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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she was out of line ?

27 replies

Bluey124 · 25/07/2023 21:33

Been doing some work at a youth centre and as father in law lives about 5 minutes away, he has kindly been giving me lifts home. So he will park up in the car park while all staff and parents collecting can use, then obviously wait for me to come out.
Today a colleague rushed in and said that she kept seeing a 'dodgy' guy sitting in a car in the carpark who she didn't recognise and that she was suspicious. I told her who it was and she had the grace to look embarrassed but I also was. Made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Aibu to think that she should have had the common sense to know that it was either a kids grandparent or someone related to the staff? I did tell FIL and he thought it was funny but also odd and we both agreed he would park up somewhere else next time.

OP posts:
Ballsacks · 25/07/2023 21:37

Not really a big deal is it

Londontown12 · 25/07/2023 21:40

This reminded me when I was an apprentice stylist early in my hairdressing career!
I had gone for lunch and another colleague had same name as me and we both came back from lunch together . Another colleague said oh by the way some weird dodgy guy came in looking for u cut along story short it was my Dad !! I thought it was funny so did my dad ! Maybe she’s just very vigilant x

Original poster
Bluey124 · 25/07/2023 21:44

I just didn't like the term 'dodgy'. He said he caught her eye as she was putting the bins out and that she gave him an odd look. I'm all for being vigilant but it was not like he was doing anything wrong. Poor guy was just sat there for a few minutes waiting for me. As I say, it could have been a uncle or grandfather of anyone's. She can't expect to know everyone by sight.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 25/07/2023 21:47

Better to be over vigilant than under.

realistically sitting alone in a car outside a youth centre will understandably raise eyebrows in a “keep an eye out” kind way for anyone with even basic safeguarding training.

Hopelesscynic · 25/07/2023 21:48

Your colleague is BU making a deal out of nothing.

You are BU for changing the location of his parking entirely because of her.

Original poster
Bluey124 · 25/07/2023 21:51

I just thought it was better all round.
If he was sitting there filming the centre or attempting to speak to anyone using the centre then I would understand but all the poor sod does is sit there for 5 minutes in the car and wait. If she's going to be suspicious of every unknown male in the car park then she's going to have her work cut out.

OP posts:
JadeClade · 25/07/2023 21:54

no need to pick up somewhere else, he will be recognised next time

Nothingbuttheglory · 25/07/2023 21:56

If she's going to be suspicious of every unknown male in the car park then she's going to have her work cut out.

How many unknown males hang around outside this youth centre every day?

Original poster
Bluey124 · 25/07/2023 22:16

A fair few were collecting at that time and if she was really that concerned she could have had a quick chat with management and they would have no doubt asked her why she was suspicious etc, maybe asked the staff if they knew him. She really embarrassed me and as I said, made me feel we were doing something wrong even though it's a public car park for drop off and pick ups as well as staff parking.

OP posts:
YabbaDabbaDooooo · 25/07/2023 22:17

Bit silly to pick up elsewhere

BrieAndChilli · 25/07/2023 22:21

I think you are being a bit over dramatic!

I am a scout leader and after a while you do recognise parents/other adults who drop off and collect and yes if a random person I didn’t know and who didn’t seem to ever pick up was sat outside I would ask other leaders about them.

would you rather she said nothing and it ended up being an estranged father trying to take thier child or a pervert waiting to grab one?

she didn’t embarrass you, she voiced a concern and then you put her right. Move on to the next thing, no need to be a drama llama!

threecupsofteaminimum · 25/07/2023 22:22

YABU

DDivaStar · 25/07/2023 22:23

No need to pick up elsewhere. I guess she thought it odd if the children were leaving but he hadn't picked anyone up. Now she knows, perhaps just mention it to your manager incase anyone else queries why he's there.

HorseyMel · 25/07/2023 22:25

She must be on Mumsnet to be as suspicious and accusing as that ;)

Strugglingtodomybest · 25/07/2023 22:29

I don't really see what there is to be embarrassed about tbh.

Original poster
Bluey124 · 25/07/2023 22:34

@BrieAndChilli So do the sensible thing then and tell management. Not walk into the room talking about a dodgy guy whose only crime is sitting in a car waiting. She should have realised he may have been related to any one of us in the centre, and she wouldn't know every parent by sight either.

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 26/07/2023 00:13

Bluey124 · 25/07/2023 22:34

@BrieAndChilli So do the sensible thing then and tell management. Not walk into the room talking about a dodgy guy whose only crime is sitting in a car waiting. She should have realised he may have been related to any one of us in the centre, and she wouldn't know every parent by sight either.

I'm with you on this, OP. As you say, presumably parents and grandparents pick their kids up from the youth centre regularly, so a man waiting quietly in a car at closing time cannot, in itself, be anything unusual. And describing him as 'dodgy looking' is absurd. You can't tell if someone is 'dodgy' from their face, whatever you think of their appearance.

If she had concerns, the appropriate way to raise it would be to say something like 'Does anyone know the guy in the grey VW Passat [or whatever]? Just noticed him parked there a a few times now so wondered if he was a parent or giving someone a lift'.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 26/07/2023 00:18

I think she overreacted and now you are overreacting, in a way that cuts off your nose to spite your face.

stichguru · 15/10/2023 22:30

Her choice of words was poor, but the sentiment was completely right. Stop massively over-reacting.

Elvis1956 · 15/10/2023 22:37

Sadly no, as a man I walked past a 13 year old girl in tears for fear I would be judged as grooming. Yet I see Spanish waiters happily taking little girls off on their own and giving them a treat. Britons have a fear of paedophilia stoked by the Sun in particular, which doesn't recognise that most offended (and I've seen one set fire to himself) are known to the parents and excuses made for them.

Mumof2teens79 · 15/10/2023 22:41

How is mentioning it to colleagues overreacting but telling management is not?
For a start management aren't there to deal with everything they should expect that staff would have done some investigation or taken some action first.

ClippyClopp · 15/10/2023 23:26

Calling someone dodgy simply because they are not recognised is rude. I’d have told my colleague that and to stop being so judgmental

Dedsec2023 · 15/10/2023 23:40

these days you can never be too sure on whos truly who

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/10/2023 23:41

Hopefully she will be more tactful next time.

Checking the waiting person is legit is fine - but a simple 'hey I keep seeing this car and don't recognise the person, are they waiting for someone from here?' would have done the trick, without causing offence.

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/10/2023 23:42

Elvis1956 · 15/10/2023 22:37

Sadly no, as a man I walked past a 13 year old girl in tears for fear I would be judged as grooming. Yet I see Spanish waiters happily taking little girls off on their own and giving them a treat. Britons have a fear of paedophilia stoked by the Sun in particular, which doesn't recognise that most offended (and I've seen one set fire to himself) are known to the parents and excuses made for them.

Your reply poses far more questions than it answers.

How did you know the girl was 13 and why were you crying?

What are the Spanish waiters doing in your story and what are the treats?

And what has self-immolation got to do with anything?

Very strange post indeed.

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