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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel so awful

8 replies

Falloffgirl · 22/07/2023 21:49

I'll be honest, pretty much first time poster and am here looking for some straight talking in one form or another.

Basically Yr8 DD has an overseas school trip coming up this time next year. It's a big deal as it's the only one they do and it'll be her first one ever due to COVID messing everything up.

She came home a couple of weeks ago buzzing about it and adamant she wanted to go to one place. Time passes, we hear nothing from school officially, then on Tuesday 18th we get an email with all the details of the options. Plus a letter telling us how to book on to a trip, that its first come first served, and once a trip is picked and deposit paid (which you have to when you pick your trip) that's it, no swaps. Booking window opens 7pm two days later on the Thursday, which is the day before school breaks up.

Long story short, she decides on a trip that her mate is going on, which is her second choice because she doesn't know if anyone she likes is going on the first trip, plus it sounds like a load of the boys are doing that trip.

Later that night she's in tears because she actually really wanted the first trip, and found out people she likes are going on it.

I feel awful because I think we (me and DH) kind of convinced her we had to book it there and then (historically there's always been stories of kids not getting on trips with their mates due to trips booking up), when if we'd waited she'd have known about her other mate and she would've picked the first choice.

It probably doesn't help that I'm pretty sure one kid who is going on her trip is one she really wanted to avoid and so far there's only 21 kids doing her trip!!

I have full on mum guilt, although she's quite happy about the trip now (but doesn't know about this kid yet).

Oh and the late nature of getting info etc meant no-one from school was available to contact about it, and I have no idea if we book her onto two trips we'll have to pay in full for both! I'd not be bothered losing a deposit but there's no-one to ask about any of this.

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 22/07/2023 21:52

I'd quietly try to get contact with organisers to swap if I could, but don't tell her, big up the experience anyway. If you discover you could switch, reveal that and ask her if she wants to... If it's a no, continue as you are. Act fast as the option will be even less likely as time goes by.

MollysBrolly · 22/07/2023 21:56

Relax she'll have a great time. When she mentions it big up the trip you booked, what a great time she lol have etc don't focus on her being upset now it's time for her to move on.

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2023 22:04

You said yourself the school said no swaps. She will have a good time, she wanted to go on the one with her mate and she is. Lesson learned, you let her choose without any discussions with you, confirm and book

Falloffgirl · 22/07/2023 22:05

PimpMyFridge · 22/07/2023 21:52

I'd quietly try to get contact with organisers to swap if I could, but don't tell her, big up the experience anyway. If you discover you could switch, reveal that and ask her if she wants to... If it's a no, continue as you are. Act fast as the option will be even less likely as time goes by.

We have no idea who the organisers are. School hasn't given us that info, and school are now non-contactable. They weren't answering the phone or replying to emails on the last day of term.

Booking window closes on Aug 31st, before the school are back in, and then it's too late to book onto a trip (if there's any spaces left).

@MollysBrolly I'm sure she will have a great time. She's accepted that once picked that's it, but doesn't want to talk about it so she can get over her FOMO thoughts! It's my mum guilt that she wanted the other trip, and her reasons keep replaying in my head, and I feel we badgered her into making a decision she regretted.

She doesn't think we did, she knows why she chose option 2, but I feel bad.

OP posts:
Falloffgirl · 22/07/2023 22:10

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2023 22:04

You said yourself the school said no swaps. She will have a good time, she wanted to go on the one with her mate and she is. Lesson learned, you let her choose without any discussions with you, confirm and book

Ah, not quite! We did discuss it with her just before the portal opened, which was the first chance we got as a family, but she hadn't spoken with all her friends to find out if they were definitely able to go on the trip they said they wanted to.

OP posts:
Manicpixidreamgirl · 22/07/2023 22:32

If you let her wait you might have missed all trip opportunities, which is why you hurried to book. You’ve done the right thing. She’ll be ok and have a great time.

Manicpixidreamgirl · 22/07/2023 22:34

If you have the deposit money to sacrifice, book the trip she wants as well

Falloffgirl · 22/07/2023 22:49

Manicpixidreamgirl · 22/07/2023 22:34

If you have the deposit money to sacrifice, book the trip she wants as well

That's the problem, the wording on the T&C suggests we'll be liable for the full price of the trip if we book her onto the other as well, but there's no-one to ask and no-one was available to contact about it on the last day of term.

I think I'm actually most cross about the late nature of all of this and the inability to speak to anyone to find out if this might be an option.

DD will be fine, it's me who has to get over it!

OP posts:
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