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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hurtful?

14 replies

Woodly · 27/07/2023 20:08

My marriage has been going badly for a while (from both sides) and I recently had a health scare which made me re evaluate the rut I was stuck in. I decided to do more if invited out by friends etc, say yes, instead of no. This included making an effort to try and reconnect with my husband.

On Sunday he asked me if I would like to go to watch the new Oppenheimer film with him sometime this week. I was really touched that he had invited me out so I said I would love to go with him and that I was really looking forward to it. This evening I came home from work and he said he was going out to the cinema at 8 pm with his friend to watch the Oppenheimer film. I felt hurt and asked him why he had asked me to go ? at first he said he didn’t ask me (he did) and then he said he said he didn’t think I would want to so he’d already asked his friend before asking me! He has a history of asking me to do things that I don’t really enjoy so he can criticise me for not wanting to do those things with him. AIBU to be hurt by this and think he is a bit unkind and he was hoping I would say no so he could criticise me? he left without saying goodbye or sorry we can do it another day etc.

OP posts:
Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 20:11

Rude, thoughtless and disrespectful

sounds a long history of an unhappy marriage

CherryMaDeara · 27/07/2023 20:12

Sounds like a prick. Let me guess - you are the one who puts more effort into the marriage?

Do you have kids?

Cherryana · 27/07/2023 20:13

What a petty man.

NooNaNa · 27/07/2023 20:13

Ask him if he wants a divorce.

Woodly · 27/07/2023 20:14

I think I do put more of an effort in. We have two grown up kids about to get the youngest off to Uni next year.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2023 20:15

There is absolutely no point in being with this man.

He has a history of asking me to do things that I don’t really enjoy so he can criticise me for not wanting to do those things with him.

This is what abusers do. This is manipulation and gaslighting. Men who have contempt for their partners play cruel games like this.

Run for your fucking life.

Woodly · 27/07/2023 20:15

Your replies have made me feel so much better thank you x

OP posts:
DinoMummsy · 27/07/2023 20:15

Yanbu, he sounds like an arse!

Boatshoes · 27/07/2023 20:15

That’s terribly shitty behaviour, OP. Have you tried couples therapy, or even a trial separation? That is very cruel, careless and thoughtless of him

Weflewinstyle · 27/07/2023 20:16

Woodly · 27/07/2023 20:15

Your replies have made me feel so much better thank you x

In what way? Telling you that your married to a horrible man?

Dombasle · 27/07/2023 20:16

Unpleasant, manipulative and controlling.
Put him out next bin day.

Woodly · 27/07/2023 20:21

No that I am not over reacting for feeling so sad about this and your replies have helped me see this. I do feel he has gaslighted me and I hadn’t realised this.

OP posts:
Cherryana · 27/07/2023 20:33

That happened to me when I went to counselling- having someone confirm that my feeling were actually valid and accurate helped me move forward in my life a lot more decisively. But before that, I was forever doubting myself and feelings.

I am glad this has helped you see your inner voice is spot on about how you should be treated. With respect and care.

idliketogetdownnow · 27/07/2023 20:41

What a prick. I'd be gutted if my husband did that. It shows such disrespect and selfishness. I'm sorry OP. You deserve better.

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