I'm just not happy with set up re nanny.. thinking of nurseries

[tadagh]

I've posted here before about my nanny who's just not working out. I won't bore with the details.

I have a 3 year old and 1 year old. My 3 year old started nursery at 2.

My 1 year old is the absolute neediest child you've ever met. He's just constantly asking to be picked up etc. he's so emotional. My first wasn't like this at all.

How do very needy toddlers like this fair at nursery at this age ? He needs so much attention. How does this work at nursery ? He just cries constantly unless you're giving attention. He has huge tantrums too. He's 15 months.

Gosh can a 15 monthly old have antrum or be needy?

Wow!
Sorry not helpful

If your older child is already at nursery, couldn't you ask them if they would be able to cope with the younger one, and if so, how they would deal with the neediness, or does your nanny have all the contact with nursery?

Yes not helpful really.

Exactly my thoughts!

Younger one can't go to the same nursery as he's too young. I would need to find another nursery and I guess I could speak to them about it.

Then that is what I would do in your shoes OP, as I'm sure there are lots of little ones that aren't as easy going as your first baby was, and I would have thought that a professional nursery would be fully prepared for this sort of behaviour from the younger children.

My oldest son was like this, he went to nursery full time while I worked and it taught him independence and he socialised better as well (he was an only child at the time)
just mentioning that as his older sibling is at nursery

It's a numbers game. Technically, there are three children to an adult but one of those adults might be on nappy duty so that's two adults to 8 kids (with one having their nappy changed) and one of those might have just taken a swipe at another child so they both need distracting which means there's only one member of staff to six children. Depending on what is going on with those other children, your child may or may not get picked up.
On the other hand, your child may be distracted/entertained by the other children and not be so needy.

Babies, need their primary giver.
It's not classically, needy.

Usually a needy child is one who feel insecure and requires more attention to feel, secure.

Sorry op I was distracted previously. This reply should be more helpful.

It’s a phase, most likely, not how he actually is. Is he mobile? He sounds frustrated.

Yeah. He's been walking for ages..

Why on earth are posters questioning whether a 15 month old can be needy or have tantrums? Of course they can. Whether you want to label that behaviour as ‘needy’ or ‘insecure’ or whatever else, the OP is still experiencing the same challenges and her question remains the same – how does a high needs child respond to nursery. Questioning semantics is unhelpful.

OP, my twins were very high needs at different stages. They attended nursery full time from 9 months old, now at 5yrs old they have a nanny outside of school. Honestly, it’s just always every changing no matter what setting you opt for, so I’d choose the option that works best for you, remembering that no phase is that long-lasting. My twins have see-sawed between being absolute delights and an absolute nightmares and at various times have both struggled and thrived in many different childcare options - nursery, nanny, grandparents, school clubs, me at home. It’s always in flux.

We had a kid in who sounds exactly like this. Would scream and scream if he wasn't picked up or physically touching someone. Finally now, after months of this, he has started to settle although does still tantrum.
I would honestly go with a nanny. I would imagine a calmer, quieter environment with 1/1 attention would work better. Find another nanny if not happy with the one you have.

Ok. I just don't know how he would fair in that environment. He would be quite a handful for the staff. I've dropped him at crèche before and they're always carrying him in there. It's only a couple of hours..

He's been like this since he started walking at 11 months. He's just always complaining and unhappy, bless him. He's also hugely teething, which could be a cause.

He gets a lot of attention and cuddles and playing outside / inside etc. he complains more with the people he knows. He doesn't do it as much with the nanny. But if it's me / my husband / grandmas, he's always complaining and wanting to be picked up.

He has tantrums if he can't get his way too. Sometimes he knows exactly what he wants to do ( like play with water at the sink ) and he'll just continuously go to the sink, point at it and cry and scream until someone lets him play. Then when the activity is finished, he's often inconsolable unless we manage to distract him etc.

My DD wasn't like as clingy and unhappy at this age, although she did start having tantrums if she couldn't have her way at a similar age.

I just need to work out what's best as I don't think the nanny situation is working out as well as I hoped. The nanny also fills the school holiday gaps. So I'm not sure what I would do at those times if I didn't have her.

Your second sounds like my second. Not needy exactly but quite focused and inflexible. We put him in nursery and I really regret it. We just kept pushing on hoping he’d settle like our first had but he never did and it drop offs were awful the whole time. Third dc we used a childminder until 3 and could see that that would have been much better for dc2. One caregiver you hand them two every day, smaller setting, more consistent care. DC2 is 7 now and fine but I do regret not switching him over.

Nurseries run through the school holidays generally so that shouldn't be a problem; most shut for a week over Christmas.
Nurseries can't give a child 1:1 attention so your youngest would have to adapt to shared care but most do.
When one of the children is sick nursery won't take them. This will happen a lot, at least initially, so you/your husband would need leave to cover that.

My oldest was very clingy and "needy". He was like that from when he was first born and it was just his personality (his younger brother was different and I'm confident that it wasn't my parenting style)! I found a fantastic nursery that said they'd go with the flow and would even do contact naps if necessary (that did indeed occur several times, then he was cuddled to sleep and put down before being 'weaned' onto a floor mat like magic). They were always happy to give cuddles and met his needs.

My DD's nursery is term time only unfortunately. So while I could keep the little one in nursery during the holidays, she has holidays.

There are some holiday clubs.

My boy twin was like this - incredibly needy....but only with with. He was fine at nursery as it was only when I was in sight