Embarrassing myself at work

[londonba]

I started a new job. There is friction with some in the existing team as some applied for my role and didn’t get the job, so they might think someone else was more deserving. They assume I’m inexperienced as my last job wasn’t in their company, I’m an outsider. My manager is supportive but is off this week.

Today I spoke to my manager’s deputy for the first time. The call was only to say hello as we work in different regions, it was awkward. She seemed like she was in a rush, and didn’t engage in the conversation eg lots of awkward silences. I felt under scrutiny eg I said I need to reject an expenses claim, she agreed but said it was too basic for me to discuss with her and that I should have got on with it myself. Felt embarrassing. I don’t want to unnecessarily reject things as I’m already dealing with tension in the team.

Aibu to feel like she’ll report back negative feedback to my manager, and that I need to be on the defensive? Seems like it might be used as a rod to prove my inexperience perhaps but I’m in my 2nd week of the role. I’m wondering how to change their perception of me, as ultimately trust takes time to build and I’m being treated with suspicion and it is exhausting.

You are being totally unreasonable.

How do you know that there are “frictions” in the other team. This is just your imagination.

You contacted your bosses deputy about a work issue, and worried that they didn’t engage with you socially, when you were aware they were busy, and were asking them for input on something your job role should have dealt with.

Before you reject the claim, have an open conversation with them about the reason why, so they know you will communicate with them.

Have a chat with the team and let them know that your role is to support them, and to do that you need their experience and expertise. Tell them that it'll take a bit of time for you to learn their strengths and ask what their expectations of you will be.

Let them know they're valuable assets and you want to work with them; and you will support them as long as they can be open and trusting of you.

Communication is the key here.

You might be a tad paranoid.
Maybe the deputy was very busy and didn't have time for chit chat. Maybe she's not the kind to have conversations outside of strictly work.

Yeah, the other team members might be a bit envious but if you do your job right eventually they will come around.

Also why would the deputy report negative feedback? What is she going to say "oh, the new hire asked me a basic question"...? That's not necessarily negative btw.

I'd stop trying to force relationships and just do my job.

You've had harsh responses OP. It's really daunting starting a new job and the deputy was unnecessarily mean x

She's had 3 responses and only one was even slightly harsh...

It is really tough starting somewhere new. I always hate it and think I've made a massive mistake for a good while.

Hang on in there. Keep on keeping on. In a few months some of those giving you the cold shoulder might be good friends. Office politics can be brutal, but incorrect assumptions are usually ironed out.

From experience, the best way to deal with the situation of working with people who also interviewed for your role is to acknowledge it with your colleagues and make it clear that you recognise the experience they have of the organisation and have plenty to learn from them; that you’re more than happy to collaborate with them on projects and, where relevant, delegate work to those who have the skills, so they get to demonstrate their own strengths and develop themselves further. Once colleagues recognise that you aren’t intending to be adversarial and aren’t going to try and take on the role of chief whip-cracker to make your position clear and justify it to them, relationships will flow much more easily.

I think you’re on the defensive a bit over the expense claim discussion. The deputy was making it clear that she expects somebody of your level to know how to handle an expense claim and trusts that you’ll do so capably. That you don’t need her advice on what to reject or not, because she’s confident you’ll be sure to explain to the colleague who submitted it why you’re rejecting it and ask them for further justification if they believe it’s claimable - rather than throw it back at them saying “nah, not agreeing to this, you chancing twat.” I very much doubt she’ll feed anything negative on it back to your manager: it sounds like such a minor aspect to both your role and far more so here that she’ll have more or less instantly forgotten about it.

If I were you I would focus on the job. You were successful in your application for the position so keep that in the forefront of your mind and forget what those around you may think.

I doubt very much that your phone call will be spoken about with your manager. You did nothing wrong, you were just overly cautious. Take on board what you were told and get on with things with more confidence.

good luck!

Didn’t want the post to be too long but my manager told me. I’ve spoken to my predecessor who faced the same and this was why she left on a level transfer to a similar role. There’s issues with bullying in the team, grievances ongoing. Also I’m not bothering her when she’s busy, it’s a meeting booked in both our calendars that she accepted?

I can't make out what actually happened and what you think may be happening?
Have the team actually behaved in an unwelcoming way, rather than maybe busy or just that they dont know you yet, and you just think they might resent you?
Did the deputy ask you to call her and then be off with you? Or did you just call her and she was busy/ didn't have a lot to say?
Did she place you under scrutiny with lots of questions and micro managing? Or did you just feel you needed to check the expenses with her off your own bat?
Telling you you don't need to check with her is the opposite of scrutiny, surely? Its just clarifying the remit of your authority.
I can't see what in any of this is embarrassing for you?

ignore their nonsense. That colleague was taking the piss to make you feel uncomfortable. don't let it get space in your head. That's how bullies work. So a mantra for you could be "easy, breezy, professional "

there is further context, posted before your message. Other things have happened such as the team saying in meetings they think recruitment is a shambles and that the wrong people are being hired. I’ve been told by my manager to be aware of scrutiny, and there’s a culture they want to stamp out.

The team is based nationally so this call was an introduction meeting booked in both our calendars, a 1-1. Has to be virtual as we don’t work in office together. It wasn’t a random, unexpected call.

I suppose you know when someone is being off with you and when someone is being helpful - I’ve seen her in meetings where her personality was different. We have not spoken at all since I started although we are colleagues on the same level, whereas others have been more welcoming. The conversation certainly wasn’t about empowering me.

Sorry, yes, I think we must have been typing at the same time!
As far as the team goes, I think two weeks is a bit early to be overly concerned. They may be huffing a bit and may be a bit fed up with the culture, and may have good reason. If this is the case, its possible that in time they will settle and come to accept you and appreciate your strengths. Personally I'd not say anything to them as yet. Just do your job, friendly, supportive, firm but fair etc.
On the other hand you may be unfortunate enough to have a rogue on your hands with a team determined to be disgruntled because their culture has become one of whining and dissatisfaction. Thats much harder and you will need support to deal with that. But it's early days yet, so cross that bridge if you come to it.
As far as the deputy is concerned, try not to worry about her. She's not your line manager, and they are supportive, which is the important thing. If the only negative thing she has to say is that you unnecessarily checked an expense claim in your second week, I can't imagine your manager will think too badly of you!
For now, I'd concentrate on what your manager wants you to achieve in your role, and unless the interpersonal stuff becomes a barrier to that, I'd just wait for things to settle for now.

Thank you, that’s brilliant advice! @5128gap

It sounds like you are in a management position and the team feel one of them should have got the job. Here's a tough but important lesson which took me 3 years to learn in my first management role. They are not your friends. They don't have to like you, or you them. However, they must learn to respect you....and that goes for your bosses to.
it's early days. It will take time. Your boss seems supportive. The deputy not so. Personally I'd email the deputy tomorrow and say something like "I think I perhaps wasn't clear when I checked with you about rejecting the expenses claim. I'm new to the company and want to make sure I'm fitting in with the procedure you have. I thought it best to double check with someone who knows the rules inside out"
Going forward I would keep a copy and backups of every thing the deputy sends via email to cover your arse till you know you can trust her. Ditto any instructions/info etc to the team...tell them verbally if that's usual but follow up with a clear concise email.

thank you! I think I’ll wait and see if my manager says anything, surely it would be worse if I approved something I shouldn’t have.

It’s an odd dynamic as I think some on this team have simultaneously low expectations and high expectations of me? eg I shouldn’t have got the job so there’s a low tolerance for mistake as Tim could do the job better. But ultimately I can’t go around making visible changes and having that level of impact until I get people on side.