To expect him to tidy as he goes

[Orangepen13]

Context: we have a 1.5 year old. He works full time as a teacher, I work 3.5 days in the week and have Thursday/Fridays off with our child. I’m a Thursday he gets home
after bed time because he also supports a local kids sports team.

usually our routine is one does bath, the other tidies up after dinner, then I always do bedtime.

it’s now summer holidays, and we have the same argument EVERY YEAR, but it’s tripled because of small person.

When I’m off with her, I tidy as I go. If we leave a room, we tidy up together. If we go out, we put shoes away, empty the pram etc. Partner is now off with her while I’m at work and chooses not to tidy in the day and instead leaves it all for the end of day tidy.

This really bugs me because it takes so much longer, the house looks chaotic which makes me feel gross, and I feel like I’m having to tidy up his mess when I’m on tidy duty! Plus, I don’t leave him
with the same mess on my days off, so just feel like he’s taking the piss or at very best not even thinking about what I prefer

Some examples that I would have tidied up include: dirty nappy and banana skin in the pram, two pairs of shoes in the hall, plates of toast/mugs/containers of snacks on the floor, toy sets spread out across multiple rooms, bath toys all pulled out of the bath etc.

he had tidied the beds, tidied up lunch stuff, cooked dinner and kept child alive.

AIBU to feel a bit disrespected that he can’t tidy up as I would do, and instead leaving it for me in the evening? He says I’m just expecting him to parent like me, and therefore that I think it’s my way or else

I'm team DH on this one I'm afraid. I always leave tidying to the end of the day when DS has gone to bed. It never takes more than 10 mins or so.

The nappy should have gone straight into the bin but otherwise I think you’re being a bit picky to expect him to do things exactly as you would.

what you have mentioned is hardly going to take hours to sort out.

I think you're unreasonable for thinking you get to dictate how he should run his day at home. I'd be irritated if DH started telling me what I had to do at each stage in the day so the house is kept to his standard.

I don't think it's unreasonable to have a sensible and adult discussion about things such as plates, snack crumbs etc though so they're not sitting around all day though.

If one of you usually tidies while the other does bathtime, why can’t you just do bathtime while he tidies?

If my DH just moaned at me about tidying while I was looking after our toddler I would politely tell him to fuck off if I’m honest.
You’re being controlling. He’s usually at work all work, maybe he just wants a bit of quality time with his child in the day?
Tidying as you go doesn’t really work with a toddler, you’re just pointlessly tidying all day.

The only thing he's doing wrong is expecting you to clean up after them at the end of the day. He has to do it.

But he probably won't do it to your standard.