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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you report to Children's services?

15 replies

Mammalifewithtwo · 23/07/2023 11:48

My Daughters friend shared some information with us about her Dad. She no longer sees her Dad and was telling us why she made that decision, she is 15.

She said her Dad was a very horrible man and who was often nasty to her and would always be shouting and swearing at her. Would often tell her and her step sister to F Off if they went into the same room as him. He would always call them nasty things such as idiots, stupid cows etc and would often tell his daughter she was a stuck up little madam like her mother and that he couldn't stand her, hated who she was turning in to.

She said he would often break things in temper, would slam doors and break them.
Also mentioned on one occasion because she didn't move off a bed instantly when asked, he aggressively dragged her off the bed and pushed her on to the ground. This hurting her arm.
From what she said he spent most of the time she was there, sleeping, getting drunk, smoking around her and swearing/shouting at everyone in the house.

She speaks fondly of her step mum and said he was also nasty to her step mum and she felt her step mum was a bit scared of him.

As I say, she no longer sees her Dad, but he has children living with him which is my concern. She did say he acted the same with her step sister, at times worse. Step sister and his young son to my knowledge still live in the same home as him.

Would you report this? Or is it not my place to do so, Should it just be left as the child complaining about him no longer sees him anyway?

OP posts:
trevthecat · 23/07/2023 11:52

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility. You need to report.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 23/07/2023 11:54

Do you have enough details to report? If so, then I would. You can do so anonymously.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 23/07/2023 11:54

Leave HER completely out of your report though.

Mammalifewithtwo · 23/07/2023 11:59

I know his name and where he lives, so I have enough information on him but how would I go about reporting my concerns but keeping her out of it?

OP posts:
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 23/07/2023 12:02

I’d just say that you have concerns about his partner and children. I wouldn’t give your source. My first port of call has been the school, in the past.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 23/07/2023 13:14

If you report leave the girl out of it . Although if its stuff only she could know he might guess she is involved anyway.
Be careful.

Mammalifewithtwo · 23/07/2023 14:07

That's my worry, that any of it can come back on the girl herself as I wouldn't want any trouble for her. Also can't help be concerned for the 2 children living with the man.

OP posts:
calmcoco · 23/07/2023 14:11

You can make an anonymous report via NSPCC, you can say you've been told xyz.

A secondhand report about what happened in the past does not mean agencies will consider that a current risk.

neverbeenskiing · 23/07/2023 14:20

You can call your local children's services multi-agency safeguarding hub and report your concerns. You don't have to give your name. But they will ask where the information came from. If you explain that it was a direct disclosure from the child herself then that is much more credible and actionable than saying "someone told me", which sounds very much like gossip.

Mammalifewithtwo · 23/07/2023 15:17

I understand it may not appear a present risk to agencies, It may be that the children living with him now aren't at risk at all and are perfectly fine.
Does anyone know if I were to report it and the agencies decide it's not a present risk without any investigation needed, would they still inform the man he'd been reported or is nothing said in that situation?

OP posts:
AlfietheSchnauzer · 23/07/2023 15:52

Mammalifewithtwo · 23/07/2023 15:17

I understand it may not appear a present risk to agencies, It may be that the children living with him now aren't at risk at all and are perfectly fine.
Does anyone know if I were to report it and the agencies decide it's not a present risk without any investigation needed, would they still inform the man he'd been reported or is nothing said in that situation?

Yes they will inform him via letter, they have to. I was informed via letter that I'd been reported (for being an 'overweight & disabled mother!') but that after their own enquiries, they weren't taking any action. I was very, very upset and called to ask why on earth they needed to even tell me as it's had upset me a lot, to which they said they absolutely had to by law. It was apparently my right to know Confused

Personally I would've preferred not to know that someone believed my being disabled & overweight meant that I couldn't possibly be a competent mother! Apparently there's no option for me to opt out...

Mammalifewithtwo · 23/07/2023 16:01

@AlfietheSchnauzer wow that's awful that you were reported for those reasons, I can definitely understand why it hurt you.
I am pleased they themselves didn't see those reasons as a concern. How awful for you.

OP posts:
Hairyfairy01 · 23/07/2023 16:11

Speak with the adult helpline for the NSPCC, they can advise you.

Mammalifewithtwo · 23/07/2023 17:02

Thank you I think I will try speaking with NSPCC for some advice Smile

OP posts:
Emrie · 13/11/2023 16:57

Child protection and safety is everyone’s responsibility

you can report anonymously
I wish someone had done that for me

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