Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure why friend does this?

7 replies

Mapoftheproblematique · 27/07/2023 07:27

I have a friend who I haven't seen in over a year. She doesn't seem to actually want to meet up, even though she asks if I'm free, it's very strange.
Occasionally she'll ask if I'm free on the very same day, which I'm usually not as I'm working. However once or twice she's asked if I'm free the following week, I said yes I am and I've given her my availability, then she'll say 'Oh none of that works for me'.
Or I'll suggest something and then she'll take a long time to reply to it (when she doesn't usually) then will come back with an excuse.
She lives around 13 miles away, last time I went to her so I'll see if she comes to me this time. I've previously fallen into that trap of always having to travel to people and they never, ever come to me because they know I'll travel to them, so I'm sticking to my guns.
Anyway part of me thinks she doesn't actually want to meet up, it's all very strange, and I'm sort of thinking what's the point.
I asked if we could meet 6pm Friday but she told me it's too late in the day. I was only expecting to meet for a drink or something, not hours on end. No kids, (I'm not saying that means she has nothing else to do). But there's just something strange about it all.
I thought maybe social anxiety but I know she goes out with other people as she's told me about it.
Anyway, thinking of just leaving it. I think if she'd really wanted to meet me it wouldn't have been over a year.

OP posts:
Remotecontrolatmyside · 27/07/2023 07:53

Social anxiety has to rhyme or reason. It can occur with some people and not others, it can occur on some days and not others, in some places and not others. It sounds like she's naturally an introvert and finds meeting stressful but that won't stop her wanting to try. Might get to the day/hour and it is too much.

However, she could also just be completely flaky and it may have nothing to do with social anxiety or could be because of something else entirely.

Ella31 · 27/07/2023 08:26

Have a friend like this. I don't bother anymore. If they do text...I say .....you suggest a day and time. Its all on them then.

MayMi · 27/07/2023 08:32

I have a friend who I've known for years and she's been like this almost the whole time.
When we do manage to meet up, we actually have a great time, so I don't know why she cancels same day or fails to reply more times than not. There's always some big calamity that 'happens' which makes it impossible for her to meet up suddenly.

When I have asked her why she does this, she just says sorry for this time and seems genuine about it.
Honestly it's a mystery to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

saz85 · 27/07/2023 08:33

I had similar with a friend, she text when her husband was either unexpectedly out or arranged for when he was out, then his plans changed and she dropped out.
I don't bother any more.

Don't know if she's married or not but could be something similar?

determinedtomakethiswork · 27/07/2023 08:34

The thing is is, if she wanted to meet up, she would. She sounds incredibly flaky and demanding. If you haven't seen her for a year and she's been like this all that time, then I don't think she's a real friend.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 27/07/2023 08:36

Could she be texting several people at the same time and choosing the best offer?

Youdoyoutoday · 27/07/2023 08:37

Stop wasting your time, you've tried and continued efforts will just deplete your energy so why bother when you get nothing back?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread