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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Called the police on hostile neighbours who are involved in crime and now I'm scared

46 replies

Andonitgoesagain · 23/07/2023 19:13

This isn't the first time I've spoken about this on MN but will hopefully be the last.

V long as full context needed for those not familiar.

New flat, lived here 3 months now, had problems with neighbours from literally day 1. They are completely intolerant of my children, any slight bang like a toy being dropped or any noise fro autistic DS and they're up at the door. They've been aggressive and confrontational.

Dispite all of that they blast music until the early hours of the morning. They have frequent loud two way domestics. They stink the place out with cannabis from morning to night.. some of you will remember me. No antisocial behaviour on my end, ever, just daily living noise, them on the other hand.. awful.

Anyhow. I made a log with the police around 6 weeks ago as the woman of the pair was coming to my door with an unknown person and behaving aggressively because DS jumped on his bean bag when getting ready for bed at 7 something.

The police wanted to come round and go to their flat after to question them about it but I panicked and decided not to pursue it as I thought it would make things worse. We agreed to keep logging until there was further grounds for action.

I bought a massive rug, soundproofing floor tile things, swapped my curtains for thicker ones, added fluffy throws to the sofa at the height of summer removed even more of my children's toys, removed the bean bag, made jumping a punishable offence indoors, basically I went above and beyond to make sure I was doing all I could to minimise noise. It didn't stop them continuing to complain..

Then yesterday, at 4.30pm my 4yo was playing with my young toddler, crawling after him on the floor. The man comes up pissed off because he can hear "banging all day long" (we'd not long got home so idk what he's talking about there)

I apologise, as usual, and explain they're playing but I'll ask them to stop. Remind him i've already bought rugs and sound proofing tiles. I'm half way to being able to afford a carpet. I've removed all noisy toys etc etc. Yes sir no sir three bags full sir.

After months of bowing down to these people I took a snippet of advice I got from MN and said "look, they are children playing in their own home. I can hear my upstairs neighbours daily too. Its all part of communal living and you're making me feel incredibly uncomfortable here. I said i would always try to keep them quiet and i have - but this is getting ridiculous"

Well that was it, he was off.

He was stood there over 10 minutes talking about how he's from "the streets" and doesn't have to be "friendly" with me, i should be glad that he is as he could simply kiss his teeth when he sees me instead. Friendly, aye. He drops into conversation that he's always "on road doing his ting" which I'm pretty sure means selling drugs. I told him not to tell me about his business as I don't want to know about things like that.

He then switches his tone back to "friendly" and talks about having lost two good friends to stabbings in the past year and how he himself had to chase somebody with a knife over some perceived disrespect (knocking on his door late at night)

He didn't threaten me per se but was obviously saying all of that to build a picture of himself that is intimidating, so a subliminal threat if you will.

To get rid of him I told him to just take my number and just text whenever there's a problem and ill deal with it that way as I don't want a scene at the door. I'm very unwell at the moment and cannot cope with this. He was happy enough with that and left after taking my number, suggesting we should all have a drink some time. Mental.

For the rest of the afternoon I was a nervous wreck. All the kids toys were locked in the cupboard and I was policing their every move. I couldn't sleep for worrying during the night and was just as much of a nervous wreck this morning.

He'd pretty much confirmed what I suspected he was about and the kind of people they are. He's involved with gangs isn't he? The girlfriend was supposedly training to be a health care professional but I don't think that's true now.

After two good friends, one being somebody who works with the police, told me to report it I did exactly that and put in a report online.

A lovely police officer called me shortly after and says it has gone beyond a simple neighbourly dispute now and they were satisfied that it constitutes harassment. He has read the history and thinks they are absolutely bat shit. They want me to go to the police station tomorrow. They wanted to come here today but I asked them not to as I didn't want the neighbours to see them coming here.

I'm shitting myself now. I know it's the right thing to do but what if the neighbours don't give a toss about the police? I mean clearly they don't. They wouldn't do what they do if they were.

What if It makes things worse? Part of me is worried they'll just pay somebody to do something for them.

And the awkwardness of having to pass them in the building, in the street. It's going to be horrible.

They are supposedly moving next year but how do we continue living in the same block until then? I can't move, at all.

Its going to seem like such a hostile act in the neighbours opinion as our last interaction ended relatively civilly.. but history has shown me that never lasts a week.

Would you have done the same thing as me or have I made things worse, honestly?

Anybody from my previous thread do feel free to link that below, I don't know how to do it. Thank you. It was titled "potential neighbours from hell" or something along them lines.

OP posts:
Andonitgoesagain · 23/07/2023 23:07

I heard that they'd moved to the south coast,near the sea. As Basil Fawlty said,'preferably in it'.

This made me laugh, I needed that. Thank you 😁

OP posts:
Beezknees · 23/07/2023 23:11

Highly doubt they're involved with gangs, or if they are they would be very low level! High up gang members don't sell drugs on the street, that's what the lackeys do. Just sounds like a gobshite to me.

MonumentalLentil · 23/07/2023 23:27

'On the road, doing his ting' yep, delivery driver for a supermarket.

Andonitgoesagain · 23/07/2023 23:28

I'm in an area of the south east where there is alot of gang activity and all of the crime associated with that so it's an easy and relatively believable thing to come up with if you're that way inclined.

