Co-parenting schedule for a three year old

[Coolquip]

To cut a long story short, my ex partner is controlling and coercive. We split at the start of the month and have no contact with each other apart from third party including messages, pick up and drop offs.

He is proposing a fixed schedule of him having Sunday morning to weds 9am, me having her weds from 3pm to Sunday morning.

I don't work fixed shifts, whereas he only works Monday to Friday from home being fully flexible with hours.

I work 4 shifts a week a week (including some weekends), and am out from 7am to 6pm.

She does Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nursery 9am to 3pm.

As he refuses to have her on my days for her tea, I would have to pay extra for wrap around care and I would only see her for activities on a Saturday if I am off.

I can't get wrap around care as it's like gold dust.

I proposed a monthly co-parenting schedule, which he refuses as he he states DD must have a predictable schedule.

So ABIU standing my ground?

Your DD does need a predictable schedule, he's right about that.

How would the monthly schedule look? What will you do if you have to work on a Saturday? Will he have her then?

I think maybe picking a consistent routine and moving to a different childcare format to accommodate that would be best for your DC.

I will have to move her to a nursery that is by my work that will be flexible with my shifts and hours.

He has already said on my weekends I will have to arrange childcare.

The schedule he wants means he can go out every Friday and Saturday

I think you are being unreasonable and unrealistic. You and your ex are only speaking through intermediaries. You are suggesting now that each month you’ll be able to agree a monthly co-parenting schedule? How can either of you plan ahead (weekends away/holidays). Some parents do have fairly loose arrangements but that tends to be when children are older and also there is a healthy co-parenting relationship going on.

Can you put in a request at work to get certain days? 9-3 is a very short nursery day. Can you find a nursery with longer hours or a childminder?

So he's saying:

Him Monday Night after Nursery, have her all day Tuesday, overnight then drop to Nursery Wednesday? And alternate weekends? That's 5 or 6 nights in 14 and a good schedule, would work well when she's at school to I think I'd take it.

Can you make it a two week schedule instead? I know some people on here have done something like 3/3/4/4 I always think it sounds so complicated but actually when you work it out it makes sense because you each get a weekend and you don't have the same days all the time.

Ask him can you swop days- so you get the Sundays.

I have found a nursery that will take her 8am to 6pm three days a week by my work.

My work pattern changed as he wanted me to have a day off in the week to look after little one.

He arranged the nursery hours around his schedule. So he would finish work at 3pm and I would take over at 6pm.

On my days off I would have her, do housework etc.

He doesn't want to change the nursery as it suits him.

This is the only schedule he will discuss.

She can stay in two nurseries, but he also refuses to discuss.

I'm trying to make it work, but he is so inflexible.

You asked if you should stand your ground in your first post on a monthly schedule? As I said I don’t think that’s reasonable or sensible. You need set days, but I do think you should stand your ground on nursery arrangements to make those set days work.

If he won’t discuss then you will have to go to court and get a child arrangements order.

Already in the works, just wanted to see if I could make it work without more conflict

Fine to have a fairly fixed schedule. Not convinced him never having the DC Fri or sat night is fair at all🤷‍♀️

Apparently he has lots of plans with his friends that involve Friday and Saturday nights over the next year. Already asked about alternate weekends and was shot down

Focus on what is in your 3 year olds best interest and how this can work practically. Are two nurseries in her best interest, is a fixed schedule or monthly changing one. What will happen when your child is at school and there are school holidays to cover…

i have a lose schedule with my ex but it typically follows a set night midweek and split weekends. As DC have gotten older there are additional mid week sleepovers too.

Wholly unfair him getting his social life every weekend and you not.

Apply for a child arrangement order. Take control back.

No way to him never looking after her on Friday and Saturday nights, that’s a bit cheeky to suggest that!
split the weeks and do alternate weekends.