To want to leave my NHS job over this

[piscis]

Posting here as I need to hear as many opinions as possible. My anxiety is through the roof and I am not thinking straight...
I've been in this non clinical job for over two years (in the NHS for longer), absolutely understaffed, the amount of work is ridiculous (there are some good moments when it is bearable but they don't last!). I've given so much considering I am not in a high position.

Last week was really bad for me: two main things happened and everything changed, I am so annoyed! It was mentioned in a meeting that we would be recruiting several people more to join the team (about time!) with bandings over mine, but one immediately over mine and that I could give support to these new people. I was so annoyed that they wouldn't pretend that I had a chance to apply for this new position which will be a band over what I am at the moment.... For me saying that I will give support to these new people clearly suggested that in their minds it is very clear that I am not even considered for this. I know they owe me nothing and they may well think I am not the right person for it, but just to pretend would have been nice considering the amount of work I have been doing!

Another thing is that I made a mistake last week in one of the tasks I normally do. My manager spotted this and told me, I understood the problem, said sorry, lesson learnt...the day after he tells me (on teams) only to do one thing with this task which is really basic and leave the rest for him. No conversation about this or explained me what I should have done different....my confidence is on the floor. Not sure how he thinks this is going to work when he is on leave tbh as I have to do it! Just to note that I do this task often and it is the first issue I've had, but it is a task that is very different each time, so impossible to explain every scenario if that makes sense (sorry I don't want to give many details) but would definitely expect another more constructive reaction from a manager. He is very very perfectionist and has very high standards, but I don't think this is a manager with leadership skills, to take things away from a subordinate because I've made a mistake?

Since these two events, I am not feeling valued or trusted.

Since then, the atmosphere has changed completely. I am not happy and he can see it, he has also been quite passive aggressive with me in some.of his emails, which is literally making me sick. I only came.off sertraline three months ago and I really don't want to have medication but I just can't cope with the toxicity at work in the last few days.These things affect me too much.

I feel trapped. I don't want to leave the NHS as I will be doing my 10 years soon and I am so scared I'll regret it but I cannot work like this, I find the passive aggressiveness awful.

Thoughts and advice appreciated.

I voted YABU because everything you wrote seems like it is your manager who could be better at their job, not you. You are reading a lot into things that very likely don't mean that eg. they don't want you to apply for the next role.

I would wait for the job adverts for the new roles to come out and then decide if you would be a good fit, and apply. Put a new post here on how to apply for NHS jobs if you want advice at that point. In the meantime, maybe do some extra time on whatever helps your anxiety usually - mindfulness, exercise, outdoor walks maybe.

The NHS is huge. I'd look internally and switch teams to one you think you'd more. I've just done that and switched to a team that's a bit more flexible as I wanted a better work life balance. I gave a couple of other teams a hand with some work to see if I wanted to join them, then jumped ship to my favourite when the chance came up.

Means I'll keep my service length intact and get a bit closer to my goal. Now I've got that I'll look at going up a band next. It's a great organisation because there's so many opportunities. But you're right, we're all doing the jobs of about 3 people, that won't change!

YABU and really oversensitive.

I was treated horribly by a manager when I was in a clerical role after doing the job for 5 years. I ended up applying for my job but in a different department. And was there for a while until things got so bad they were no longer recruiting for replacement staff and I was doing two jobs. I ended up having severe anxiety and left the NHS. Current role has no stress and more money but 10 years later I still miss working in health. As a starting point I'd apply for jobs in a different dept and see if that works for you

I'd look at other jobs but give it a month or so to see if things settle down. This might be a knee jerk reaction to the mistake you made which can knock your confidence.

I left the NHS and it was the best thing I ever did. If you feel your workload is unmanageable and you are undervalued in any job then there's no reason not to look for other options.

It's not great to make an error that appear to be quite important if they now feel that have to do most of it just before there is an opportunity to apply for a promotion. It's bad luck.

In terms of explaining what went wrong, depending on your banding, it might very well be expected that you should be taking the initiative to find out what was wrong and initiate the conversation with him. This is an example again, depending on your grade, that might bake them feel you're not ready for the role above yet.

Speak with your current manager and ask whether they think you could apply and if not why not.

If you are very unhappy, couldn't you apply for another NHS role, within your organisation or another?

I think you need to talk to your managers / HR about why they feel you can’t apply for the role above you.

You also need to talk to your immediate manager about why he’s had such a strong reaction to you making a mistake.

