To be so annoyed?!

[ReginaPhalang3]

Myself (35F) and my husband (36M) have a baby who is 8 weeks old.

We just did our first overnight trip with him which I really didn’t want to do as it felt too soon but it was a family event. We both felt quite pressured to go and there was a lot of guilt used. We were staying with my husbands brother and his family.

We get there and firstly are expected to sleep in a different room to the baby even though we’ve made it clear we room share. We didn’t want to make a fuss so we rearranged things to sleep next to the baby.

We find out then that both of their kids have had a cold for days, have been sneezing and coughing a lot. They didn’t mention anything to us before getting there, if they did we wouldn’t have stayed over.

When we got home myself, DD and my husband have all got the cold and feel awful. DD in particular is really unwell with it. Although it’s just a cold this is particularly tough for us as DD was really unwell when she was a week old and we spent a week in hospital with her.

I’m really cross they didn’t prewarn us, surely that’s normal when you’re seeing a newborn? I know they have to get colds eventually but ideally not this young especially when it could have been avoided.

I don’t want to make a huge issue but feel I need to say something as they don’t seem to think about our needs at all. If it was just us I would just swallow it but I don’t want it to be a pattern where our DD isn’t considered when we do things together. I’m also angry at myself as I didn’t feel comfortable going away this soon so should have stuck to this. I feel as though I let her down.

AIBU?

They sound really selfish, YANBU.
What some parents fail to realise is that not everyone wants their child's germs and should have let you know beforehand so you and your partner could have had a discussion about it and decided whether was in your child's best interests to go or not.
I'd just let them know that you didn't appreciate them not giving you the heads up and next time maybe let you know if someone in the family is ill.

YANBU. I think you need to say something or this will happen again.

And they can’t argue when you refuse to stay again.

YANBU but I don't think getting into an argument will get you anywhere.

Better to get better at saying "no, that doesn't work for us" in the first place.

They should have told you, but you were going to an event so always a risk. I wouldn’t make a fuss about it

I don’t think I’d say anything now but next time, stand up for your family and check arrangements for sleeping etc beforehand.

They should have told you about the colds. But I don't understand about the sleeping arrangements-when you were put in different rooms you just say- "Oh, we need to be in the same room, we'll move the <whatever they set up for the baby to sleep in> into here with us." They're not psychic!

They didn’t need to be psychic as when we were arranging staying we discussed being in the same room. We did just rearrange things and didn’t make a fuss but I was more annoyed they completely ignored this part.

They forgot? Didn't understand? Thought you meant you were happy to share a room if they were short of space? It seems a very small thing to be annoyed by.

Think the bedroom thing is a non event, and yes they could’ve told you the kids were unwell, but this is going to happen a lot, you’ll be around people who are unwell, you or your baby will get ill. Annoying but it’s life. Give yourself a Pat on the back for doing an overnight with an 8wk old, and hopefully you can plan something more enjoyable for the next one!

Can’t believe they expected to stay in a different room to the baby!

I would be furious. Yes babies need to build their immune system but you don't need to expose them directly to sick people. And why on earth were they expecting you to sleep separately to an 8 week old? Madness. I'd definitely let them know that you're all ill and your DD is particularly suffering. Might seem a bit OTT to others but I would have left straight away if I'd turned up and they were all coughing and spluttering.

YANBU but you haven't let your baby down. At least now you know what they're going to be like about this stuff. They sound thoughtless rather than manipulative but you'll know for next time.

An 8 week old baby sleeping in a separate room from parents is against safe sleeping guidelines and even if it wasn't it's fairly safe to assume they wouldn't want to be separated from their newborn.

Thank you! Wondering if the poster doesn’t know that as I thought it was pretty obvious why that’s not the norm?

"An 8 week old baby sleeping in a separate room from parents is against safe sleeping guidelines and even if it wasn't it's fairly safe to assume they wouldn't want to be separated from their newborn."

I know that. But I think it's not reasonable to expect other people to. And I don't think it's OK to be annoyed with people for not knowing stuff. Particularly something easily sorted.

Depends how old their kids are imo. If they're very young there's no excuse. But agree this isn't the biggest issue here as easily rectified. It's the not saying anything about everyone having colds for me.

@Turtlegurl888 There are a significant number of Mumsnetters who put their babies in their own rooms from birth. I think it's insane-it was considered best practice to room share when I had my first 25 years ago! But as I said, I don't think getting annoyed with people for not knowing the things you know is a waste of energy. The colds is the big issue for me.

True, my MIL did the night she brought my DP home. I can't imagine it, they're so tiny and fragile and although SIDS is technically rare I just don't get why you'd risk it. 4 months absolute minimum for me and even then I'd wait.

Yanbu, they definitely should have prewarned you that their kids weren't well and given you the option not to go. Esp as you have a newborn, thidswould have me pretty p*ssed off too. Selfiah twats.

Yeah that’s really thoughtless- I’d be cross