MIL visiting

[Mumsterof2]

DH and I have two kids, 6 & 8. DH works away 3/3 weeks home/away. MIL lives 2 hours away and is the main childcare for our niece. MIL wants to visit us, but this needs to coincide with SIL’s annual leave, which she has arranged, without asking first, for when DH is away. I don’t want MIL visiting when DH is away, as I’ve already arranged holiday clubs for the kids whilst I’m working. I’m getting frustrated that SIL’s childcare requirements seem to dictate when MIL is able to visit us. It’s already a bone of contention between DH and his sister, as we think MIL does too much (she’s late 70’s, niece is 5). AIBU expecting SIL to arrange alternative childcare so MIL can visit her other two grandchildren. For context, she’s seen them for 2 days since October 21. Us visiting her is not an option due to work commitments.

This.

Elderly FIL lives more than 2 hours drive away but DH often visits him at weekends or even just for the day.

I can't get my head round why your DH hasn't taken the kids to visit his mum in all that time when he regularly has 3 weeks at home.

There is obviously stuff you are not saying but you can't expect much sympathy if you are going to be so oblique about the situation.

OP, I really sympathise! Lots of defensive comments from others about how MIL can look after SIL child all the time and that it‘s nothing to do with you. But we have a similar situation and I just think to treat your son’s children so differently and yet be the main childcare provider for your daughter is not very fair at all. I have to say that MIL will prob be needed less as her other grandchild gets older but it’s usually just as much her wanting to ‘feel needed’ for her daughter and grandchild. I’d definitely ask her to come over when your OH is around. Otherwise it could just get really strained. Good luck!

5/6 days a week, often from 7am - 6pm.

It is a lot and I can understand why you feel the way you do but your MIL is an adult who chooses to do this, it isn't just your SIL that you should consider the problem here.
Good luck.