A husband and wife want to go back to the mother land to visit friends and family - first time in over a decade! (visit is for one month!) Husband earns twice as much as wife and has more disposable income left over after the bills are paid.
Wife books the and pays for all the flights a huge amount leaving her with nothing for a few months. Husband agrees in the interest of fairness, he will provide the spending money (more to that later). In fact in one instance she asks for some of the surplus in the account back so she can meet her financial obligations, Husband says no the money is needed in the joint account. Wife believed him and left it there and struggled on to meet the payments.
Wife later finds out that the husband has been transferring money out of the joint account to his personal account. Wife stated that it was stealing, but the husband says it wasn't - it was his money anyway! Wife also pays into the joint account. First AIBU - is this stealing when both parties pay into joint account?
Husband then keeps changing his story about how much he has saved figures stated ranging from a few thousand to a few hundred. He had 25 weeks ( 5 months) to save this money.
2 weeks before the trip, wife then says we will use the money he saved for cash for spending money, husband then admits he only has a couple of hundred for spending money. Husband can't see why the wife is upset as he believes they can use the credit card. Credit card usage was not discussed as an option, agreement was husband save the spending money.
Husband says he will use the credit card, but when asked what the budget was couldn't answer. In fact had no idea how much money was needed or what the availability was on the credit card.
Wife rescues him again and talks him through day by day the events and provides a rough idea of how much is needed. This does not include shopping trips, day trips etc. - just food and drink money. Wife disappointed that a small trip husband promised can no longer go ahead, due to no money.
Wife agrees to reduce the mortgage payment for 2 months (July/August) resulting in a small amount of spending money available. This alone will cost thousands in interest over the term of the mortgage, and has put a delay in clearing the mortgage. Wife very upset and distressed about this. Husband said he hadn't factored in the long term implications of not paying the increased amount for two months.
Husband then says he is going to get a loan, again putting the family in financial debt.
Wife eventually agrees, though is still very upset and distressed and frustrated that she finds herself in this situation again. There is too many examples of this including hidden credit cards which were only found out when buying a house!
Husband then asks the wife if he can secure the loan against her car.
Wife said no - AIBU?