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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go back to work 3 days after a MA?

21 replies

meemoo1 · 23/07/2023 07:39

Hi all,

I started a new job on the 10th and found out I was pregnant a few days after. Decided to have a termination and go the medical route to be at home but it has not been as smooth sailing as I would like - maybe my expectations were too high. I took Weds, Thurs and Friday (the weekend was my 2 off days) off due to extreme morning sickness and told my employer that I was having the abortion the same week and would be back on the Monday. She said this would be recorded as sickness rather than pregnancy related to keep it discreet from my manager and colleagues. Didn't sound happy about me taking this time off but whatever.

I took the pills on Thursday and thought the pain would ease off. However now it is Sunday and I am still cramping severely and the bleeding and pain gets worse when I exert myself such as walking for more than a few minutes or bending down a lot, I am afraid to take further time off due to being new but my shifts are 8-12 hours long (mostly sitting down but it's the commutes worrying me too) and I feel I won't cope. Can I be fired or disciplined for abortion related time off? And do I need to show a sick note as proof?

OP posts:
Babsexxx · 23/07/2023 07:43

Your employer should have noted it as pregnancy related! Ffs! For these reasons….don’t want to worry you op but sounds like a complication head straight to a + e.

Original poster
meemoo1 · 23/07/2023 07:45

Babsexxx · 23/07/2023 07:43

Your employer should have noted it as pregnancy related! Ffs! For these reasons….don’t want to worry you op but sounds like a complication head straight to a + e.

I'm not sure if it was maybe logged in their system as the true reason and it's just showing on my end as sickness but she did say it would be a sickness which was confusing. This is my first proper job so I'm really not sure about the rules around absences and I can only access the employee policies through the in-work computers :/

OP posts:
Babsexxx · 23/07/2023 07:52

It’s not right she should of put it down as pregnancy related privacy related for who exactly?! I would have to assume your in your probationary period? Pregnancy related issues they cannot discriminate against so essentially she’s just covered her own ass! She’s not done the right thing here but more importantly you could need a d&c have a infection etc So I’d be heading to a+e!

Original poster
meemoo1 · 23/07/2023 07:55

Babsexxx · 23/07/2023 07:52

It’s not right she should of put it down as pregnancy related privacy related for who exactly?! I would have to assume your in your probationary period? Pregnancy related issues they cannot discriminate against so essentially she’s just covered her own ass! She’s not done the right thing here but more importantly you could need a d&c have a infection etc So I’d be heading to a+e!

Yes I'm on probation for 3 months. She asked me to phone again today to confirm I would come in but I'm not sure what to say now. Is it really that bad? I expected there would be cramps in the days after, but it feels worse than when I had my daughter and was bouncing around painfree straight away. Will definitely have to take a visit to A&E.

OP posts:
Original poster
meemoo1 · 23/07/2023 07:56

just realised i forgot to nc my replies 🤣 oh well

OP posts:
FUPAgirl · 23/07/2023 08:01

Have you passed the products of conception? Were you not given any follow up advice? In your shoes, I would have simply said I had lost a baby and not given any further information, how dare the manager suggest this shouldn't be recorded as pregnancy related. Can you email them to put in writing that it most certainly is? As otherwise, this absence really won't look good when reviewing your probation.

Definitely seek medical advice to clarify all is normal, you must have been given information on what to do.

ZairWazAnOldLady · 23/07/2023 08:01

@meemoo1 HQ might help with the name change issue. Go to get medical help. Inform work you won’t be in and will ask your Dr when you can return.

Babsexxx · 23/07/2023 08:02

As you know op your boss isn’t allowed to discuss any medical with any other staff she’s put it as sickness to cover herself here! So that’s nonsense! Yeah go to a+e, somethings not right!

Original poster
meemoo1 · 23/07/2023 08:04

FUPAgirl · 23/07/2023 08:01

Have you passed the products of conception? Were you not given any follow up advice? In your shoes, I would have simply said I had lost a baby and not given any further information, how dare the manager suggest this shouldn't be recorded as pregnancy related. Can you email them to put in writing that it most certainly is? As otherwise, this absence really won't look good when reviewing your probation.

Definitely seek medical advice to clarify all is normal, you must have been given information on what to do.

I'm not sure. I have passed blood clots but they weren't big and I haven't seen any "tissue" so to speak. So maybe it hasn't fully worked. I read the aftercare instructions from MSI and it implies the pain should only remain for the initial abortion. I will call their line and see what's going on - I thought this was normal after effects to be honest.

