To think that it's not a wife/girlfriend's job to make decisions on what other people in their family should be keeping?

[beaniesteve]

See... reading a couple of threads here I get the distinct impression that there are women out there who believe that once coupled up with a man (or another woman depending on your sexuality) it is their right to be in charge of what stays in their home.

I personally think it's rediculous behaviour for one adult not to consult another when making major decisions about belongings which have been brought into the relationship. Also if I had a partner who made decisions about what was 'right' for me to have or not have (within reason, I'm not talking about spending joint finances on stupid things) then I would be really upset.

Surely when you buy/rent a house together you make joint decisions about what stays in that house?

.....yep.....and what goes in the loft!

Depends who has to clear it up day after day!!!

Do you have a particular example in mind?

True you should make joint decisions but if one person's things are taking over and making the place a mess then they should be asked to do something about it.

It does become an issue when you get lumbered with a whole lot of s*it from the MIL's old place and Dh is fed a load of bunkum about it's worth/sentimental value..

I feel I should be consulted about what furniture we want for a small house when it is ultimately me paying for the container...

Men don't want/aren't interested in practicality or suitablity of things...

Sorry, I'm still at blows with the DH about this....

I'm not talking about stuff which is being used (And needs clearing up) that's a different issue, if it needs clearing up then surely the person does use it and it isn't on a list of things which shouldn't be in the house?

I mean books/CDs/DVDs/magazine collections/clothes etc.

By all means, have a conversation with your partner and make a decision together about what should go, but all these things are around me every day. I might not read my books every day (or ever again!) and I might not listen to my CDs but I have them for a reason and I would be mortified if someone else took it appon themselves to get rid of it all - or even some of it.

em, its not as black and white as that. I have indulged my dh's need to keep EVERYTHING in the shed - for example, the door her removed from original kitchen 5yrs ago, we've since renovated house and no longer have the wall never mind the kitchen. now with dc3 due in july and the shed finally watertight we need the space as no roofspace to store stuff in. Have tried to explain all this and he agrees but when is it going to get done? when I order a skip and get my pg arse out to the shed to throw it all out.

aha you mean me "rediculous woman out there" that I am...

Well you see the problem is that some people don't actually make decisions about what they bring in or fail to chuck away, they just hoover stuff in without consulting anyone...

Dizzy, she's ganging up on us!

Lol - I never used the Phrase 'rediculous women out there - I said "I personally think it's rediculous behaviour for one adult not to consult another when making major decisions about belongings which have been brought into the relationship"

I am not ganging up on you honestly - I just find the idea that it's normal behaviour to go chucking things out without consulting the other person a bit weird. Children, yeah maybe up to a certain age, but other adults ?

no no

I found a drawer full of dh's clothes that he hasn't worn since we moved in, again with the 5yrs ago, left them out for him to sort through - they sat there for months and are now in charity shop and he's never even noticed - I am not his mother and will not loose any sleep over it!

have you lost something very precious to you poor lamb? I suppose dh might be mildly annoyed when he realises his 'more tea vicar' t-shirt is away but I'll cross that bridge when we finally arrive at it in about 5 more years

I found some clothes that belonged to my DH that had name tapes sewn in them - from when he was still at boarding school (he is nearly 40 yo!!).... WHY!!!!??!!!

I don't advocate throwing everything of value away, but there is a limit...

I have clothes from 10 years ago which I rarely wear but I want to keep.

Am I just an oddity? Is it just men who do this?

In our house magazine/book collections do need clearing up as they get out of hand but I wouldn't just throw DH's stuff out, I would ask first, even if it ended up being me doing the throwing!

I would be too worried that he might get get up with my crap collections and throw them out when I wasn't looking.

We both have a couple of items of clothing that date back to when we first met 17 years ago and DH has his old school ties. Not really that odd.

no, I still have a few items kept in hope that one day when not pg or planning anymore I might get back into them

don't get my wrong, I would never touch any of his rugby tops regardless of whether or not he fits into him and I KNOW his fav stuff as its permanently in the washing but do we NEED the free tshirts from that club in magaluf or 12 faded black t-shifts that wouldn't fit?!?

have never thrown out anything I knew he would like to keep for 'sentimental' purposes byt my dh would wear socks till they fell off his feet ffs - throw them out, go to matalan and buy some new ones lol

Sorry - get fed up

sorry - I wasn't meaning to offend anyone

Maybe it depends on the situation? My DH wouldn't mind; he likes me to keep an eye on clutter around the house and so on (not because I'm submissive but because neither of us like clutter but I'm the only one who likes getting rid of it). He wouldn't care in the least if I threw away his old clothes/junk. However, there are things of obvious sentimental value or use that I'd never throw away without asking. I can understand why some people might feel unhappy about doing it though.

My DH doesn't care. In fact he'd rather I made the decisions about that sort of thing. As long as I don't mess with the workshop .

ah beaniesteve I'm personally not offended I just know what a procrastonator (sp!?!) my husband is and we can't afford the space anymore, he has 3 broken hoovers in the shed FFS!!