"Take some time for you"

[Greatintheory]

Twice in the past month I've had that said to me. Both people were blokes. The occupational health guy at work and also the guy who runs the weight loss club I go to.

Easy for them to say but actually if I could take time for me I would because I'm not a fucking moron. And any time they want to take over my parenting duties or to look after my mother or do some of my full time job they are more than welcome. Is this a guy thing? This notion that the world will pick up where you drop things from once you are too tired/bored to persist?

YABU. It's just a platitude really, same as "look after yourself".

Well why bother saying it? These people are advising me on health matters. I can't follow advice that's physically impossible.

(Well, I guess it's not physically impossible to put myself in priority compared to my mum but she might die if I do that so probably not sustainable long term)

They’re trying to be nice. It might not help you but it’s something they probably say to everyone and there are other people who it might help.

Sometimes it’s the little things that can help you feel a bit saner or like you’re looking after yourself as much as possible.

Going to a weight loss group is taking time for yourself, so that’s something. It’s presumably time out from work, parenting and caring, so you’re on the right track even though time is limited.

But it just makes me feel sad because I know I don't have time to prioritise myself!

Yabu. On here it's spa day🙄

Time for yourself mean take time to breath. Even if it's 15 min in peace doing something you like. Paint your mails, read a chapter, make a tea an stare out of window.

Contrary to popular martyrism on MN, most people can have 15 min a day to breath in peace.

Both these man are saying it from their wok poaition as well. Woman would tell you the same

Also you clearly need to follow their advice. Can you try less hard at work or say no or not yet to some projects. Can you batch cook and send kids to bed early to have a good bath or do yoga. Can you call in favours with friends to baby sit/play dates. Tell their father to do more. Can you give kids some more chores if old enough to free up some time. Can you get things delivered to your mum and do a nice call instead of going round one day or remind siblings to pull their weight.

Not all of those will be possible but at least one will be! Remember you will do all of your jobs/responsibilities better if you are well rested and take care of yourself first, self care isn't selfish. I think it's notable that men gave you this advice as they often don't think twice about getting their own needs met but as women we rarely even stop and notice what our needs are which leads to burnout unnecessarily

.. and actually I've missed the last three weeks of fat club too because stuff has come up with my mum ...

I hear you, OP.

That's is why he said it...

Sorry about your mum op. If you are really very stressed remember you can be signed off work with stress for a breather x

They didn’t put a number on it though did they? Insist you spend an hour taking time for yourself? It’s a bland non specific phrase which could mean going to bed a bit earlier and reading a book for 5 minutes or bathing instead of showering when you have time.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum put it much better!