Is he being unreasonable making me feel bad about this?

[Needtovent6738]

I’ve been seeing someone for around 5-6 months now, we live about 2 hours away from each other but even though we are exclusive to each other, we haven’t exactly put a label on it yet. He doesn’t have any children, I have 2 - 1 with a disability and pets and DC’s father isn’t involved and hasn’t seen them for 2 years because of DV.

Yesterday morning he got sent to hospital out of the blue and ended up needing a small surgical procedure (took about an hour, didn’t need to be opened up or even keyhole surgery). Come the evening and he started getting a little bit shitty with me making comments like it would have been nice if I went to see him in the hospital and that he needed me and I basically wasn’t there for him and now he is questioning if I care about him etc.

I physically couldn’t make it to the hospital over 2 hours away, my children (7 and 9) are on school holidays and can’t cope with being in hospital environments especially my DC with a disability, I only have one family member who is off work to care for the children and their own parent was in hospital so I couldn’t ask them - I seriously don’t know what else I was supposed to do? I’ve text and called them as much as I can to make sure that they’re okay since I found out.

Also, I’m not making it a tit for tat, but he hasn’t bothered to see me for at least the last couple of weeks - either making plans with other people, or in a bad mood so didn’t want to see me, even when a very close relative of mine was unwell and in hospital and he keeps avoiding making a proper commitment to me in general (not putting a label on the relationship and so on) so part of me thinks why should I stress myself out making sure my DC are looked after because you decide you need me for all of 2 minutes when it’s not reciprocated…

AIBU?

Sounds very selfish and one sided op.
Get yourself a better one if you want a relationship

Did he actually have to spend the night at the hospital or was it a day procedure? If the former, his request was unreasonable in the circumstances. If the latter, he's too utterly wet for words. If he wanted you to drop everything, including primary aged children, to visit him he'd need to buy you a teleporter. Unfortunately they haven't been invented yet.

Consider that while you're trudging 2 hours each way to Mr Label-Phobic, you are wasting the time you could be spending meeting available men who actually want a partner and are prepared to do their share of the travelling. I bet within a 2 hour radius of your home there are going to be at least a few. They wouldn't have to try too hard to be nicer than the current one, because by the sound of it he isn't trying at all.

I'm worried - given your background with an abusive relationship - that you're still setting the bar too low when it comes to men.
I'd stay away from ALL relationships until you've done some work on this.
I mean that kindly and not at all judgementally.
Good luck

You’ve been seeing him for 5-6 months and he hardly shows you any affection when he does see you.

FOR GOD’S SAKE. Grow some balls, hoik your bosoms and find your self respect. It’s got to be in naughty corner, surely, wondering what it ever did wrong.