Should I be upset with her? Should I say something?

[dudud]

I have 2 young children with my ex fiancé. We were together 8 years.
When we separated I was pretty devasted.
A few years later we have both moved forwarded. He got into a relationship and pretty soon got pregnant.
For context I am now getting married soon. I was going too ask 3 girls too be my bridesmaids, no maid of honours as they are all special too me.
One of these girls I know because her husband is my ex's friend.
I found out my ex was going too have baby by my dd7 . I was upset at this, obviously its hard pill too swallow , but I wanted another child together with my ex and he told me he didn't want anymore.
The friend I know through my ex and her husband did not tell he was expecting again. I know this because the pregnancy was blasted all over social media which I'm not a part of. When I told my friend he was expecting again, she became very fake and acted like she didn't know and was really shocked. After said incident i realised that her demeanour was off, and then it suddenly hit me, she already new due too fb (she's always on it). Anyway I didn't say anything too her about it but felt pretty upset. I should also add I have always wanted more children. I did fall pregnant last year but I made the heart breaking decision too terminate as I was starting a new job. Me and my partner decided it wasn't the right time.

Anyway they have had the baby which I figured out from finding the due date out and my ex being spotted out by a friend outside a hospital.
When my children came back there dad parents I asked if the baby had been born and they confirmed it.
Anyway this friend who I am going too asked too be bridesmaids has not said anything too me about the baby being born and its been a week. I'm suppose too ask her too be bridesmaids but I do feel really hurt. I have had a few cry's today. I don't know if I'm upset he's had a baby after telling me he did not want one and me having my termination or upset my friend did not tell me. Im now doubting asking her being a bridesmaid which I don't want too be.
Please be kind I don't have many friends too talk too.

She probably didn't know how to tell you
Also it wasn't her place to tell you
He's with someone else as you are, sounds like you still have feelings for him

Your friend just doesn't want to get in the middle unlike who I suspect would be a drama lobing one who reports on spotting your exoutside the hospital...
It's not her news, her job to keep you updated. She might not want to say to not upset you.

I think in your shoes I'd choose to think the best of people and assume she didn't want to hurt me by telling me / talking about it.

It's not entirely any of your business really, any more though. Can see how it would sting however.

Gently, as this is a tough situation for you, but your friend hasn't done anything wrong, don't use her as the scapegoat for your complicated feelings about this. She must have found it hard to find the balance of being your friend whilst her partner is your ex's friend, but values you and so has navigated this tricky path for what sounds like years. She can't be expected to ferry news about your ex back to you - what if she didn't want to upset you? What if she doesn't want to get mixed up in drama? I would have more respect for her for not gossiping about this, I see it as a sign of the respect she has for you.

It's not her news to tell
In the nicest possible way you really need to move on.

This has nothing to do with your friend-she was probably desperately trying to stay out of it!

I don't know if I'm upset he's had a baby after telling me he did not want one and me having my termination or upset my friend did not tell me.

Your ex boyfriend didn’t want another baby with you-sounds like the relationship wasn’t working so he knew bringing a third baby into the mix would be a bad idea-that sounds really sensible.

In her position I wouldn't be giving you updates on your exes new relationship or baby, especially as you yourself are getting married soon.

If I found out my DH a few weeks prior to the wedding was crying about his ex having a baby with someone, I'd be quite upset. It would suggest to me a level of emotion I wouldn't be comfortable with.

You friend is being a good friend to both you and the other woman by not gossiping about peoples lives with you - if she was willing to start gossiping about this woman's pregnancy and birth with you, what might she be comfortable telling her? Honestly I think she's stuck between a rock and a hard place but being respectful by not sharing news around that isn't hers.

If I found out my DH a few weeks prior to the wedding was crying about his ex having a baby with someone, I'd be quite upset. It would suggest to me a level of emotion I wouldn't be comfortable with.

This was my reaction too. Sure you’re ready to get married when what your ex is up to is occupying and upsetting you so much?

I suspect she felt it wasn’t her place to tell you, she may also have known how you would feel and that it would be upsetting news. I would cut her some slack and appreciate that she was possibly in a awkward place or maybe didn’t think it was news that mattered

Just have your dd as bridesmaid and forget the adult ones. Your mutual friend is in an awkward position , with split loyalties, and probably best kept at a distance.

Your friend is trying to stay neutral, please don’t punish her by misplacing your own emotions around the situation, she genuinely hasn’t done anything wrong.

Grow up. Why the hell is it her job to spy on your ex’s social media and report back every single thing.

She probably didn’t want to upset you.

You need to start counting the positives.

The reasons why you and ex broke up haven‘t gone away because he has had a baby.

Are you happy with your fiance?

That's right, kick someone when they're down.

You have learnt one thing. Your friend is not a shit stirrer. She had no wish to upset you by gossiping when you have your wedding coming up. She seems to be a good person. If you think she is more your ex's friend than yours you don't have to have her as bridesmaid but she has done nothing wrong staying well out of it.

I think you're expecting too much from this friend. She clearly doesn't want to get dragged into it. Your issues regarding your ex having more children are unfortunately something you need to come to terms with yourself. If it's eating you up this much then it sounds like you haven't moved on. This may sound cold but terminating because it wasn't the right time but being all upset because your ex has clearly moved on and had more does seem a bit double standards. So he knew you wanted more children. And? You're not with him anymore. It doesn't matter, he's moved on. And please for the love of god, no more questioning the children when they've been to his house, that really isn't fair. Sorry it's not what you want to hear but I think the term is give your head a wobble and move on.

It’s not her place to keep you updated on your ex. I actually think she is doing the right thing here. You need to move on.

I say this kindly as you are clearly hurting.

Your friend has done nothing wrong and probably found the whole thing very awkward. Perhaps she knew it would hurt you?

Secondly, are you sure you want to get married?

It's not her news to tell. But I still wouldn't have her as a bridesmaid because her loyalty isn't to you and you'll probably be hurt again by something similar

How much about your life would you be happy for her to share with your ex?

This. Why do you feel you are entitled to know any information about your ex? You sound a bit like a stalker.

Exactly. It's massively difficult for someone who was friends with both halves of a couple, to maintain both friendships after a split. The only way to do it is to keep both friendships separate and not to gossip about either to the other.

It sounds like she's done an excellent job of it and is a really good friend. Don't punish her for that. She's one of those rare people who can be trusted with your business..