Early motherhood on Instagram

[Faintoplant]

I know IBU and should just quit social media or unfollow etc and I will after today tbh.

An old school friend had a baby day after me 12 weeks ago. We've kept in touch a bit over the years and follow eachother on Instagram but dont meet up as live far apart. I thought it was nice that we'd had babies at same time and could follow each others progress online, maybe share tips etc.

From day one every shot she's posted has been perfectly poised and made it all look so easy breezy. I know there are lots of lovely moments in first few months but it's also so so hard, sleepless nights etc and being emotional. I find a lot of the celebs posts these polished pictures too. Don't get me started on post partum workouts and snapping back into shape.

I've been doing ok and enjoying aspects of motherhood overall but I have found seeing these posts that only talk about the bliss and joy of motherhood a bit triggering as it's only one side of the story and it just isn't like that all the time.

I'm never normally bothered by this kind of thing but I think as we're on a similar tomeline with our babies, it's hard not to compare. When I'm sat crying as I've not been able to get DS to sleep and I see another picture about the joys of breastfeeding or 'Ive just done a post partum gym session and am back in my pre pregnancy clothes', it pushes me over the edge. I feel frumpy and am just doing what I can to power through.

I know I'm being ridiculous and its time to come off SM but just needed to rant as I think motherhood is so misrepresented on there. I don't have PND btw, just fed up sometimes.

You choose who you follow and you can choose who you unfollow. Find another way to spend that time - I used the apps BorrowBox and Libby to read a lot with my second instead of doom scrolling and I was much much happier for it.

No one’s bitter here, but I do think it’s hard to not feel like you’re doing something wrong when people post the positives of a newborn while you feel like crap.

When I say all a lie I meant it’s not sunshine and roses 24/7 (if it is for you then amazing) but when you’re sat scrolling and seeing it constantly it’s hard to not compare, which is what I think OP is doing too.

I wasn’t talking about now with the not eating, i meant more in them early newborn days when for some people things like eating a meal can be a struggle.
Obviously not everyone goes through this but when you’re in that place it’s tough seeing people online flourishing when you feel like you’re drowning.

Actually you're wrong it's not all a lie. I have a son who loves sleeps

Jesus, I used that phrase to try and support OP who is struggling with comparison.

When you’re having a tough time and crying to yourself because you think you’re doing a crap job it’s nice to know others are in the same boat and it’s nothing you’re doing wrong.

I have got barely any nice pics of me and baby, anytime I get my phone out to film a selfie video baby stops smiling or I look gross with unwashed hair and no make up! I would say if you want some nice ones go to a professional and get them that day that takes the pressure off and get off social media- you (fortunately) don't rely on it for your career so there's no need for you to have an insta perfect feed.

I'm currently reading a book called 'people like her' about a mama influencer - you should read it!

There’s no need to drag other people down to make yourself feel better. If a positive photo on Instagram makes you feel shitty that’s your own issue, it doesn’t automatically mean the woman is cripplingly insecure and “it’s all a lie”.

I found the newborn stage easy peasy with my children. They just slept all the time and were very chilled out when they were awake. My first child didn't cry until he was 8 weeks old and I cut his finger when trimming his nails. He would just do a little grunting noise when he was hungry or needed his nappy changed.

I always felt like I'd been hit by a bus after I'd given birth though and so many women were out doing their groceries with their curly blow dries while I looked homeless and couldn't walk. Everyone will have their own struggle.

Honestly, not everyone finds it hard all of the time and it grates on me (and I know other who feel exactly the same) when I see friends non stop moaning on social media or reposting quotes on ‘hold the mother, not the baby’.

Is there is anyone left that truly believe SM is real life? it does not a degree to realise people don't usually post the reality of anything much

It wasn't until I had my 2nd DC that I realised how different each baby can be. My first was so difficult to get to sleep, woke 10 times a night etc and my second DC couldn't be easier. You can't compare one baby to another and just because one phase for someone may be easy doesn't mean the next will. I fully understand your feelings though, It remember how the comments about other babies sleeping through the night affected me when my DC1 didn't sleep through until they were more than 2 years old. Hang in there!