My ex has DS 5 every second weekend and half the holidays, the rest of the time DS is with me. Ex has asked that I adhere as closely as possible to some of his values while DS is in my care.
Specifically he doesn't want DS to play with any toys or watch cartoons that perpetuate negative gender stereotypes. He also wants our child to only eat organic whole foods and no processed junk. And while I don't disagree with either viewpoint at all on principle, as his main caregiver I think it's actually not that easy to implement them rigidly in day to day life.
He gives me more child maintenance than is necessary so it's not that I can't afford organic whole food and I love cooking and DS is a good eater so he gets a lot of good nutritious grub. But if granny slips DS a Curly Wurly or if we're at friends and their children are eating cheese strings I don't want to create a massive drama and block DS from enjoying the choccy or joining in with the others and eating the plastic cheese.
The gender stuff, at home I try not to watch garbage on the telly but if we're at friends and it's on I don't think it's a huge deal. And if DS wants a digger for his birthday and refuses to wear pink that's fine. For me perpetuating negative gender stereotypes is much bigger than toys or colours.
So I get where he's coming from and mostly respect his position but don't see how I can implement anything too strictly without creating drama/different issues or letting DS feel super left out. Plus I'm full time parent and I'm tired so this is a layer of admin I don't have time for (unlike lengthy MN posts).
Ex however would say DS is his child too and he gets to have some say about how he is being raised which I can't argue with at all. He is a great and loving dad and supportive co-parent, just works away right now which is why not as hands on as he would like. And because of this I have a lot more say about what happens in DS' life and ex is really only asking for these two particular things.
I should add that we are extremely sociable and see friends and relatives pretty regularly so the rubbish cartoons and processed snacks are not once in a blue moon, they are a few times a week. I bring good snacks with us but obviously when everyone else is eating processed crap DS wants it too. I could see people less frequently to remove temptation but then that seems so sad!
So AIBU to be so laid back about ex's needs given that he's overall very supportive and is only asking for these two requirements to be met?
Or YANBU it's too big an ask to police DS's diet and viewing pleasures so strictly and there has to be a bit of leeway?