To start trying for baby number 2?

[elm26]

Okay, we need some advice!

We tried for 9 years and had 13 miscarriages before our little miracle DD was born 9 weeks ago.

I have endometriosis but they found no cause for our miscarriages at all.

I almost feel like our DD was a lucky fluke, and my goodness are we grateful for her.

I'd love to have another, I'd love to give her a sibling. So would DH.

On the basis that it took us 9 years to get a healthy pregnancy and baby, if that was to happen again I'd be 39, DH would be 40. I really don't want to have any more past kind of 36/37.

My dilemma is, if we started trying in a few months, I could either fall straight away and everything goes straight forward then I've got 2 under 2 or it could take years again, nobody knows.

What would you do in our situation? We can afford a second baby, I'm well supported by DH and family and we both only want 2 ideally.

If I couldn't ever have another one, I'd be upset but I'm extremely grateful for our beautiful DD and if it's not for us then I will be content with her.

So my question is, in our situation with our history, what would you do?

Did you have a vaginal birth or c section? With c section they recommend a year between births.

I had three miscarriages before my first, thought it will be a struggle to have a second, we fell pregnant first time we had unprotected sex (a year after DD’s birth). So anything could happen!

@Totallyconfusedperson I had a vaginal delivery and no complications during labour (except two failed epidurals 😅) I only had 1 stitch and we were discharged 24 hours later.

That's my worry that I'll get pregnant straight away and I'll find myself with 2 under 2 which isn't what we want ideally but if that's what's meant to be then so be it ☺️

I'd start trying immediately, but then I'm impatient!

So would I. I had a small gap between my two. It's not so bad!

I had two under two, it was tiring but fine. So don't worry about that. You just deal with what happens really.

Are you breastfeeding? If so, there's a good chance nature will give you a decent age gap no matter how early you start trying.

I would start trying straight away. Having 2 under 2 will be a nice problem to have if it happens! Good luck OP.

As much as I personally prefer a bigger gap, in your situation I would just go for it now, I think you're supposed to be more fertile after giving birth (is that scientifically true?!) so I'd be tempted to jump on that.

I had two under two, it was fine. (Three under four - not fine!!) Personally I'd start TTC now in your situation.

We struggled for 5 years, after our miracle daughter was born 10 months ago, we started trying 8 weeks after her birth. Still no luck yet, but we feel like we can’t waste a single day in our dream to continue expanding our family.

Enjoy the baby you have and see how you feel when they are 1. Do you really want to
spend the first year of your DD’s life distracted by another pregnancy? Or dealing with further losses? I understand that you have had an awful time to get to where you are, but in case your DD is your only I’d fully focus on enjoying every moment for now and being fully present. There’s a lot to be processed after that journey.

I'd get straight back on it!

Thanks everyone for your opinions and advice.

We are definitely enjoying our DD, she's everything and we are so in love with her! We waited a long long time to be Mum & Dad and we are soaking up every moment.

We have a couple of holidays planned, one in June next year with our group of friends and their babies/children and ideally I would like to be able to enjoy the holiday and have a couple of cocktails with my girl friends and I also suffered with Hyperemesis and was bed bound for most of my pregnancy with DD so there's a lot of thought to put into it. I think we are leaning towards seeing her first birthday in May then a holiday in June start trying again but another part of me is like "let's go now!" 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I'm not breastfeeding, baby wouldn't latch and was born 5lb 15oz at 39 weeks so they were keen to get her weight up.

She also has CMPA so I guess it's been handy for me not having to cut out dairyZ

We were in a similar situation. Took 7 years and 5mcs to get DC1. We waited 14 months then started TTC for DC2. We fell pregnant on 2nd try. I breastfed until I was 4 months PG with DC2 so don't buy into the breastfeeding myth about it being a contraceptive either! We did have 2 under 2 but they're a toddler and a preschooler now and absolutely adorable together. We would have started sooner but we were buying a house in lockdown and I get hyperemesis gravidarum so we really couldn't do pregnancy until we had moved house.

Good luck and fingers crossed for a healthy and happy pregnancy soon! X

With your update about hyperemesis I would wait. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't want the pregnancy to get in the way of spending quality time with my daughter.