DD (24) has been with her boyfriend for 3 years. He’s her first proper relationship. At first he seemed like a nice lad and we got on well.
Within a few months it turned into a shitshow and red flags started appearing. They’ve broken up so many times. Constant arguing, her in tears telling us how horrible he is to her. Dramas on holidays abroad, nights out where’s he’s ditched her. We been constantly telling her to end it for good as relationships are supposed to make you happy!
He cheated on her earlier this year just after she’d supported him through a close family bereavement (which was a lot for her to cope with) but she still got back with him a few weeks later after lying that she hadn’t.
We were gobsmacked as she’s always said she wouldn’t stand for cheating and she’d got angry about it when it had happened to her friends.
We said it was her choice but we didn’t want anything to do with him anymore and wouldn’t have him in the house.
If boyfriend hadn’t run off by the time DH went to get her in the middle of the night (she was hysterical) after she caught him with another woman, DH would have probably ended up in prison.
We’ve talked to her over and over, paid for her to see a therapist. Vainly hoping she’d wise up and end it.
I cannot understand it as mine and DHs relationship (30 years) is nothing like this so it’s not like she’s been brought up with a relationship like this like as a model.
She has loud screaming arguments with him down the phone which you can hear all over the house and she’s constantly in a bad mood causing arguments with us and her siblings.
A week ago, she had a massive meltdown when DH had to tell her repeatedly to get off the phone as we could hear it all and we told her to leave and not come back until she’d ended it with him for good as we’re sick of it.
She was supposedly staying with her friend but she moved in with him.
Since then, we’ve been communicating and she insists she loves him, won’t end it and is moving in with him permanently so she wants us to accept him so they can come round for dinner, attend family events etc. She says she’s forgiven him so should we, he hates it that we hate him etc.
We keep telling her she’s a beautiful, intelligent woman who can do anything. She’s got good career prospects and she could do so much better.
Why stay with a cheating, weed smoking, binge drinking, sexist, emotionally abusive twat??!!
He wants kids, she wanted to travel and live abroad and I’m so worried she’s going to get trapped in a shit relationship, will have DC with him and ruin her life.
On one side accepting him will keep her close and we can pretend we are OK with him (will be really hard to do) but then we’re also colluding in her staying in a relationship like this aren’t we?
Can’t imagine arranging her wedding to him 🤮.
On the other side if we refuse and keep telling her to get rid, we’d be alienating her and potentially forcing her to stay with him as she won’t want to admit we are right!
WWYD?