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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you feel about attractive women (esp in the office )??

41 replies

Hep1245yo · 24/07/2023 23:51

AIBU to think that we feel slightly jealous/resentful/ or something with women who are attractive / more attractive than ourselves?

I’ve noticed at work there’s a lady who is very pretty and is really lovely/ sociable too. The men in the office get along with her well and it’s obvious they find her attractive but the women tend to stay away from her , not alll of course but the majority do

what do you think ? AIBU?

OP posts:
FuckNuggets · 24/07/2023 23:56

Nope, YABU.

Maddy70 · 24/07/2023 23:57

Really? Of course not! Yabu

Pinkitydrinkity · 24/07/2023 23:57

Yep YABU.

Mamai90 · 24/07/2023 23:57

The majority of women are drawn to attractive women too so YABU.

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 24/07/2023 23:59

Yabu

There may be the odd jealous type but on the whole women won't treat them worse.

Some may treat better. Beauty privilege is real.

Your example sounds unrealistic...

BlossomCloud · 25/07/2023 00:00

Yabu. I am large and have dreadful skin at the moment (thanks to being pumped full of medication) and I really treat everyone the same. Whether it makes a difference that before illness and medication wreaked havoc with my body I did get a lot of male attention I don't know (I didn't invite it, I honestly find the silver lining of weight gain is the lack of unwanted make attention!).

It's how they act as people that matters to me, not what they look like

Deadringer · 25/07/2023 00:02

I think attractive people, especially female ones, get preferential treatment which I think is unfair, but it's human nature so no it doesn't upset me or make me jealous.

CoffeeCantata · 25/07/2023 13:19

Mamai90 · Yesterday 23:57
The majority of women are drawn to attractive women too so YABU.

I agree. I've heard it said that attractive people are attractive to both (or all!!!) sexes, and I think that's true.

I think of myself as distinctly average-looking but boy - I make an effort, so possibly punch above my weight due to that. But I loved watching the really attractive female colleagues at work - what they wore, how they walked, spoke etc. Fascinating - just people-watching, really. I didn't feel any jealousy, which might seem odd.

I'd only feel resentful if the very attractive person was unpleasant, made unkind remarks about those less well-blessed, or used her attractiveness to manipulate people.

I don't judge people by the good or bad luck of their personal appearance, but by their behaviour. Then I do judge and make no apology!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 25/07/2023 13:24

Utter nightmare. Well, she is categorised as such until she finally sends me the data I've needed since July 7th, at any rate.

Once I've got that, she'll go onto the list of people I have to start chasing at least a month in advance, along with everybody else who didn't respond within the fortnight as requested.

Am I supposed to feel anything else?

Butchyrestingface · 25/07/2023 13:27

AIBU to think that we feel slightly jealous/resentful/ or something with women who are attractive / more attractive than ourselves?

Are you using the royal 'we' here? Confused

ABugWife · 25/07/2023 13:29

I used to be quite ugly until I had corrective surgery on my face, now I am told I am attractive and I am one of the slimmest in the office. (I still feel like the ugly girl). No one treats me any differently now that I am supposedly more that averagely attractive, I have always been warm and smiley though. Maybe if I had never been unattractive to start with it would be different?

If a beautiful woman comes into the office I would treat her exactly like everyone else and judge on how she treats me. I would probably be a little envious but I wouldn't judge her on it.

Janieforever · 25/07/2023 13:36

Op, is this how you feel?

Anotherchristianmama · 25/07/2023 13:37

Mostly I fancy them.

VeridicalVagabond · 25/07/2023 13:37

My office is full of attractive women, from pretty young 20 something's fresh from uni to the effortlessly stylish and impeccably well dressed 40 something's who I am endlessly impressed by as I sit there in my leggings and trainers every day.

I can't say I treat any of them any differently to anyone else. As long as they're pleasant and get shit done when I ask them to, I'm not bothered if they look like Angelina Jolie or Shrek.

AgnesX · 25/07/2023 13:38

Personally I couldn't care less. The ones I'm envious of are those ones that everyone loves (including me). I wish I was like that.

Hufflepods · 25/07/2023 13:40

AIBU to think that we feel slightly jealous/resentful/ or something with women who are attractive / more attractive than ourselves?

No, I love when a woman clearly puts time and effort into her appearance.
My only thoughts tend to be good on her, or ‘where is your dress from?’.

ThisIsACoolUserName · 25/07/2023 13:42

Who the hell is 'we'?
No, not at all.

Trisolaris · 25/07/2023 13:43

I work with lots of very attractive women. I’m always super impressed at the ones who put the effort in to be really well turned out and prioritise exercise (both at their organisation skills and amount of energy).

Other than that I don’t feel any different about them than people who are less attractive.

Tinybrother · 25/07/2023 13:43

No I don’t feel jealous/resentful of women who are more attractive than me at work (or anywhere) because I am a well-adjusted professional adult woman who is comfortable with my own appearance and body.

monpetitlapin · 25/07/2023 13:44

Oh FGS OP catch yourself on! What even is "attractive" like it's some absolute concept? IMO people who have the current trends of "swishy hair" "Turkey teeth" all the makeup and the latest clothes aren't taken particularly seriously in the office or academically. But then, I've always worked in industries where intelligence and capability are the gold standard of how valued you are.

Hufflepods · 25/07/2023 13:51

monpetitlapin · 25/07/2023 13:44

Oh FGS OP catch yourself on! What even is "attractive" like it's some absolute concept? IMO people who have the current trends of "swishy hair" "Turkey teeth" all the makeup and the latest clothes aren't taken particularly seriously in the office or academically. But then, I've always worked in industries where intelligence and capability are the gold standard of how valued you are.

Obviously intelligence and capability isn’t the gold standard of how valued people are if you and your coworkers don’t take someone seriously due to “swishy hair”, makeup and “the latest clothes”.
The idea that intelligent people don’t ever care hair, makeup or clothes is pathetic.

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/07/2023 13:51

Nope. Been around long enough to know that a) beauty is a very subjective thing b) being conventionally beautiful doesn't automatically make you happy and c) comparison is the thief of joy.

Life is too short to drive yourself around the bend worrying about whether you match up to some bizarre external standard which is probably in your own head anyway.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 25/07/2023 14:02

The men in the office get along with her well and it’s obvious they find her attractive

This is rarely a boon in the long run.

Notcivilnotservant · 25/07/2023 14:11

Nope. Sometimes I find it mildly amusing to see pathetic men fall over themselves to get attention. I also note that very attractive women tend to be treated as having less brains than others.

I am quite old now so many women are more ‘attractive’ than me. I treat them the same as anyone else or according to how they treat me.

mushyplease · 25/07/2023 14:14

Women - how do attractive women make you feel? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4856752-women-how-do-attractive-women-make-you-feel

Similar discussion... not office based!

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