Yes, the Kenny Rogers song. I've written new lyrics. AIBU to think I could be the next Don Schlitz? That's the guy who wrote The Gambler to share the homespun wisdom to be found in a simple game of cards.
Note that although the video is subtitled, this isn't karaoke friendly - Kenny is going to be singing along with you, just the more easy listening version. Without further ado:
On a warm summer's eve
On a train bound for Brighton
I met up with a wokester
We were both too tired to sleep
So we both kept on staring
At our phones, and at Twitter
Then outrage overtook us
And we began to tweet.
He typed "Trans women are women
They belong in women's spaces
From prison cells to bike races
Hashtag NoDebate
You'd better use those pronouns
Or your face we'll be punching
You're on the wrong side of history
We don't need your advice."
It was all too much to swallow
And I have my share of bottle
Then I rolled my sleeves up
And got ready to fight
The night was deathly quiet
Just the sound of fingers tapping:
If you're gonna play this game boy,
You're gonna lose; I'll tell you why –
You surely know who's a woman
Know who is fakin'
These mistakes you're makin'
Are hurting everyone
You will forget John Money
When you want to bed a honey
You'll tune out their Crying Game
When you want some fun.
Now every human knows
That the secret to survival
Is half of us with small gametes
And half of us with big
Just don't be a tosser
If your hand seems like a loser
The best body is the one you have
You'll die with those genes.
He didn't take this kindly
But I'm almost out of time here
My logic it had crushed him
Still he tweeted on.
The truth is not transphobic
Reality's addictive
Take these final words with you:
They're bluffing, and they'll lose.
You surely know who's a woman
Know who is fakin'
These mistakes you're makin'
Are hurting everyone
You will forget John Money
When you want to bed an adult human female
You'll tune out their Crying Game
When you want some fun.
Refrain as needed.
Posted in AIBU as I am of course after as many views as possible, all the better to grow my YouTube channel and retire to a life of luxury.