The fact you haven’t taken the initiative in these things might be part of the reason they aren’t sure you’re ready for promotion … but equally it might be that they just assume you’re happy where you are.

Women aren’t great at saying what they want - you have to say when you want promotion. And when things don’t go your way you can’t just quit - the NHS is a massive organisation so just look elsewhere if you don’t get what you want.

You need to be more assertive and grown up about dealing with problems - start by taking to your managers.

Hi OP,

I bet the fact you are doing the work of several people contributed to the error you made.

I’d ask to have a conversation with the manager. I’d want my manager to know that it’s unfair for my performance to be judged when the department is so short staffed and I am doing so much extra work. I’d really try to keep my voice calm and steady. I would make sure I didn’t accuse the manager of anything but I would tell him how it made me feel when I’m working so hard to hear it announced that other jobs are being advertised in a way that made me feel excluded from applying.

Then I would apply for the job, even if it is just to get interview experience which could help you get a job in a different department.

Thing is with the NHS, you can put your heart and soul into the job, work extra unpaid hours but there is no thanks. You’re just made to feel shit, not good enough. Been there and done that. I left for the private sector and took a role paying £11k more. Sounds like you’re worth more too. Get out whilst you can

Thank you for your opinions, they are really helpful.

I am oversensitive with everything (not just work), that's something I won't deny. I've got big issues with anxiety, I stopped my medication a few months ago and started therapy, which I am still doing, I referred myself to occupational health last week too so I'll have some extra therapy through them. This has knocked my confidence down, I feel I've taken a lot of steps back. However, I am over 40 and I've never had a problem like this at work, so I don't think I am a dramatic person at work. I agree the majority of people wouldn't let this affect them so much as me.

I think my manager and me are not really compatible...he is very much OCD, cannot let go, he used to do the things that I now sometimes do...I know my manager's manager think he should let go and let me do more. I feel like I need to check absolutely anything with him (apart from my main very routine tasks), so being proactive with him is difficult. I am having my one to one next week anyway and I'll talk to him. Having opinions from you really helps.

What really hurts is his passive aggressiveness, specially hurts when he knows that I've got anxiety issues and I am attending therapy for it.

You need to accept yourself making mistakes.

Sounds like you're saying your manager has their own huge pressure & MH issues stopping them from always being brilliant at their job, too. It's great that you can find compassion for them, if you can show that to them then they may be able to tap into finding compassion for you, too.

Being micro-managed sucks. If you can't have an honest convo with your manager (which sounds like would do you both a world of good, teach you both how to do it) then Either you shrug & keep an eye out for better job or you grit teeth & keep an eye out for a better job.

You’re being unreasonable and reading too much into it, it would be highly unprofessional of them to suggest that one of the jobs would be a show in for you. You should definitely apply though if you like the sound of the role. One of the many reasons men get more promotions is because they don’t allow hurt feelings to hold them back.

I posted here to mainly vent a bit, but this has helped me so much...I already feel better, so thank you!

My manager has a whole lot of work too, way more than me, yes. He is in a high position and I know he works way over his hours and sometimes weekends

@Hollyhead I hadn't seen it from that perspective, so thanks!

@Pssspsss this is from last July.

Thanks! Tired brain. I thought I clicked on a trending thread and it must have been a similar thread. I’ll get it removed 😂

It’s too easy to do at the moment.
😁

Just leave but not before you have something else linned up
Sadly, what you have posted goes on in many places, public and private sector.

Some people just know how to make people feel small and the "passive aggressive" are the worst IMO

You have an work buddie/s you can trust 100% - that often lessens the burden, sharing/caring, bouncing ideas and support/gudiance etc.

I had 2 I could trust 100% and one that was 98% and the 98% was a manger as she had her own agenda and what I did after years of suffering - in private I'd agree with her if she belittled anyone that I had no time for and fully supported her on the quiet - but I never allwed this again my to best workmates and was very carefl to big them up

At time a move sounds daunting but it help but it can be even worse.

Mangers like people that they can trust for the right or wrong reasons - when working for someone else, you have to learn whats going on, be stronger and try to make at least one good workamte you can trust and have a lol with and or keep notes of when they tried to put you down

Easier said than doen, I'd stick it out, keep you head down and be extra nice to the new people and get them on your side - yes this should not be happening but it does judging by my own experiences, that of my OH and adult children - be stroanger and read up on "confidence" building etc as it is always helpful