So my mum is a very opinionated lady and is very forthcoming with her views on things. She does lack a bit of tact at times and doesn't know when to shut up and butt out. I mostly let things go over my head as I know half the time she just speaks before she thinks on how it will affect others, but lately she has been making comments about my housekeeping and work/family balance that I'm struggling to let go over my head.
The most recent being when she dropped in to our house earlier this week and happened to drop by whilst I was still working (from home) the kids were home and DH was back from work early and doing some household chores. The usual folding washing, hoovering etc, nothing major. She very loudly stated to DH how he would make a very good house husband and that it's ever so good of him to pick up my slack.
DH and I have a very good partnership and we don't really go in for traditional roles, there's no woman jobs or man jobs in our house and everything is as equal as can be. He isn't picking up my slack, as it's both of our responsibility. However, the hours he works and the type of job he has, combined with me doing less hours (I work 30hrs pw as opposed to his 60) means the household chores and childcare are my sole responsibility a good 80-90% of the time through the week. Weekends 50/50. So naturally, when he IS home early during the week, he'll jump in and do whatever he can with the kids/housework. As I do, when he is at work.
My mum seems to think this is unfair on him. She has told both him and me, numerous times, that he shouldn't ever be having to 'lift a finger' when he gets in from work as he works such long hours. She also makes a huge fuss about praising him for simple things like taking the kids somewhere fun on his own or doing the shopping.
She also comments on how untidy or unclean my house is and how I'm lazy and should be focussing more on the house than, in her words 'work and holidays'. I'm not going to lie, I'm not Mrs Hinch, far from it, and my house never looks perfect. But it IS clean. Lived in and not up to everyone's standards, but clean and relatively tidy. My kids are always clean, fed and happy and I'm of the opinion that if they're happy, so what if my house isn't Instagram worthy!
She's of a different generation and never had a job more than 16 hours a week and didn't work at all until we were all in high school. So I let most of this go, as I know she simply doesn't understand the more modern way most families live these days. Her and my dad had a more traditional set up, but my dad was far from a typical bloke of that generation and was always doing his fair share of housework when he could and was a very hands on dad. So it's not like she has a completely outdated view on what men should be like.
It's really been niggling at me for some time now and this latest comment has been playing on my mind. I want to bring it up and address it with her, but last time I did, it caused a massive argument and nothing really changed as neither one of us could see the other person's view on it. My DH thinks I should just let it go as it will cause unnecessary stress and that life's too short to be arguing. She is a very good nanny to our kids and a great mother and MIL, besides this one issue!!
AIBU to want to address this with her? I don't want to cause unnecessary arguments and stress, as I do agree with DH that life is too short..but it's really bothering me and I don't think it's fair for me to have to just keep quiet either! Thoughts?