Is my teen too young for sleepovers with her boyfriend?

[thoughtsonapostcardplease]

My 17 year old daughter has been in a relationship with an 18 year old boy for several months now. It's a loving and respectful relationship and they see each other most days. He boards at a school near where we live - or at least did until the holiday - but goes home on weekends too. He actually doesn't live that far away, but loves the boarding life. He's a really nice boy.

The two of them are very sensible, in general, but also when it comes to sex. They haven't actually done it yet, as my daughter doesn't feel quite ready (he would be her first, and he has had one girlfriend before her). I'm certain this is actually the case, as we have a fairly open and honest relationship, and I'm pretty sure she'd tell me!

Last night she asked (begged) if she could stay over at his. They're at that age where they still stay up all night watching films, etc. We had a chat - again - about being careful. And I let her go.

I still don't know if I did the right thing. She was so happy as she set off. She is usually quite a serious, anxious girl but this relationship really seems to have been good for her.

I'm a single parent so don't have a partner to run this by. What are your thoughts please.

You know that the reason for the overnight is she made the decision.

I would be very worried about her decision making ability if she has not already covered the how not to be a mother at 18 when she is thinking of engaging in a act of sexual reproduction. Now that she has come to a firm decision for the first talk you should only be finding out what she has already organised to prevent pregnancy and/or an STI. You should be looking at if she understands how different prevention works for her and what happens if prevention fails.
You should not have to organise the GP etc knowing and preventing risks is part of good decision making.

If you have to step in it should be you explaining why an overnight (sex) is not a good idea (right now) while having a blunt talk about the risks involved.

My daughter asked if I would allow a sleep over with her bf...she's 14.

The answer was no, although she says some friends have been permitted to do so with their bfs (some are sexually active 😬)

Past 16 however, yes, as long as I knew, she was prepared and making informed choices.

17, i was at university at that age!

If she's old enough to have sex she's old enough to sort contraception.

Yes, you did exactly the right thing.
To be honest, I wish 18 yo DD could get some sexual experience in a nice, loving relationship before she goes off to Uni but it's not looking likely now.

Mine did at 17.

Well done OP. 100% supportive. I hope she felt supported.

I told my DCs that if they had no where safe to go to have sex, they needed to come home. They have their own rooms and bathrooms. I talked to both about contraception, too.

She's old enough to do that for herself.

She was old enough, unless they're ND . Mine went at 15 when they had problems with their periods.

Hopefully when she's there! 🤞

Yes, all of ours have had sleepovers with boyfriends/girlfriends from 16.

Id have thought it was a fairly normal part of life at 17/18.

Yes you did the right thing. As long as you are having conversations with her about consent, contraception etc(which it sounds like you are) then yes you have to let her get on with it. They may actually just be watching films and chatting all night who knows! I am dreading these times with my daughter, but you have to let them grow up eventually x

Teen? At 17 she's nearly a legal adult and over the age of consent. In my opinion yes

No don't do that. My stepmother did that to me and it was humiliating. Let the daughter do this herself.

17 year olds are all so very different, sometimes comments like a few above make it seem every 17 year old is the same. Some really need a parent at the Dr, some don't, some it's based on the situation/issue etc.

Back to the OP, it sounds like you handled it really well @thoughtsonapostcardplease and agreed, getting birth control & condoms sorted first is a really good idea. Can take a while to get the right pill for many many people.