His comings and goings are definitely suspect though. All day long he's nipping back and forth. My (clear / see through) living room balcony overlooks the car park and he must come and go a good 10 times a day.

OP posts:
Andonitgoesagain · 23/07/2023 23:31

MonumentalLentil · 23/07/2023 23:27

'On the road, doing his ting' yep, delivery driver for a supermarket.

It sounds so funny coming from a normal person, doing his ting indeed 🙈

OP posts:
MonumentalLentil · 23/07/2023 23:37

Andonitgoesagain · 23/07/2023 23:31

It sounds so funny coming from a normal person, doing his ting indeed 🙈

That seems odd to me, I never get called 'normal' 😂

Jellifulfruit · 24/07/2023 00:05

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. And your poor kids who just want to live their life and play. ❤️

IHateLegDay · 24/07/2023 00:17

Sending you a handhold!

I hope the shits get kicked out of their flat and you and your kids can live in peace!

Findyourneutralspace · 24/07/2023 00:18

So sorry to hear this is happening. He may or may not be involved in gangs and drug dealing but the idea is scary for you. If he comes again, just don’t answer the door. You don’t owe him anything by way of explanation or apology.
I hope the police can help you.

oi0Y0io · 24/07/2023 00:27

he makes himself out to be some sort of well seasoned adventurer, in reality he's surely just darting around & loitering, pond life! No one 'well connected' would be doing menial things like that- or so I'm inclined to think🤷🏻‍♀

Zippeedidodah · 24/07/2023 00:28

Life will catch up with him one day, for those type of people it never usually ends well. He can't live like a civilised person, so shouldn't be allowed to live near other people. And so what if your kids make noise, they are kids they make noise. He's an idiot, in scotland if someone said to us what he said to you we'd burst out laughing and say, right you are whalloper. Big man threatening a mum with babies. He will act the big man with the wrong person only once.
The only suggestion is you move, for your kids sake, your aniexty is rubbing off on them

janeyredlion · 24/07/2023 00:34

OP you have done the right thing involving the police. I know it's scary but I work in criminal justice and if it goes to court and they are charged with harassment and found/ plead guilty the CPS may request a restraining order, which will prevent them Knocking on your door. I normally advise not to escalate if possible but it's gone beyond that from the sounds of it. You have done all the right things.

Annaishere · 24/07/2023 04:16

I would absolutely do the same thing as you. I have the same problems with my downstairs neighbours. I’ve a teenage son and hardly ever visitors so we’re just making normal house noises. I’ve been asked to walk more quietly, shouted at for slamming a door. Etc. While they smoke weed that comes up constantly. They made continuous complaints but in the end have nothing to stand on as it’s normal levels of noise. I told them not to come back to my door after aggression and they haven’t but still bang on the ceiling and shout. It is harassment well done for standing up to them. Maybe they’ll get antisocial behaviour orders and be evicted.

Andonitgoesagain · 24/07/2023 08:44

Thank you all, you've reinforced my determination to go ahead today and make the statement.

Usually the fear of something going wrong is worse than the reality isn't it?

Hopefully the police will explain to them exactly what is wrong with what they're doing as if you asked them I'm certain they'd tell you they're doing nothing wrong. Very strange people indeed.

OP posts:
Anothernamethesamegame · 24/07/2023 12:52

Be brave op. I’m certain you are right that the fear is worse than reality will be. I guess ignoring it and trying you best to placate then hasn’t worked so I don’t think you’ll make it any worse than I would have been anyway.

Fingers crossed things get resolved one way or another.

FatArse123 · 24/07/2023 13:02

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. I had similar several years ago, and it made life absolutely miserable. At the time my mum said that although the situation was hellish, one day it would suddenly end. And it did! People like your neighbours can't hold anything down, I'll bet they screw their tenancy up somehow, and go off somewhere else and bugger things up elsewhere.

I lived in SE London during my 'neighbours from hell' phase, and my local council had an antisocial behaviour team who were very helpful. Might be worth a try? It's worth remembering that knocking on your door any time you make the smallest noise is actually antisocial.

Best of luck with things, I would echo what others said about this man being a gobshite. It's horrible though, I know.

oi0Y0io · 24/07/2023 13:10

Very true☝️if
he was doing well at whatever his 'ting' (🤣) is he wouldn't be scurrying around making multiple deals every day and he wouldn't feel the need to try and intimidate a mother with tiny children in order to big himself up ... his behavior tells you how wretched he really is inside.
Things are likely to implode soon👀

HighDecibelsAndCannabisSmells · 02/12/2023 23:38

Do you know where they moved to by any chance? Were they council house tenants? We are being driven to breakdown by our neighbours

curaçao · 02/12/2023 23:56

Well he is irritated by your kids noise on uncarpeted floors above him, and you are irritated by his loud music and weed.
By your own admisssion he hasn't threatened you. You have thrown fuel on teh flames ! And btw i dont really see what teh police can do, It is more a council ' nuisance issue' than a criminal offence

Changednayme · 03/12/2023 00:12

Well the best thing is to move

GammonAndEggs · 03/12/2023 00:13

did things get resolved, @Andonitgoesagain ?

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