Doesn’t stop talking about him..

[truthhurts23]

6 yrs ago my ex partner cheated on me and got the girl pregnant at the same time as me, so both our children are the same age
nobody knew about this other kid until my dd was around 4 years old

i got with him very young and it was a toxic relationship
I’ve never wanted him back, I do not respect or like the guy but we try to get along for our daughters sake
we are in an Ok place now, I only talk to him when necessary

he doesn’t see my dd6 a lot because of his work apparently,
but he will see her approximately once a week when he can , sometimes he won’t see her all month..

he lives near the other woman so I suspect he sees her kid more than mine
and I’m starting to get annoyed by that fact

every-time my ex talks to my dd he’s always bringing up the other kid,
if he’s talking to her about taking her out somewhere , he will just bring up the other kid randomly and say I’m going to take you and billy to the park etc

even if I am talking to him about dd, he will find some way to drop his other kid into the conversation ,
i will say when are you taking dd? And he will say something like “ I want to take her and her brother xyz”
or if I say to him that he needs to spend more time with dd, he will say something like “I need to spend time with all my kids , and I want to take her and billy somewhere”

when he does take dd out, which isn’t a lot, he always brings his other kid too
and it’s really annoying,
he doesn’t spend more time alone with my dd
especially when the other boy gets a lot of one on one time with my ex and my dd doesn’t, why does she always need to share his time?
for the first part of her life she didn’t even know she had a secret brother

i have brought it up to him and I told him that when I’m talking about dd, please don’t start talking about your other kid because that’s none of my business , my only concern is dd
and I’ve also said to him that my dd needs to see him alone too , since she barely sees him

He would NEVER do this in reverse either , he likes to keep me and his other kids mums separate , he will happily spend time with his other kid and will not mention my daughter at all,
if he’s talking on the phone to the other kids mum he would never bring up my dds name in the conversation
So don’t get why I have to hear him blabbing about his other kid when I do not entertain that conversation

I’ve resorted to just cutting the conversations short when he starts talking about the other kid,
i try to be polite about it but I make sure he knows that there’s a boundary and i don’t want to talk about the child that you kept secret from me and cheated on me with his mum, she knew about me..
they were both getting off on the fact that I was at home not knowing what they were doing and they used to talk about me
so I just have no patience when it comes to that issue
he also gave me an std when I was pregnant, and he was abusive to me

does anyone recognise this behaviour, do you think he keeps talking about the other kid to rub it in my face or something ?
how would you handle this ?

And just to add , I do think the kids should spend time together,
my main problem is that my dd doesn’t see her dad regularly,
so the only time that he finally comes to see her , the other kid is always there too
its not fair on dd, when the other kid spends time with my ex when she’s not there
whenever there’s big events like dds birthday, or going to fun places like a holiday or theme park I always ask the other kid to be invited
i just don’t think that every time dd wants her dad to take her someone mundane like the park or swimming, that the other kids just HAS to tag along imo

Is xyz and billy the same person or does he have other kids. I got confused.

I think it comes across in your post how much you were hurt by what he did which was understandable and I think that probably makes you more sensitive to hearing about his other son all the time. I do agree that he should see your DD by himself too and not just with her brother if her brother also gets one on one time but largely this is out of your control.
You can’t make him do anything; all you can do is support your DD and try to let it wash over you when he talks about his son. I realise that’s really hard but I think it’s the only way you’ll find peace with it.

“ I want to take her and her brother xyz”
sorry it was meant to say .. her and her brothe TO xyz place
he has older kids but, im only talking about his youngest son

I really do try to ignore it , it just annoys me so much
i do have alot of anger towards him because some things he did effected me permanently ,
he acts like such a disney dad too, i think he feels guilty for keeping the boy a secret and now hes including him in every single thing,
it also works in his favor because he takes both of them out for one day (a few hours) and then he has the rest of the weekend to himself , and thats his parenting done for the week (or month)
hes a selfish person

She will probably care more about her brother than her dad

How does your daughter feel about it? Does she enjoy time spent with her half-brother? Or does she feel she wants her Dad to herself sometimes?

She has SEN so it is very hard to gauge how she really feels about it all,
I do know the first day that my ex introduced her to her brother, she was quiet for the whole day and had an emotional outburst..

she is a very loving child, even if someone doesn’t want to be her friend she will still try to hug them and play with them
And she seems to like the idea of having a brother, sometimes she says things like “I want to go to the beach with billy and daddy”
but she could just be saying that because that’s how her dad talks
if her dad is constantly mentioning billy and including him on every outing, she will pick up on that

from what I’ve seen I don’t think the little boy really likes my dd, he is wary around her because of her ASD traits, and he gets jealous when my ex hugs her or carries her around , even when she calls him dad , he starts sulking
typical 6 yr old emotions

she does get upset when she doesn’t see her dad for awhile but she doesn’t express it , she stopped asking where her dad when she was 4

without sounding mean , they aren’t really siblings , he’s her half brother by blood , they don’t really have a bond , only met fairly recently, didn’t grow up together , they are just two kids that have the same dad
and because of dd SEN, I doubt it would really effect her that much if she didn’t see her half brother ever again