AIBU - Alcohol consumption.

[Turkey23]

AIBU - Partners drinking…

I have been staying with my partner for 2 months in his home country - Turkey.

I’ll start by saying I know that social norms are different to the UK but I’m confused as to whether this is ‘normal’, acceptable behaviour.

My partner works 6 days a week - long hours.

When I first arrived, we spent some nights out drinking and socialising with his friends, it’s the first time I have stayed at his for a long period of time and I was okay with this. New country, wanting to explore and try different bars and clubs etc.

As time went on I settled into my normal UK routine with the exception of seeing his family every single day - I’m okay with this, they are great people!

Now my AIBU is with his drinking. He drinks almost everyday. A drink whilst sitting at the beach, a drink whilst with friends, a drink whilst sitting with family and so on.

The issue is his drinking doesn’t affect our life, he never gets drunk and it doesn’t affect us financially. He gets up everyday on time for work and is an all round nice, genuine guy.

So AIBU to feel uncomfortable with his drinking? Or should I ‘let him live’ as it isn’t affecting us?

Thanks for reading :)

I personally don't see what you are describing as a problem/ problem drinking. A beer watching the waves after a hard day at work, I'd grab a coke and enjoy it with him.

I know someone said problem drinking is when it is a problem for your family. But I don't think what he is doing is a problem.

You of course are allowed to not like it, and to not stay with some one who drinks a beer or two daily.

Not a problem given what you've described and in that culture. Yes, you may be stricter coming from a different context but I really wouldn't describe it as a drink problem in any way. It sounds as though he's sensitive to your feelings about it as well. Having said that, it might be a sign of a deeper cultural clash, so worth some conversations.

The men who I was talking about were financially secure, which is why they wasn't interested in "your rain soaked, closed minded, mean spirited, dismal little country" (said by one Turkish man at a party in the UK because it was assumed he'd want to come here to live). He's an avid diver, so I suppose he'd add shit ridden seas to the list. Has he spent that amount of time in the UK? Are the women still working, the men pitching in, after pregnancy? Do his family follow a religion? My friends found that things changed after they had a child.

"Have you met his family" 🙄

Have you RTFT?

I wouldn’t have a problem with that drinking at all. One or two bottles of beer - assuming they’re not enormous litre bottles and more like a corona or something - on most evenings, not going overboard or getting drunk and perfectly able and willing to have time without - I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. I think you’re coming at it differently if you feel worried about any alcohol (you said zero tolerance as you were growing up) - one small bottle of beer doesn’t by any means have inevitable drunkard consequences. Of course it might, but there’s nothing you’ve said here to indicate it does.

@Ponoka7 Thankfully, my partner doesn’t share the same views as your friend.

My thread was started to discuss normalities around drinking, not to discuss my partners family or religious views.

But you will be glad to hear the women work. They have businesses separate to their husbands.

The grandchildren / children are showered with love and are parented equally from both parents.

There are wives from many countries, which may make this family different to the Turkish people you know. This is not a Muslim family with traditional Muslim views.

Women are free to do whatever they want and are encouraged to have separate hobbies & interest.
In fact from what I’ve seen, it is women who hold the primary power positions.

Your friend may have experienced different but everyone I have met here enjoys a westernised life.

Thank you all for your comments. I feel I may be thinking too much into this but will definitely take everything said on board. I hope you all have a lovely evening. :)