How am I actually supposed to LTB?

[Justsawamagpiechasingarat]

Marriage has gone from on the rocks to completely irreparable. I am pretty sure that my wife is having (at least) an emotional affair with a friend of hers - she keeps lying / omitting information about things she does with this person and then saying that I am controlling and paranoid when I find out the truth.

I have been looking for somewhere else to live with 4YO - we currently rent from wife's family member and I have to be the one to leave. 4YO definitely coming with me - would completely kill me to leave him behind but also would be impractical for him to stay with wife.

The problem is that I cannot even get to referencing on any of the places I have applied for. We live in an expensive area, and I have set my search within 15 miles so that I can commute to work / 4YO's school he starts in September and even then it is slim pickings.
I have tried to arrange viewings on countless places the day that they go online, only to be told that they are fully booked.
I have applied for everything that I have seen and have been knocked back each time before the referencing stage.
I only work part time at the moment (32 hours) but I do make a decent wage and will also receive universal credit and some child maintenance (wife is not a high earner either, but decent full time wage).

I don't have anywhere I can stay for more than a couple of nights at a time and that is very disruptive for 4YO.

Social housing is completely off the table - I can't apply in my current circumstances and if I could the wait would be years.

I just want to make a safe little home for the two of us - it doesn't have to be perfect and I know it will be difficult but I don't seem to have a hope of even trying.

So...what do I do?
AIBU to expect to be able to rent a home as a single mother?

Unfortunately if you are tied to a high-demand area then you're going to struggle. Have you investigated the social housing route as a backstop?

Can you take a deep breath and consider a wider range of options - moving further away, different school, getting a job somewhere else?

@LadyGardenersQuestionTime
Thank you for your suggestions.

I cannot apply for social housing in my current position and I cannot get into a position to apply (if that makes sense).

I understand what you are saying - I could move far away, but then I would be leaving the security of a job I have had for 12 years, have no family or friendship network around me, be further from my aging parents and taking my child away from one parent and all he knows.

Without wanting to sound like a brat - it is just so unfair!

I am really not expecting to move into the same street that I live on or anything like that but the idea of moving from an entire region (the only one I have ever lived in) is a lot to get my head around.

I think you have to sit tight for a bit and work out a plan.

If it’s a high demand area you may have to move, which means you need to consider schools and commuting times or new jobs and all of that takes time.

I know you want out but your future will be better if you take a bit of time to plan. You could amicably agree with your wife you live together while separating if that could work, or look up grey rock if things have really gone sour - be as civil as you can though.

I’m presuming your wife isn’t also your child’s parent?? If she is you will have to take her access into account.

It sounds like you need anywhere between 3 months and a year to get sorted.

@continentallentil
Thank you.
My wife is also a parent on the birth certificate and access if a massive consideration.
The problem is that properties do come up within my budget but I am never considered (I guess because the landlord would rather spread the risk by renting to two earning adults instead of just one?) I have tried having a guarantor and offering six months of rent up front, but I can understand that they would rather go for an easier option when there are so many people looking for rentals. I can't imagine that this would be any different if I move to another part of the country.
I will definitely investigate the grey rock suggestion and will try to plan living together separately as a medium term solution. I also care for the elderly relative that we rent from so it is a bit of a challenge - obviously I would stop doing that if I had to move away, but if we are living separately under the same roof I don't know if I can cope with my wife's new found freedom alongside still doing all the domestic drudgery, most of the childcare and looking after the demanding elderly relative....

To be honest a massive part of me is struggling with wife staying put in our home, loving life whilst I have to move DS to an entirely different region, leaving behind all of our friends and family, a job that I love and a school place for DS where he has been going to preschool for the last year.
I would be making massive sacrifices for myself and our child, whilst she would avoid any inconvenience at all (I mean, I might take some household items but only things that are easily replaced).

Wife has places she could stay in the medium to long term and finding a one bed rental in our local area is much easier. If we didn't rent from her family member I would be digging my heals in about her moving out, but she says that I am the one who wants to end things (ending something that is beyond repair) so I have to go.

If I stayed at the house it would be far less disruptive to DS and elderly relative, not just me! If anything, a clean break would be better for me if I could get one without moving to the other side of the country.

Whatever happens, go on council/social housing waiting lists anyway.