Husband's uncle's widow's funeral in distant city

[leli]

I've had a hell of year and I am completely exhausted. DH and I are on holiday next week with planned mooching around on the agenda. My DH's uncle's widow has sadly died. He wants to go to her funeral next week and to stay overnight with his cousin in cousin's distant city. I have never met DH's cousin. I have no problem with DH going, but he wants me to go too. I really don't want to. For history, we do some things separately always and DH has refused to accompany me to a few things I've wanted him to do. It's a genuine AIBU?

My deceased father's nephews didn't come to my mother's funeral let alone their wives. Absolutely fine by all of us.

It doesn’t sound like her DH needs support. He wanted her to meet his cousins and a funeral is an opportunity to meet and see a lot of extended family at one time. Especially when deaths are not tragic, it can be an opportunity to get together. My cousins and I often go for dinner when we are all in one place due to a death. Partners and spouses pretty much always attend unless they have some other commitment. I don’t know anyone who only attends funerals of their own relatives and not those of their partner / spouses. Any funeral I have ever attended has had couples present.

Now that DH and I are both working full time and looking after DS isn't an issue we "divide and conquer" when it comes to funerals. We live in the west country; my wider family is in the south east; and DH's are in Scotland. I go to my family funerals with DM and DSIS and he goes to his family funerals with his DSIS. The local funerals are decided on a case by case basis.

However the chance to do some sightseeing in another city would be a big draw for me.

The cousin who is sooooo important to her DH that she's never even met him.

I don't know where any of my cousins live nor do I have their phone numbers.

I should have clarified that DH’s uncle, his father’s brother, died a few years ago, that’s why I described his aunt as his uncle’s widow!

OP said "DH has been wanting me to visit his cousin and the distant city for a while".

It isn't the DH not cousin's fault that they haven't met, it's still been OP blocking it. Now she isn't willing to even meet the cousin at their mother's funeral. This isn't how we consider family in our household. Everyone is different, but as I said, seems a bit odd to me. Not so much "for better for worse" as "only the fun bits m'kay?".

Yes families are all different!
You can't conclude from this that the OP is only in her marriage for the "fun bits". A hell of a reach there.
As I said up thread, the absence of a spouse at a funeral would not offend my family nor would it indicate anything about that marriage. Especially if its a not particularly close relationship by marriage in a different part of the UK

@MRex you seem bizarrely invested. I assume if the cousin and the OP's cousin were so close they might have met up. Or perhaps the cousin could have come and visited them, seeing as the op and her her husband have busy and complicated lives. Or indeed the husband could have arranged a trip to visit the cousin before now.

But it seems like neither of them are that bothered but the OP's husband is a bit sentimental about their relationship which is fine. It happens to a lot of people when they get older.

Sod all to do with the OP though.

Incidentally, if you can find dog care for more than one dog during the school holidays at short notice, you're a magician.

That's what I thought. Just say aunt 😂😂

Also I think DH (who’s in his 70s) is a bit old school, the wife should support husband but it’s not really two ways.

He can’t have his cake and eat it too.

Maybe this will make him realise that he needs to accompany you if he wants a companion.

I definitely wouldn’t go.

My uncle's wife died a few months ago (so my actual aunt) and I didn't go to her funeral. No way would I be going to the funeral of a distant rellie of my partner even if it was just up the road.

I'm unlikely to go to my own aunt's funeral let alone DHs,

Whilst the op's dh may well have called her Aunt X, she's not actually his aunt. The Uncle had died some time ago. The OP was just making the relationship clear.
For many people a relationship by marriage is different to a relationship by 'blood'.

Yanbu to not want to stay with random cousin.

In your situation I would be booking a nice hotel with a swimming pool somwhere vaguely near the funeral, and I would be doing some intensive relaxation while DH did family stuff and he could return to the hotel when done.

I think the way you have described his aunt is bizarre, uncles widow? She was an aunt in her own right, not just some random woman.

That being said, you're not unreasonable for not wanting to go, however he is also not for wanting you to support him and see his family.

An overnight stay in a distant city meeting some new people (albeit at a sad event) sounds more interesting to me than mooching all week at home. You still have the rest of the week to mooch!
I would be up for it, purely to broaden my horizons and be company for my DH (if not support). Sounds like your DH would like to introduce his new partner to his wider family.