To leave with baby if DH doesn't side with me?

[ataco79]

SS is 17 in Sept. We've always had a good relationship, his behaviour could be challenging at times but DH would always deal with it. A few weeks before I gave birth, he had an argument with his mums partner and she told him to come here for a few days to calm down however he's refused to go back and has been here since. Baby is now 8 weeks old.

His attitude got worse around the start of his GCSEs but I think DH let him get away with it as he hadn't been living here long and I was about to give birth so he didn't want any arguments with him. It was the same after I gave birth. Since he left school in June he has been awful, staying up until the early hours shouting and swearing whilst playing on his Xbox, DH did go into him once and told him to go to bed and he refused and since then he's not tried again. He's experimented with drugs, smashed his phone up to which he put both down to being bored. He's now started inviting people over without permission, DH has asked him to ask and he's refused and said he's “basically an adult” and can do what he wants.

He eats all his meals in his room and I don't get a thank you from him. Last night, DH got a message from his ex girlfriends mum and she was furious and told him that SS had hit her DD whilst they were together. DH spoke to him about it and he refused and started shouting and throwing things because DH didn't believe him. He's not spoken to either of us all day but he hasn't long come back from being out and he's drunk. DH is working and I'm at my wits end as I'm dealing with him and trying to make sure he doesn't wake up DS.

WIBU to leave with baby if DH doesn't do something?

Dangerous to his ex-girlfriend,.dangerous to your baby. You've been warned.

Yes leave. The SS is violent and out of control. Your baby is your priority.

Sounds fucking awful. Where would you go? I don’t think an ultimatum will help as your husband has shown himself to be completely spineless. Ideally they both go somewhere else and you and your baby stay where you are but depends on your housing situation.

You need to be recovering from birth and enjoying time with your new baby, not battling this bullshit.

Not a surprise his step dad was arguing with him. Shame both his parents are useless.

Yes, you need to tell your DH to sort it out or you need to put yourself and your baby first and leave. You can't live like this.

Tell him he needs to come home from work and sort his son out. You shouldn't be on your own with him.

As others have advised leave tonight if you can. If you can’t leave tonight and he kicks off then call the police, your first priority is your 8 week old. If you choose to stay tonight and feel safe doing so first thing tomorrow you need to tell your DH to take his son and go or SS needs to go back to his parents. He’s DH’s issue not yours.

Can you tell DH you can't live like this & you're going to stay with your mum for a couple of days and want SS gone back to his mums by the time you get back or attitude adjustment?

I agree with @Chiccaletta. Tell your DH you are removing yourself from the situation while he sorts it out. It doesn't need to be dramatic - but your DH clearly needs to be able to focus all of his energy on his son, and you need to make sure the baby isn't in a risky situation.

These behaviour problems are as much your husband’s problem as they are his ex wife’s. He can’t just send the kid back to his mum’s and leave her to deal with it. He is also the parent here and he needs to help sort his son out.

I would take the baby and leave until the situation is better, don’t split with your husband obviously but stay somewhere else, see each other, have him over to spend time with baby etc but give him some time to work with his son and his son’s mother on this behaviour. If nothing works, then you approach the point where kicking him out might be the only option as you do need to be able to come home with the baby.

I agree with @Chiccaletta & @SarahAndQuack Keep it calm and factual. You can’t stay there any longer so you will give them a few days to themselves to sort something out (an attitude change or a new place of residence for SS). Once you’re out I’d be really clear on what you want from SS if he is to remain in the house if you see that as an option. Write a list and make sure everyone knows the ground rules. What is SS doing? Surely he’d get a job for the hols at least? I assume he’ll be back at school on sept but a summer job might keep him from getting so ‘bored’ as he claims to be

Oops this is an old one