To refuse to look after a family members children as well as my own in the school holidays

[TTOformykidsonly]

Myself and a family member (not a sibling) currently have an arrangement that we have each others DC for one day a week during the hols.

I am changing my work hours to term time only. AIBU to not provide the childcare for my family members DC’s during the hols?

My thoughts are I’m taking a pay cut to spend more time with my own DC’s not to look after other children/provide free childcare.

My DC are in school during term time

Are you being unreasonable not to do something that you don't enjoy doing, given plenty of notice to the other party that the current arrangement will be ending? No. Is someone in your real life telling you that you are being unreasonable?

I just feel a bit guilty because the family member will have to make other arrangements.

I think if I had a garden space it would make all the difference tbh. My family members house is larger than mine and has garden space so potentially easier situation.

You feel guilty because a parent will have three months to make arrangements for (what will initially be one day of) childcare for their own children? You're being unreasonable, but not in the way that you suggest 😁

It's fine to end the arrangement, it doesn't work for you (or your children). Your relative's childcare arrangements aren't your responsibility. You're not being mean by not continuing something that brings you very little benefit for lots of extra effort.

If you could spend the day at the relative's house with their garden, would that make it more do-able if your relative is not able to find an alternative in time for your change of hours?

Can the 7 year old not go on a booster cushion in the middle then one of the bigger car seats in the front?

I think as it’s only one day a week I’d probably stick to it. I’d probably keep allowing your children to go to theirs too. You could use that day for time to yourself and to catch up on cleaning, run errands etc without having the kids with you. From people I know IRL and some threads on here, working term time has its cons such as having so much continuous time off with the kids and needing to occupy them constantly. Even if yours just went to their house for a few hours in the day and you still had theirs for the full day.

Why do you not want to continue the one arrangement?

I thought you meant they were going to ask you to watch them everyday.

well no issues then. I know you feel bad it there’s no point giving yourself a hard time over guilt. 3 months is plenty to look in to alternatives.

I would probably be ok with keeping the arrangement because I would enjoy the child free day myself with no work in place. I would be a bit concerned though in case the other parent started to think that as you no longer need the child care for work it would be ok for her to drop her part of the child care arrangement. Of course if it no longer works for you and you wouldn't want the child free day for yourself it's perfectly reasonable to change the arrangement when you've given suitable notice.

I'd be keen to continue providing I still got a day off!

But also fine to end the arrangement

Well I did also consider that she might think it’s ok not to hold her end of the deal up or ask me to have her DC for more days as I know she usually asks other family members in an ad hoc basis to cover other days and doesn’t have any paid child care in place.

Giving notice now for October is fine.

But it is quite nice for kids from a family to spend time together, and you could take them for a day and swap it for evening babysitting so that you get a night out?

Reciprocal childcare favours always come in handy.

You're definitely not unreasonable not to want to look after a couple of toddlers a day a week!!

YANBU :)

The only one to be aware of is inset days.
I have to work these, but the kids are off school - and they usually don't line up either. Would your family member cover those days for you I'd you did SOME of the holidays?

It's ok you've given a lot of notice and I think not being able to go anywhere is a good reason. You want to be able to go on holiday too. You can always be an occasional back up but not the main childcare they have plenty of time to find someone else

That’s absolutely what will happen.

It will be one day, then two, then three etc.

Make the break now, tell her you won’t be able to continue after mid-Sep.

I have booked the inset days off as AL we can book AL up to one year in advance so I have that covered ☺️