Noise complaints from Neighbours

[Eachpeachpears]

I've recently circled back to mn and this situation is currently under control but looms under the surface constantly so I'm keen for opinions.

We moved into semi detached bungalow in December. Neighbours in the other semi detached bungalow moved in a week before us. Both housing association properties. Both housed on a basis of level access requirement.

We have 2 DC, aged 4 and 2. DH has autism and a physical disability. I have a physical disability. Both disabilities are 'invisible' but very much present.

We accepted the property in December and DC and I came to put curtains up one evening before moving in the following weekend. The day after putting curtains up, neighbours appeared saying "please dont put your TV on the adjoining wall as we could hear you just talking yesterday". A bit odd but I put the noise down to no carpet or furniture in the home yet. Did plan to put TV on that wall but changed plans to accommodate.
Since we have lived here, they have mentioned the noise at least once a month.
Most recently they said the main issue was the children coming home at 3.30 as the mum of the family living there (daughter and elderly mother) likes to lie down between 2 and 4 for a nap.

I will clearly state here that DC are not loud. They can laugh, cry, giggle etc as all children would. But are not loud. We know this as DH and I both struggle with noise processing and get easily overwhelmed so we are a very calm household.

We have done numerous things to help the noise, including putting silencers on the doors so none of the doors close properly now, including bathroom. This was to stop door slamming. We have put cushioning on the kitchen furniture to prevent scraping. We do not allow DC to play in their room before 8am as we know their room backs on to the elderly mums room.
We have just spent £500 on having the hallway carpeted as this was previously laminate and the neighbours complained about footsteps.
(We will by pass the passive aggressive comment from the neighbours about the carpet fitter working too early (8am on a Friday)).

Well done if you've got this far, I just hate a drip feed. I know we've done more things to accommodate them I just can't remember what. At one point they banged on the wall while I was reading to my kids. We argued about that as I said they were rude. This was back in Dec though. The rest has been civil since then and all other measures have been this side of Xmas.
So, would I be unreasonable to say the next time they mention this "I appreciate your position but we have done more than enough to accommodate you and I politely request you don't mention this to me again".
I feel like I need to protect my own mental health a bit.

They have unattainable expectations .What on earth would they have done if the new tenant of your house had been a hard-of-hearing person who watches Tv all day long with the volume at the highest possible and who conversed with visitors at the top of their voices? This could well be the next tenant if you moved out.
We have a set of similar bunglows near us and sometimes you can hear the occupants talking when the doors and windows are open.I am approximately 100 yards away!
They dont know when they are lucky and I would not brook any nonsense from them. You have done more than enough to ensure your family isnt being annoying. They have to do their bit too.

What a creepy image, them sitting around in silence.

Tell them to stop harassing you & you've reported to council. you've done all you can and they need to soundproof the party walls from their side. They're batshit.

Next time keep quiet, roll your eyes, clear your throat and go in.

You've done above and beyond.

Doesn't even sound like there's much 'normal' family noise in your house.

Tell them you can do no more, anything else is down to them (the afternoon nap thing is nuts!)

If they carry on, report them

I would absolutely do as you've suggested OP, you've done everything you possibly could and now you know it will never be enough because their expectations are utterly ridiculous. So make a promise to yourself today, absolutely no creeping around trying to be quiet from now on in your home, you and your family deserve to be able to make normal family noise and live your lives without worrying about every sound. And every time they complain just keep in your mind that there's no point in you trying to make changes, it will never be enough so you might as well not bother.

It's entirely possible that once they realise you've reached your limit with trying to accommodate them they will give up complaining but if not then a report to the HA about harassment is definitely in order, they have absolutely no right to be intruding on your lives in this way. Ultimately if there is a problem with soundproofing that's the HA's responsibility to fix and NDN's complaints need to be to them, not you, you've already done all you can

1970s semi-detached bungalows - you can hear everything through the wall. The HA shouldn't have put a young family next to these people. They need to ask to be moved.

it will never be enough because their expectations are utterly ridiculous.

Tbf not hearing everything from your neighbours is not a ridiculous expectation. In many places that is a normal expectation...

They were both here thrown into unsuitable accommodation. They both need to get angry at HA for supplying shit quality housing without appropriate improvements and demand improvements.

Everyone should be angry at anyone supplying shitty quality builds.

Some people really don’t get that if you live in close proximity to people you hear them. I live in a flat, I hear people sometimes and as long as it is before 11pm I don’t care.
Frankly it sounds like you could leave the property empty and they would still complain about the noise while they sit miserably in silence!
You have gone to a lot of trouble and expense, far more than most people so don’t worry. Living normally is not a crime and if they complain, as others suggested ‘thank you for your feedback’ is perfect.

