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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I initiate contact with my sister who's blocked me?

11 replies

Norge2024 · 22/07/2023 13:37

My sister blocked me last year, and I haven’t spoken to her since. She has mental health issues, and has been through a lot. Every time she gets upset with me, or I say something she doesn’t like she will block me and then unblock again months later, this has been going on for years now and I’m getting fed up. The last time she blocked me was in August last year, im even embarrassed to tell you why it’s that ridiculous. We speak everyday, and last year I got a new job and was really busy, so for one week I didn’t call her but we were texting , because I didn’t call her that week she got upset and told me I’m “chasing money”.

I’m the only one in my family who moved away, and next year I will be moving back after 11 years in the UK. Now that she found out I’m moving back home with my children through my younger sister, she got all excited and said she would help me get settled, and our children can finally live close and see each other more. That would be nice,and that’s all I want. She’s now complaining to my youngest sister that it’s been a year since she spoke to me and she can’t believe I haven’t contacted her, but she blocked me and expects me to Initiate contact?

I’m moving back next year, and I don’t know if I should try and initiate contact and just get on for the sake of the children or should I just leave it and don’t speak to her at all? A part of me just want to leave her alone and just get on with my life, but there’s another part that want to initiate contact and just tell her that if she blocks me again I will never speak to her again? Just let her know how I feel and give her another chance so she’s aware if she does it again that will be it. She probably blocked me last year thinking we would talk again after a few months, cuz that’s how it’s always been but it really hurt me.

OP posts:
Maxaluna · 22/07/2023 13:41

Your actions are modelling relationships to your children. Show them how they should treat each other, and expect to be treated by others.

If your child was dealing with this, what world you advise them to do? You need to live it.

10HailMarys · 22/07/2023 13:44

I wouldn’t want a relationship with my sister if it involved this much drama.

Norge2024 · 22/07/2023 13:47

True. But how can I have a relationship with it's my nieces and nephews if I don't speak to their mother? That's what I'm worried about.

OP posts:
Weddingpuzzle · 22/07/2023 13:48

Haven't you found relief not being in contact with her?

My sister blocked me 4 days before my wedding a month ago and I'm loving every second of not having to deal with her tbh! Wish she'd done it years ago. She's a covert female narcissist and the peace I'm having away from it is beautiful. Don't give away your peace!

Weddingpuzzle · 22/07/2023 13:49

I still have a relationship with my nephews I just speak to them directly via WhatsApp. Are your neices and nephews younger?

Norge2024 · 22/07/2023 15:17

Yes, they're young. Two twin girls who are 5 years old and a 7 year old boy. I don't know if she will stop me seeing them when I tell her (if she does get in contact) that I don't want to speak to her again and go through that circle of her blocking /unblocking me. She did it with our cousin, our cousin and her had a row and fell out, cousin said some hurtful things to my sister and my sister said she's never allowed to see her children again.

OP posts:
Norge2024 · 22/07/2023 15:19

@Weddingpuzzle did your sister go to your wedding then?

The whole situation just makes me sad. We're family at the end of the day, and to not speak to each other over something so stupid as not calling really hurts me.

OP posts:
Soapyjuly · 22/07/2023 15:22

Sounds like we have the same sister

Weddingpuzzle · 22/07/2023 15:34

@Norge2024 no she didn't. It was a blessing though as she just spreads toxicity wherever she goes.

You might be family but if she's constantly causing drama and making you out to be the villain for something that SHE did then it's just wrong.

I'm 44 now and for years I was the elder sister who was always taking the high road and the one to back down whilst my sister shit on everyone - basically for the sake of my parents. It gets to the point where you have to advocate for yourself and your immediate family & not show them that you are a people pleaser who lets people trample over them. As a pp said, what does that teach DC? It's sad but you aren't doing this, she is. If anyone should be tying themselves in emotional knots it's your sister but she won't be because people like our sisters don't care. They are all about themselves and creating drama to deflect from their miserable, jealous internal landscape. Only you can change your response to that.

Norge2024 · 22/07/2023 19:57

@Weddingpuzzle I'm also the eldest and my sister is few years younger than me. I've also tried to be the bigger person every time she blocked me, but this time I just had enough. It's the first time of the the times she's blocked me that I sit and think if I should get back in contact again or just completely cut her off.

How do you manage to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews if you don't speak to their mother? And what about family gatherings and Christmas?

OP posts:
Curseofthenation · 22/07/2023 21:01

I think I would be the bigger person one last time, perhaps a bit nearer to the time you move. I'd let her know that you're really looking forward to your DC being closer to their cousins but that it would be really unfair on them if she continued this toxic cycle. I would warn her that if she chose to cut you and your DC out again then it would be final as you need to protect their feelings and have personal boundaries.

I would let your younger sibling know that you've made this decision, so that it doesn't come as a shock if your other DSis fails to keep her word. That way she isn't left as piggy in the middle.

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