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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think meeting up with a distant relative isn’t weird?

27 replies

Quina · 22/07/2023 23:09

I’m keen on my family history research. I joined a few Facebook groups, and someone asked a question on there.. turns out we’re related. We have been in touch about 4 years. We share a great great grandparents. My elderly dad also met her dad when he was young.

We are visiting the area where the distant relative lives, and she has lots of old letters and photos she’d like me to see. So she has asked me and my father over for a cup of tea.

My sister has stated that she thinks it’s really weird I’m going to this woman’s house. She thinks it’s weird I talk to her. And thinks it’s too tenuous a link to bother. Now I feel a bit silly.

OP posts:
78Summer · 22/07/2023 23:11

If you will both enjoy the conversation I would go. It’s a hour or so out of your life. Do not feel silly.

WhatHasHeDone · 22/07/2023 23:13

I’d find it fascinating to see the photos and letters and hear any tales she has about people. I think it’s lovely you’ve made a connection. It’s fine if it’s not your sisters sort of thing, but she’s being a misery guts trying to put you off.

Hannahsbananas · 22/07/2023 23:14

Of course it isn’t weird.

saraclara · 22/07/2023 23:14

That sounds really nice. Ignore your sister.
I reckon this will be especially nice for your dad, to see those photos and have the memories of those he knew such a long way back.

Have a lovely time!

YakChewCrumbs · 22/07/2023 23:15

Not weird at all but rather lovely. I hope they are nice.

bossybloss · 22/07/2023 23:15

It’s not weird and if I were you I would ask if I could copy or take a photo of any docs she has !

imbolic · 22/07/2023 23:16

I think that's lovely. I have been doing DH's and my own family trees for a couple of years now after we both took DNA tests and we have met up with a couple of very distant relatives,seen their photos and heard family tales... I wish I had taken better notes, though!

KajsaKavat · 22/07/2023 23:19

It’s not weird at all. My sister probably wouldn’t understand this either but I think it’s great

Campervangirl · 22/07/2023 23:21

Don't feel silly, it could be interesting.
I've recently met my ex bil uncle, lovely chap and his wife.
They live abroad and I was on holiday, it's a long story, I have other family that live there too.
They said it was lovely to meet more family (although we are not related, not even by marriage anymore)
Came to see us a couple of times, offered to pick us up from the airport the next time we fly over.
Ours is a very tenuous link but whatever, I've met two lovely people and we all need lovely people in our lives.

Rudderneck · 23/07/2023 00:06

Not weird.

Does your sister only interact with close family members? That is weird.

10HailMarys · 23/07/2023 00:23

It sounds like your sister is one of those annoying people who thinks that anything she personally wouldn’t do or doesn’t like is ‘weird’.

Would I go to meet someone because they were a distant relative? Probably not, because I personally would just feel a bit shy and awkward about it. But it is absolutely not a weird thing to do! It’s a perfectly normal and nice thing to do if you’re interested in family connections and family history. I bet you’ll have a really interesting chat.

RoseMartha · 23/07/2023 01:05

Go for it. I have met up with a few distant relatives and keep in touch with others also online.

BigBeeee · 23/07/2023 02:12

It wouldn't be weird to meet up with someone you had been writing to for 4 years even if you were entirely unrelated so it certainly isn't when you are related.

orangeleavesinautumn · 23/07/2023 02:18

third cousins? I don't think it is weird, if you are interested, although you most likely have hundreds of other third cousins around! Just take the normal precautions you would when meeting a stranger

greenspaces4peace · 23/07/2023 02:25

obviously you have a family tree/genealogy in common as an interest. not any different than two people with any other hobby in common who meet up.
or women that stay in touch having shared pre-natal classes together.
i think it's wonderful, enjoy the photos!

Mumtothreegirlies · 23/07/2023 02:36

What’s weird about it? You share great great grandparents that’s a fascinating and important link!
im always messaging distant relatives as I took one of those dna tests and was able to make contact.
it Will be lovely for your dad and it’s great that she has letters and photos to share.
your sister sounds like a prat

Mumtothreegirlies · 23/07/2023 02:38

10HailMarys · 23/07/2023 00:23

It sounds like your sister is one of those annoying people who thinks that anything she personally wouldn’t do or doesn’t like is ‘weird’.

Would I go to meet someone because they were a distant relative? Probably not, because I personally would just feel a bit shy and awkward about it. But it is absolutely not a weird thing to do! It’s a perfectly normal and nice thing to do if you’re interested in family connections and family history. I bet you’ll have a really interesting chat.

I’m the same. We found out our dad has 3 full biological siblings and Several cousins who all live about 10 minutes away. His cousin wanted to meet me for drinks and I still haven’t messaged her back 2 years later. I’m just so awkward and shy 🙈

Beseen22 · 23/07/2023 02:55

I think that people who have an interest in genealogy wouldn't find it weird and can see why it would be nice for you to look at old photos and discuss your family etc.

However for those who don't have an interest then it would be incredibly weird for me to go to a stranger from fb'a house and look at old photos.

My DM is very in to genealogy and spends hours researching her great great grandparents and cousins etc. I love that she has an interest and a passion for it but I find it really really dull. It's just an old picture to me, I feel no connection to these people that she shows me. I occasionally enjoy the stories of scandal but again it's like discussing a story to me, not people I have any connection to.

Fraaahnces · 23/07/2023 04:11

Would she think it was weird if you went to visit a friend with whom you share common interests? No. Just because the woman is distantly related, doesn’t mean you’re not friends.

whereismysleep · 23/07/2023 04:39

My mum's into researching the family tree, and has met a fair few distant relatives in similar circumstances

She really hit it off with one woman we met, and we, as a family, have become friends with her and her family, and they feel as much cousins, now, as our immediate first cousins do. Our kids know each other and play together and I"m so glad they do, knowing each other has enriched our lives.

The other relatives she's met, their relationships are less close and simply based on a shared interest in family history, but it something she and they enjoy.

Your sister is the one who's being weird. Fair enough if she has no interest, but it's not fair to try to put you off. Have more faith in your convictions! You're doing a lovely thing.

renthead · 23/07/2023 05:19

This isn't in the slightest bit weird. You and this woman are third cousins. I've been to multiple large family reunions with third cousins and know many personally.

starrynight21 · 23/07/2023 05:47

Of course it isn't weird. You are related - she has interesting things to show you ! You are very lucky to have found her.

My DH found a similar connection a few years ago - we eventually went to her country, to visit her. It was wonderful ! She had so many interesting photographs and documents which helped in his family research, and she was a really nice person who was very hospitable and generous. People like this don't come along every day - take advantage of it while you can.

PomTiddlyPomPom · 23/07/2023 06:15

I think your sister has phrased it badly by calling it 'weird' however I get where she is coming from!
Luckily I haven't had any distant family come knocking but I wouldn't be interested if they did.
I just don't like the idea of all of these websites and dna kits etc potentially stirring the hornets nest.
If you and this woman are happy to meet then go for it, just maybe don't bombard your sister with stories she doesn't want to hear.

knockyknees · 23/07/2023 23:41

I think it sounds brilliant, and I hope you have a great time catching up!

Shurleyknot · 24/07/2023 00:31

People who meet on the internet meet up all the time as friends, as prospective daters etc so this is even better as you have a connection and your sisters attitude is the only weird thing. Have a great time.

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