We had exactly this issue in a 1960s semi and it was really stressful feeling on edge all the time for living a normal family life. We recorded our noise levels using an app which all came in as reasonable and basically told them we wouldn’t be moving so it was up to them - they did. We now have a family next door and hear them from time to time if we have no tv/music on but mostly we are too busy doing our own thing. Think our old neighbours sat in silence waiting for us to make a noise they could complain about. Stand firm - you are not the unreasonable one.

Control freaks tell them to fuck off

Accidently leave Baby Shark on repeat when you go out. They will be grateful when you get home and just hear normal household noise..
Ignore ignore ignore op.
Wear huge headphones to /from the car so it's obvious you aren't listening to them. Do not engage at all.

They are bananas. They clearly think they basically thought they were going to live next door to themselves!
They easily could have been next door to someone like my MIL and had to listen to the TV on all day every day.
Id contact the HA and let them know what’s going on, and tell the neighbours you aren’t making any unreasonable noise and if they are to ONLY contact the HA from now on. They either need to move or get some soundproofing.

Stop walking on egg shells and live your life normally in your home. You can't go on like this for the next20+ years

My old neighbour was like this oh I can hear your front door when it closes .. well how else can I close it lol oh I can hear your dc in the garden but just normal noise , not screaming or shouting . I completely understand it makes u stress about everything all the time . If your not making unreasonable then just tell them to go away and make a complaint if it’s that bad .I have now moved out and now she moaning about the new neighbour oh I can hear her dogs barking , I can hear her front door closing

They’re mad, basically. They are just insular, self-obsessed weirdos.

I don’t have kids and I live in a semi-detached house, a pretty solid 1930s property. We can hear the people next door every day - TV, kids playing, dog barking now and again, Hoover etc. I wouldn’t dream of complaining because those are normal things for a family to do and that’s the reality of a semi-detached property.

The situation here is your neighbours’ problem, not yours. Your lives don’t revolve around their needs.

If you're both housing association tenants you go to your housing officer and make a complaint against them for harassing you. If they are making perpetual complaints which is affecting your ability to live in your own home and enjoy it and the noise you are making is normal household noise then they are the ones being unreasonable and the housing officer needs to have a word with them. Some people have very low threshold for noise and some people live to complain they sound like the latter.

I'd be tempted to give them a politely worded letter saying that you've made all reasonable adjustments to limit noise, that you have the legal right to enjoy normal family life without harassment, and that going forward you would only expect them to raise concerns in extreme situations, such as a teenager holding an all night party with parents away. Then suggest that perhaps they could consider what they can do on their side to help themselves.

Then enjoy family life in your relaxed and perfectly acceptable way of living.

Maybe speak back in a very rude manner. Hopefully they will decide never to talk to you again! They think you are a walkover... Because you have accommodated their ridiculous requests previously they expect you to obey every demand now.
A sharp Well Don't Be So Bloody stupid Barbara may do it...

Hi OP,

Bless you, I think you need to stop worrying and find your rage!

They are wildly unreasonable. You and your children are allowed to live and make the normal noise of family life, within reasonable hours, in your own home.

The fact that she yelled while you were reading your kids a bedtime story is NUTS. Worth complaining to the HA on this point alone - your kids were upset at bedtime by an unreasonable neighbour banging on the wall and screaming? NOT OK.

I would not wait for the next complaint, but go over during a calm moment and take the initiative - something like:

Your continual complaints about the sound we make aren't justified. The sounds our family makes are very much permitted and reasonable under council regs - normal sounds of family life during reasonable hours. If you are being disturbed by us then please do consider getting your walls soundproofed, which might resolve your problem. By complaining to me constantly you are causing stress to myself and my children and we won't tolerate this any longer. If you continue to complain to me then I will report your harassment to the HA.

Seriously, there's nothing more that you can do and they don't deserve the accommodations you've already made for them - I'm sad about your kids not playing before 8am to avoid disturbing crazy neighbours!

Wish you all the best.

You sound lovely. I'm in the same boat regarding noise. You've done so much much, what have they done? Their turn perhaps.

Excuse typing

Thank you all so much. We have discussed this numerous times, DH and I and it's just nice to know people agree with us that we are doing all we can while still trying to happily live.
It did make me laugh the other day when 4 year old DS and I had lunch outside and the neighbours were in their garden doing something. Ds asked what the noise was and I said "oh I think hats just the people next door" and clear as day, DS said "well now who's being loud"! I've never been so proud of him! 4 years old and he's got a better response to them than I have!

You need to tell them to fuck off. The noise you have described is just normal life. It sounds like they are oversensitive to noise, or have unrealistic expectations of their adjoining neighbours. I would also report your issues to the HA, in case they decide to escalate it.

My housing officer would be onto this like a flash, hopefully yours will be as good OP, definitely do this.

If they're having naps between 2 and 4, why can't they wear earplugs? I used to do that and never once asked (because it's ridiculous) my upstairs neighbours to keep their kids quiet.