To say something to them ?

[TinaTeaspoons]

Colleagues keep gossiping about a woman we work with. She is intensely private, very shy, single, think she lives with parents but hasn't actually said. No kids and aged 40 but looks in her twenties which becomes relevant as I go on. She is really lovely and brilliant at her job which is all that counts in my book. Anyway, she has just come back from a 2 week holiday with her parents and 2 of my colleagues are saying how odd it is, how sad they are for her, how she hasn't got anyone else to go with etc, how weird it is that she seems more like a teen than a middle aged woman. All I have said is that it must be tough to be single at 40 as my sister is around the same age and in a similar position which makes me feel protective of my colleague. As I know from my sister that other people can be very cruel and make it seem like there is something wrong with you if you have no partner or kids. Also, people say she should go on holiday alone but many wouldn't like that. Personally, I would not. My main point is that I feel she is being bullied. Aibu to go to HR?

Thanks for this @fancreek.

It would be age related and sex related discrimination, as they are singling her out because she is an unmarried woman in her 40s.

You said this in your OP @TinaTeaspoons

'All I have said is that it must be tough to be single at 40 '

Because I wanted them to stop and foolishly thought they might think twice about what they were saying if they could emphasise.

Go on Google @bridgetreilly, type in Equality Act 2010 protected characteristics. Read it. Then come back and apologise.

I didn’t mean to say it wasn’t a protected characteristic, but that what the OP described is not discriminatory behaviour, either on the basis of marital status or age or anything. Because it is not discriminatory behaviour.

The law protects you against discrimination at work, including:

• dismissal
• employment terms and conditions
• pay and benefits
• promotion and transfer opportunities
• training
• recruitment
• redundancy

Which of these is she being discriminated in?

And indeed this:

Discrimination can come in one of the following forms:

• direct discrimination - treating someone with a protected characteristic less favourably than others
• indirect discrimination - putting rules or arrangements in place that apply to everyone, but that put someone with a protected characteristic at an unfair disadvantage
• harassment - unwanted behaviour linked to a protected characteristic that violates someone’s dignity or creates an offensive environment for them
• victimisation - treating someone unfairly because they’ve complained about discrimination or harassment

She is not being treated differently, she is not being harassed or victimisation. There are no laws about talking about a colleague or not liking a colleague or thinking a colleague has a weird lifestyle. There are laws about how someone is actually treated.

@bridgetreilly so as you've kindly put the descriptors. She is being discriminated against because she is an unmarried woman (sex) who is in her forties (age). Because of this she is viewed as a figure to be pitied and is seen as lesser than a married woman or a single younger woman.

The actions also come under harassment as you've described here.

It is also bullying- you can look that up if you like.

Nothing wrong with going to HR. But you will probably be the one being gossiped about after that. I would just laugh and remind them that unmarried childless women the happiest demographic.