To wish my dm would 'visit' from wherever she is now but also want her to be at peace

[Mummymn]

Hi I am aware this is weird and irrational but I need to vent.

My lovely mother died a year ago and it was sudden so no chance to say good bye and so many unanswered questions which will never be answered.

Its tough. I am sad alot and I don't feel like I've even started grieving for reasons I don't want to get into.

I just wish she would come visit me with signs or something. I see feathers daily and grab onto the thought it's her sending them even though I kind of think that's silly. I also don't want to have anything and want her at peace and not worrying about us.

If there is any possibly way of her watching over us I know for absolute certainty she would be and would worry about us so much and would feel guilt because of how it happened.

So many thoughts I hope it was OK to say it on here. Thank you for listening

I Understand OP. My mother died 14 years ago and my father 12 years ago. I was in my early thirties. I regularly feel like this. Sometimes I dream about them and wonder if it’s a message - id like it to be.

it’s very hard 🌸

Your Mum's messages are inside you - they are part of you. Everything you ever shared together, said to each other - all of it is now part of who you are and always will be - and will pass on to your children, as all that you are is part of what they are.

I think you need to seek her out inside you rather than looking for external signs - she is there and always accessible to you.

I know it is hard - I lost my OH 3 years ago and he is there as part of me - I know this.

took my 2 DC on holiday last week, they lost their dad last year, and it had been a difficult relationship as he was an addict and hadn't seen them for a while before he died.
Wasn't particularly thinking about him but we went to a little village park that was unfamiliar to us and I just got a really strong sense of him being there and seeing that our DC were ok and happy. Then we went into the cafe and a song he played them often came on the radio (a fairly niche song).
Yes, it's woo and yes people will pour scorn on the idea he had anything at all to do with that, but I got a small moment of comfort from it and so I'll take it.
I hope things get easier for you OP, you'll grow around your grief but it takes time.

Thank you all. It helped just saying it out loud I think. It's coming up to the 1st anniversary and just on my mind alot. Not that it's ever not in my mind but you know..

Oh op I know exactly how you feel I lost my beautiful Dad in April and it's been brutal. We are all so sad and weren't with him when he died in ITU. I too seem to find feathers - by the kettle, next to my bed. I still have my Mum and we talk about him everyday but the pain is deep and I'm not sure it'll ever go

Would it help to talk to us about her, OP?

Your memories of her, how she was as a mother?

Very sorry for your loss, it must be difficult when its so sudden

Thank you I just struggle. I don't know I just find it hard to get the words out still but it's really kind to offer to listen

I've got some numbers for grief counselling when I'm ready but i don't think I'm ready yet. The funny part being if you met me in person you would think I'm absolutely fine I'm good at hiding it

Ask her to come to you in your dreams OP xx

I completely get that.

I lost my mum nearly 3 years ago. The first year I used to wish I could see her again, I'd hope for a sign. I feel like these visions people have are just some kind of hallucination, but I desperately wanted to hallucinate. I didn't care if it would be real or not, I just wanted to see her, feel her, have a sign from her.

I never got my vision or my sign :( but I really really can relate OP. Can't believe it's been nearly 3 yrs actually. It's still v raw.

Hope u ok 💐💐

I completely understand. It's been nearly 16 years since I lost my Dad. Whenever I see a robin, I always think it's my Dad visiting me. It gives me peace anyway.