T/W Was this child abuse?

9 replies

confusedunsure1 · 27/07/2023 21:18

Sorry this is long.
Today I have told my DH something that I've never spoken of before - when I was 4/5 my 13/14 year old brother sexually assaulted me on at least 2 occasions. This is where it gets confusing... for many years I forgot about what happened and had a normal relationship with my brother. Then around 10 years ago we were stopping at a hotel for a family occasion and my young son wanted to sleep in my brothers room as he had a spare bed and the one in our room was a rollaway. I allowed it but in the morning woke in an absolute panic having remembered what he had done to me.
I absolutely know that it did happen, it came back to me very vividly. I decided that I didn't want to tell anyone what had happened, I felt very ashamed. I also thought that as he was also a child (albeit much older than me) was this actually child abuse? He didn't use violence, I think I kind of went along with it - but I realise now that I was very young and he was old enough to know that it was wrong. I don't know if he is a danger to other children now - or was this some kind of weird experimentation?
Since this time my brother has become estranged from me and our family for completely unconnected reasons. He is gay and married. He doesn't have children and, as far as I know, doesn't have much interaction with children. Today he has contacted our DM to say he has applied to be a foster carer and that she will be receiving a form to fill in. I'm at a loss. Is he a paedophile? Please help.

OP posts:

Longnecksusan · 27/07/2023 21:30

Didn’t want to read and run.
I am so sorry this has happened to you ♥️ i would suggest talking to someone (professional) about what you should do. But if you think he is a risk to anyone, child or adult you should speak up. (I know that is easier said than done) you could just stop what happened to you happening to another poor innocent child.
Has your son ever mentioned that night? Is that someone you feel might have also happened to him? (Sorry I know that’s an awful thing to ask)
Take care of your self X

Apple95 · 27/07/2023 21:36

This is heartbreaking for you I’m so sorry. What happened to you was child abuse, you should definitely speak to someone in a professional capacity about it if you feel that you can. I would be concerned about him being a foster carer but I’m not sure who you can speak to about this? Such a difficult situation as what happened was so long ago and doesn’t necessarily mean he is a danger to children but also the children that might come into his care will likely be vulnerable and it’s surely too big of a risk. Sending you lots of support and love x

Saddm · 27/07/2023 21:39

Please confide in your dm op. Same thing happened in our family.. Dd has never seen her db since it happened at 3yo. Please contact the police for advice even if you don't wish to report... He cannot be a foster carer.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 27/07/2023 21:39

I think you should maybe speak to someone about what happened to you. Obviously it was not your fault and your brother definitely was old enough to know what he was doing.

Regarding his wanting to be a foster carer my instinct is that you should speak out but it will be difficult. Do you challenge him, or talk to your DM? Do you have any other siblings. I hope your husband is being supportive

WunWun · 27/07/2023 21:41

I wouldn't rush to tell your DM if it's likely she won't believe you

WunWun · 27/07/2023 21:43

I think it would be much better for you to come to terms with it yourself, perhaps through therapy

I would contact the local foster agency and see if it would be possible to advise them without them advising him

girlfriend44 · 27/07/2023 21:45

Yes it was abuse.

It often comes back to you in later years.

nocoolnamesleft · 27/07/2023 21:56

I am sorry. Yes, it was abuse. Child on child sexual abuse is still abuse. And he was definitely old enough to know that it was very wrong.

ZombieBeryl · 27/07/2023 22:05

I'm so sorry this happened to you 💐

Firstly, I think you need emotional support, perhaps professional counselling. You've experienced two traumas - the incident in childhood and your recent recollection of it. That's an awful lot to cope with alone.

Secondly, he's a potential risk to children.

If he has a sexual interest in children then it's possible there is evidence of this on his mobile and computer. You could consider speaking to the police, share your fears and concerns and see if they could investigate. Ask if they can keep you anonymous.

Take care of yourself xx

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread