I'm looking to share my thoughts with anyone who's been put in a similar position.
Our mum recently passed away after two years of dementia. It has been an exhausting two years of worry, not helped by the COVID aftermath.
The day mum went into arrest, I got the call to go to hospital as mum wasn't going to make it. I desperately tried to get hold of my sister who was nowhere to be found and I literally ended up calling pubs, golf club etc in her local area to try to get the message through to get in the car and come say your goodbyes. Sister finally got message but was so late arriving, she missed her chance.
I ended up having to give consent to switch mum's life support off on my own. I'm still traumatized by this. It's been six months.
We have been estranged for years on and off because my sister's husband decided 25 years ago that he didn't really want me spending time with my sister. I didn't get to see her children or develop any meaningful relationship with them. I've tried very hard to maintain contact but it always falls by the wayside and leaves me upset.
For a few weeks, my sister became friendly, told me she loved me, and talked of making plans, wanted to go to Scotland with me, then it was
Guernsey, but it was all just talk I now realise. As we started cleaning and clearing our mum's house, she scooped up all the financial paperwork and mum's will, turned up with a van and took all items left to her in the will from the house. That was March. She hasn't come to help since and I haven't even received a copy of the will from her. When I've attempted to ask her if she's coming back to help, I get silence.
I've been left with a four bedroom house to clear, a garden to tidy and a load of decorating jobs. I'm close to 50 with a full time job and I'm exhausted.
It's got to the point where I'd had no updates regarding the estate or probate etc. Mum had arranged for both of us to be executors with a solicitor also as executor to keep things fair and transparent as unfortunately mum worried this might happen due to the on/off estrangement. Sister was trying to ditch the solicitor and do everything herself, I put my foot down and said no way, mum wanted the solicitor involved. I am now so full of anxiety about the will and this situation, I've asked that sister only speak to me via the solicitor so things have some kind of governance.
Sister constantly received money from mum to pay for her children's private school education and as a result, mum has left me a larger portion of the estate to again, make things fair and even. I half suspect this is what's causing the silence.
Also my dad was violent towards just me during childhood and wrote me out of his will, sister received everything so this whole thing is messed up.