Don't feel good enough in life, mainly in my career

[Mrsdoubtfire18]

I am qualified as a teacher but chose to be a a tutor. As you may have heard, teachers are leaving in their droves because of ridiculous workloads, bullying SLT and difficult behaviour.
I did pass a PGCE somehow, but in subsequent roles I've really struggled with behaviour management, so much that I was put on a support plan by one. I've also struggled with workplace bullying in 2 schools.
I've found tutoring really suits me, I enjoy it, I work much better 1-1 than controlling large classes and I'm still using my qualification and subject knowledge. It doesn't pay much during the holidays unfortunately, but I do have other work to compensate for this. I have an excellent work life balance and Very little stress, tutoring pays very well per hour, more than a teacher earns per hour.
However lately I've been feeling very down and not 'good enough '. I'll always be 'just' a tutor.
Because I combine it with a second role, people seem to think I don't have a proper job and just flit between things.
I'm in my early 30s and most people of this age are now heads of dept, heads of year or on SLT, everybody's climbing the ranks and I'm just stuck.
I don't envy their workload, but I feel like I'm just drifting. I really enjoy the job and don't find it stressful, I feel like my parents expected me to go into teaching full time and that I'm stupid for missing out on the pension. I don't know what to do but just feel a let down. Pretty much all my peers of my age are in senior roles too.

I just feel like some sort of 'lesser' teacher because I'm not full time, which is ridiculous.

Hi @Mrsdoubtfire18 i have so much respect and admiration for tutors. I'm awe of their knowledge and how they can help a student become so successful in their studies.
You can get a private pension if need be. I say continue doing what you're doing, i think a tutor is a great job and you have a work life balance x

Thank you, that means a lot .

I think you'll find that it's far from "most people" who are "heads of dept, heads of year or on SLT, everybody's climbing the ranks". Didn't I read that fewer than 50% of new teachers are still in the profession 5 years postgrad? Maybe a minority stay in school teaching, and even fewer will be climbing the ranks.

There's no way I could ever have been a teacher, it would have driven me nuts even when the job was easier, and it seems to me to be very very much harder a job now than it used to be.

Please don't beat yourself up. You should instead be congratulating yourself; you're using your skills and training, and still teaching people, yet you've got your worklife balance sorted and are undoubtedly less stressed and happier than some of those peers with whom you're comparing yourself. Look in the mirror and give yourself a pat on the back!

In my school (I’m 41 and just a standard class teacher) the majority of SLT and department heads are men and in their late forties/fifties. Most of the female teachers get overlooked, several are part time which may play a part, but they are far better teachers and people, than those in more senior roles.
I would love to stop full time teaching and become a tutor, or anything else actually, but it wouldn’t be feasible financially for me.
If you enjoy your job, enjoy it, don’t worry about what anybody else is or isn’t doing.

I totally get how you feel. I'm similar in that I'm a qualified teacher but I work as a TA because I just can't handle a whole class. I also feel down when I compare myself to my peers but I try to remember that work is just a part of life and having a good work/life balance is a wonderful thing. I think society is just too focussed on what you do for a living. I hate that it's one of the first thing people ask when you meet new people.

There's still plenty of time to change or develop your career anyway.

Also I can only afford to be 'just' a TA because my husband earns a lot more than me which is a definitely a no no in the world of Mumsnet (or so I believe 😭)

Thank you for your support everyone. Yes, there's such an emphasis on progression, climbing the ranks and so on. People's jobs shouldn't define them.

Not at all! The pension doesn’t make up for the insane workload, ridiculous expectations and public hate. I think you’ve made a great decision - it sounds like you’re financially sorted and have an excellent work/life balance.

Lots of outwardly successful people push forward to be what they think everyone expects them to be and then hit a point when they realise they want a balance and that actually no one is looking at how well they’ve done and what they achieved career wise. I have far more admiration for someone who makes enough to live their life but also enjoys their job and doesn’t miss out on everything because of the drive to be bigger and better and earn more.

many of those you think are looking down on you either really quite envy you or aren’t thinking of you at all.

The grass is always greener… among the teachers I know a significant number have recently quit or cut down hours because of the stress of the job nowadays - not because they’re not good teachers but because of all the other shit that comes with it.

I understand. I know I couldn’t handle a big class so I teach in a small college with tiny classes. I recently decided not to apply for promotion because I know in my heart that what I enjoy is being with the students and working term time only. My ego and my heart really had a fight over that. If you can get rid of ego then it solves a whole load of issues. Do what you love and feel lucky that you can. We are lucky not to have to do all the stuff those ‘higher up’ have to. 🙂

People can put the word ‘just a’ in front of most jobs, it means nothing! You are good at your job, enjoy it -and can live off the wage- you’re are in a better place than most people. Well done for finding your place and killing it within that area x

Thank you for all your support, I do feel better .