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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being heartless by not supporting him?

4 replies

Teaandtoast3468 · 28/07/2023 23:32

I dated a man from around September time last year to January this year, we helped each other through some stuff in this time - I had an ongoing legal issue and his parent got diagnosed with cancer. It ended because he became very manipulative and his life was full of drama and in the end I had no feelings or attraction there for him whatsoever.

We did stay in contact as friends because of everything going on, as a support system, but the minute I started seeing someone new, they started with the manipulation again telling me they loved me and never lost feelings for me and didn’t want me to date anyone else. His best friend also tried to break my new relationship up. I cut contact with him immediately after this, blocked him on everything etc.

A few days ago he called me off an unknown number, saying that his parent has only been given a few weeks to live and he needs my support etc. He is definitely telling the truth about this, as I also had a friendship with his sister who confirmed it. I made it very clear that I was very sorry to hear about his news but that because of everything that has happened, and out of respect for my new partner and the drama that was caused, that I was not going to be able to be there for him during this time.

He replied by basically trying to make me feel bad etc.

Am I being completely heartless or am I right to keep this drama out of my life?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 28/07/2023 23:34

He needs to learn self reliance

You have made the right choice you can't be there for him on a whim forever

Sad about his parent but it's simply not your problem

Guiltypleasures001 · 28/07/2023 23:36

No you are not is the short answer ..

The better question is what sort of heartless fuckwit uses his mums impending demise to try and cause an ex of his drama and heartache
Even her upcoming death is all about him
Poor her and you block his arse and stop engaging

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/07/2023 23:36

Yanbu you are setting a sensible boundary he needs to draw on other support systems

fairlygoodmother · 28/07/2023 23:39

Absoltely stay away from him. It’s sad but he has taken his parent’s illness as an opportunity to circumvent your boundaries to try to make you feel sorry for him and get involved in his life again. He’s an ex that you dated for a few months and then had to block because he was causing problems in your life. He doesn’t deserve support from you.

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