Fully anticipate that people will think I’m tight (hence the name change)! Apologies in advance for the long post.
So, I hate the whole collection for gifts carry on. It always seems to end up being unfair. Some examples…
-when working PT, I was told the collections have set amounts, £10 for someone leaving, £10 for birthdays, £10 for engagements. £20 for weddings, (not invited to any events, just had to stump up the cash for someone to present the gift on behalf of the department). I often wasn’t in to see the presentation being PT (nobody’s fault just situation). I started with another woman and was asked for £1 for her birthday. I queried this because birthdays are £10. I was told we hadn’t been there very long, so she was just going to get a bottle of vodka, I said I wanted to put in £10 as we had for others and was told not to bother and could buy her another present as well if I wanted. Roll forward to my birthday a whole 11months after starting, worked on my birthday. Nothing!?! My birthday came up in general conversation, the next week a bottle of vodka was dumped on my workstation. No presentation, no card, no gift bag! After nearly a whole year of contributing I still only got a bottle of plonk that I don’t even drink!
Roll forward to more recently. I have a group of friends who I see very infrequently. I’ve seen them twice so far this year. There are seven of us. They’ve started this clubbing together for gifts. My birthday I got a £50 Amazon voucher a £10 bottle of wine and a bath bomb. It doesn’t take a genius to work out how much was collected for me. Two other birthdays so far and we’ve been told £20 each… That’s £120. (No vouchers lovely gifts, think jewellery, expensive perfume, expensive champagne etc.)
I really don’t want any confrontation raising this and it’s so awkward to not join in. I very nearly dropped out last time and said oh I forgot we club together and bought my own, but I wussed out because this is so established now and I don’t want to put others in an awkward position when it comes to my birthday or for it to be awkward anyway. It seems like a massive competition to outdo the last organiser with people performing, although god knows who organised mine.
With the cost of living crisis, I prefer what we do at my current work an anonymous online pool, you put in if you want and how much is up to you. No pressure as you don’t know how much others put in and vice versa. Coincidentally some of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve had have come from this team.
I thought the idea of clubbing together is so you could spend slightly less than what you would do individually. Have I got this wrong?
Even if the price is going to be set, it should be fair for all surely? I know it’s the thought that counts but feel like some people take the piss and lacking thought with some I receive. If I loved the gifts the money wouldn’t be as much of an issue.
Thanks for reading the ramblings of a lunatic if you got this far.
I could go on about shit gifts but that’s a full other thread.
So my AIBU is:
YABU you tight arse, suck it up and contribute to your friends’ gifts. You’ll probably get a better gift next time and should be grateful for anything you get. Or stop being a wuss, back out of the gift giving (I won’t do this, I’ll end up being bitter to avoid confrontation and going along with everything as if I’m perfectly happy)
YANBU it’s unfair and gift giving is a real burden, it would be awkward to bring up and would ruin your friendship and make it awful when you cross paths.
Would love to hear others who have been in the same boat.