To name my child what I want…

[Randomnamex]

This is a huge rant, sorry.
Welcomed DD1 a few days ago and announced her name to family.

In my family it has been a tradition for a number of years to have the babies middle name as the grandparents name.

In my personal opinion, my mothers name did not go with my DD’s first name, so we gave her a different middle name.

I can’t believe I’m even typing this, I cannot believe my own full grown mother could be so petty- But she is so offended about my choice and when I tried to explain my reasoning she brushed it off in a ‘No, I don’t care’ (she very clearly did) type of way.

WABU for “breaking the family tradition”🤦‍♀️

I can see why she is upset, you should have spoken about this before baby was born, but it’s your choice.
Would you consider giving baby 3 names ?

Congratulations!

yanbu to name the child whatever you wanted. However in hindsight I would probably have been better to discuss it with her in advance so she didn’t get a shock when the baby was born

Obviously, you can name your baby what you and the dad want. How long has this family naming tradition been going on? A couple of centuries, I can see why you might want to keep it. What about the dad and his wishes, though? A middle name doesn’t really need to go, though. They are often family names. But it’s up to you and the dad. No need for your mum to be sulky over it, though.

YANBU - but you should clearly explain to your DM that your break with tradition is nothing personal against her

Many congratulations on the birth of your baby. Sadly, I think you cocked up by not discussing this with your mother beforehand. People get so SO crazy when it comes to baby name traditions, and I've witnessed some hysterics myself. I think it's absolutely ridiculous, but your mother was clearly anticipating that her granddaughter would have her name.

I completely understand, but I'd have talked to your mum first rather than just announcing it and blindsiding her. Give her time.

Could you add it as a second middle name?
Tbf people dont usually refer to middle names after the birth announcement has gone out, so they dont necesarly need to "go" but I agree its nice if they do.
If this is a long standing tradition of several generations i can see why your mum is a bit upset tbh,especially if wasnt talked about beforehand but ultimately its yours and DHs choice. Maybe she will have other granddaughters?

So what if it doesn't go. No one (apart from your mum) will ever remember it anyway.

You probably should have broken the news that you weren’t planning to keep up the tradition before the baby was born, but you’re not unreasonable to call her what you like.

both my mum and mother in law have ugly names and I told them that I wouldn’t be using either for my dds. MIL does have a nice middle name I would have used but DN already has that middle name so couldn’t do that. No one cared and no one expected it. Mum completely understood, she doesn’t like her name and didn’t choose to name her daughters after her mother law mother in laws as she didn’t like their names either.

Your baby, your choice. Your mum is being unreasonable.

There's also nothing wrong with wanting the middle name to actually sound nice with the first name.

Your mum is completely unreasonable. It's a tradition, not a law. And part of being an adult and having your own family is deciding which traditions from yours (and your partner's if relevant) families you want to continue. She was wrong to expect the tradition would continue without discussing it with you first, especially if she was going to be so upset that it's not continued. You're absolutely fine to name your baby whatever you want.

In my family it has been a tradition for a number of years to have the babies middle name as the grandparents name.

Number of years doesn't sound like generations.

Your little family so you do what you want.

I have friends' who use family middle names. Though the names they can use can be from generations ago.

Just please whatever name you chose have the conventional/traditional spelling. Don't give your DD a lifetime of having to correct people as to how her name is spelt.

YANBU to name your child what you want.

However it would've been better if your mum (and others) had known this in advance, rather than finding out when you announced the name. So it's possible that they way in which you did this was unreasonable, even though doing it wasn't.

It’s ridiculous how many people think the grandmother should have known before hand. You didn’t owe her anything of the sort. Naming kids after family like this is so boring and sad. Let kids have their own names! There’s millions of names and getting precious about having her name as the baby’s middle name is pathetic. Your child will thank you for giving her a name you thought suited her rather than blindly giving her a middle name like Barbara or whatever your mum’s called.

Most of these 'family traditions' seem to not be particularly long standing and the people obsessing are usually the ones making it all about them.

We were told that it would be good for us to do something for our DC and pass names down. We chose not to. Neither of us has any desire to pass on silly obligations to our children.

Congratulations on your baby and enjoy giving them the names you love.