OP posts:
HappyJoyousFree · 23/07/2023 08:18

I would expect some level of pain/cramping to continue similar to a bad period and it's only early days if you took the pills Thursday. The bleeding I would expect to carry on for a while but my only experience is a mmc which I think is essentially what an abortion induces? I would start with ringing the number they gave you and seeking advice. If something really doesn't feel right call 111 or go to a walk in.

As for work they should have marked it down as pregnancy related. If your not feeling well enough to go in then don't go in and if there's repercussions there will be ways to challenge this later but you need to get the sickness marked correctly.

You may feel better getting checked over and then making a decision. If these are usual symptoms maybe it can be managed with pain relief. Whatever you decide make sure you look after you both physically and emotionally and go to work when you're ready. 1 period of absence is better than going back too soon and then needing to take more time later.

Original poster
meemoo1 · 23/07/2023 08:57

Just rang work again and told them I won't be able to come in due to being in pain still and she was quite harsh 😔 She said "what's actually wrong with you?" although I had already told her the last time I called and if it were on the system she would surely not have to ask and make me repeat myself again humiliatingly? Then she said "well you need to go and get seen if it's that bad. why are you ringing today when your shift starts tomorrow? call me back then and tell me if you're not going to be able to work the shift." and put the phone down. 🙁 I'm just sat here pathetically crying a bit because she hasn't said one kind word the entire time. Feel like I'm just being sensitive but I think she's pissed off w me for taking the time off.

OP posts:
Babsexxx · 23/07/2023 10:06

This is why you absolutely should of insisted upon it being pregnancy related op….she’s trying to make you feel very uncomfortable and using spiteful tactics report her to hr!

EsmeSusanOgg · 23/07/2023 10:12

You need to email back and say: "As per our conversation I have been absent due to a medical abortion and complications from that. Could you confirm that this is accuratly logged as a pregnancy related sickness on the system?"

Cc in HR.

Pregnancy (including miscarriage and abortion) related absence, of your employer has been told that is what it is, is recorded differently to usual sickness absence. It cannot be used against you as excess sickness absence during a probation period - for example. Please protect yourself from your awful boss.

Original poster
meemoo1 · 23/07/2023 10:15

EsmeSusanOgg · 23/07/2023 10:12

You need to email back and say: "As per our conversation I have been absent due to a medical abortion and complications from that. Could you confirm that this is accuratly logged as a pregnancy related sickness on the system?"

Cc in HR.

Pregnancy (including miscarriage and abortion) related absence, of your employer has been told that is what it is, is recorded differently to usual sickness absence. It cannot be used against you as excess sickness absence during a probation period - for example. Please protect yourself from your awful boss.

I would cc in HR but I have no idea who they are or how to obtain their details. I work in a betting shop with one manager and then the area team - the area administrator was the person who logged my absence.

OP posts:
Babsexxx · 23/07/2023 10:16

THIS is 100% spot on do this and you will have a email record of the conversation and do not miss out the FACT that you had this discussion I would even insert the date you discussed initially for extra cover! The conversation we had dated “00/00/00”

GoingGoingUp · 23/07/2023 10:17

Name change fail again OP

Original poster
meemoo1 · 23/07/2023 10:18

GoingGoingUp · 23/07/2023 10:17

Name change fail again OP

at this point i don't even mind 🤣

OP posts:
GoingGoingUp · 23/07/2023 10:22

meemoo1 · 23/07/2023 10:18

at this point i don't even mind 🤣

Show quote history

Sorry, I have nothing constructive to add to your thread. Was reading it as your update came through so thought I’d quickly highlight!

Just to say I hope you feel better soon, and if this is what your manager is like just a few weeks into the job, then you might be happier working elsewhere!

EsmeSusanOgg · 23/07/2023 10:36

@meemoo1

Just do a quick Google HR [the company you work for]. As an example I tried Betfred and got this result: https://rocketreach.co/betfred-hr-department_b5c6b2a3f42e0cef Ladbrokes - https://rocketreach.co/ladbrokes-hr-department_b5c63b7df42e0c59 and William Hill - https://rocketreach.co/william-hill-hr-department_b5c637c2f42e0ca3

Do that for the company you work for. Pick a couple of obvious names from the HR section. Cc them in along with the shop and area manager.

You need a papertrail to protect yourself here.

MammaTo · 23/07/2023 11:27

I think you need to go to A&E asap - when I had a medical termination it was done on the same day and i didn’t have any lasting pain etc.
Dont worry about work they’ll just have to deal with it, but definitely go get medical help.

Finefinefine · 23/07/2023 11:32

Join the Facebook group “I don’t fear hell, I’ve worked in a betting shop” and that will tell you all you need to know. Hope you’re much better soon. They are cess pits to work in, look for something else asap xx

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