So my sisters been with her partner now for almost a year, so not a overly new relationship however my sister lives in Kent with half my family whilst I live in Somerset with the other half. This does mean however that we only see each other around 3 times a year. I have just came back from a visit seeing them and I can’t help but have continued bad vibes from him, in which our mum agrees also as she has cottoned on to things which could be potential ‘red flags’, we just aren’t sure whether or not to say anything however as she seems happy and so we wouldn’t want her to think that we aren’t happy for her. I might add in that she is 29 whilst he is actually 46 so a larger age gap. Examples of situations that have made us question him however is things like the fact my sister has had a bob style hair cut for the last few years and she said she would never go back to having it long now (she really suited it short), however he apparently said he liked long hair and has paid for her to now have extensions so she now has long hair, it doesn’t sound like much on its own but then apparently he finds it attractive when girls go to the gym, a couple weeks later and my sister has started going to the gym when she’s never set foot in a gym in a her life (she is tiny and naturally very toned), then also my sister has had a breast augmentation about 8 years ago, to just a normal size where she felt more confident, her new partner apparently started showing her the type of boobs he found attractive (bigger) - she’s now booked in to get them bigger which HE is paying for. These things I did raise a few concerns with but she just brushed them off as it was everything that she wanted to do but I’m just not convinced. So not only has this raised concerns, but my sister has also left her job to work for him, they are now talking about moving to a bigger house together and this is making me concerned because it would be renting and the rent of the places they are looking at would be completely unaffordable for my sister alone, she also has two daughters so I just feel like if she was ever in a position where she wanted to leave him then she wouldn’t be able to just go and find a new job and place big enough for her and her girls, especially when he would be controlling her current income.
He’s just shown other controlling flags such as the trip we just came back from was for my dads 60th, my dad hired a bouncy castle for the children and my sister was setting it up but came back to the kitchen to get her phone as it had speakers which you could connect your phone to, I wasn’t in the kitchen but my partner was and he said that he heard her partner questioning why she needed to take her phone and even when she explained he still questioned it as if she was lying. We also set an air bed up in the front room for the children to sleep on and my sister was going to sleep on the sofa next to them incase they woke up in the night, however even though suddenly her youngest started getting upset about sleeping in the front room, she suddenly said she was sleeping upstairs with him and in the end my partner said he would sleep on the sofa (our daughter was down there too, I had to get our baby to sleep upstairs so he wouldn’t wake anyone in the night otherwise I would of) but the original plan was the children sleep in one of the spare rooms so they didn’t have to go far for toilet etc and him and my sister have air bed downstairs, but she said that he wouldn’t sleep on an air bed so that put that out the equation. Quite a few family members have said there’s something about him that they can’t quite put their finger on, and they’ve never said anything like this about any of our partners before - yet he hasn’t actually done anything wrong (that we know of at least).
I’m just not convinced, but I don’t know if I am blowing this way out of proportion or if I should be stepping in and mentioning something in a caring way just to make sure that she is ok and there’s nothing going on?