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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry with my partner on my birthday

25 replies

Scotlandma · 22/07/2023 12:33

DP has made zero effort on my birthday, we don’t have much money so I wasn’t expecting gifts

I think he could’ve spent a couple of pounds on some balloons or a card but I wasn’t expecting that either it just would’ve been nice.

however this morning I came downstairs put a movie on that I was watching he seen what it was turned it off put his show on and then watched that on the sofa for the next hour and a half whilst I cleaned up.

it’s cleaning up that I was thinking it over and how inconsiderate he’s been am I being unreasonable to be mad?

I just feel so disappointed in my whole relationship and basically wish I was with someone who would think about me just 1 day out of 365

im having a birthday meal with family later is it petty to tell him not to bother coming.

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/07/2023 12:37

The birthday thing is really rubbish, I’m so sorry. He doesn’t sound much of a keeper.

Am I right in thinking that he came down, saw you watching something and just changed the channel to what he wanted? Who does that?

Cheesusisgrate · 22/07/2023 12:40

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/07/2023 12:37

The birthday thing is really rubbish, I’m so sorry. He doesn’t sound much of a keeper.

Am I right in thinking that he came down, saw you watching something and just changed the channel to what he wanted? Who does that?

Yes.

Plus added question
Who sits there and says notjing? 😶

noglow · 22/07/2023 12:41

What? While you were sat there?

jackstini · 22/07/2023 12:42

Why did you let him do that?

jackstini · 22/07/2023 12:43

Sorry, that was a bit harsh

Happy birthday, and he was crappy

Original poster

Scotlandma · 22/07/2023 12:43

No I was having breakfast whilst watching it and feeding our child he came over with his food seen what was on then changed it

he did try and make a joke like “I’m not watching THIS”

he did make us bacon sandwiches which is nice however that’s a normal Saturday morning for us

OP posts:

Original poster

Scotlandma · 22/07/2023 12:44

I just made a little dig like I was was watching that but ok..

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 22/07/2023 12:44

Well you could have spoken up for yourself and turned your film back on. Besides that, yes its mean of him to not mention your birthday or do anything nice for you.

But if you are expecting something you're going to have to tell him. Some people are shit at imagining what other people want/like sometimes. Then he might get better.

But he could also just be an inconsiderate areshole who just doesn't care...

You need to speak with him about it.

Telling him not to come to the dinner would just be causing more upset without actually talking about why you're upset.. it would do no good but cause an argument.

If you really dont want him to go to dinner, calmly explain to him why.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 22/07/2023 12:45

I'm not sure why you just let him change the channel and then sit there while you cleaned

noglow · 22/07/2023 12:45

Turn it off of he does that again and say "I'm not watching THIS"

He sounds a peice of work OP. Stay safe

PinkCheetah · 22/07/2023 12:48

Happy birthday OP!

Give yourself a bday present and LTB!

Shoxfordian · 22/07/2023 12:48

He sounds like a knob; give yourself the present of being single and having a much better year without him

Original poster

Scotlandma · 22/07/2023 12:48

I definitely could’ve taken the remote back and changed it and he would’ve been like fine but at that point I wasn’t annoyed it was when I was cleaning up thinking over it that I was like actually you’re supposed to be being extra nice to me today

OP posts:

Curseofthenation · 22/07/2023 12:48

He's being a dick because he has always been a dick and you obviously aren't willing to tell him to bugger off when he tries it on! Grow a backbone and stand up for yourself. You deserve better.

Hufflepods · 22/07/2023 12:50

however this morning I came downstairs put a movie on that I was watching he seen what it was turned it off put his show on

Why didn’t say you were watching it???

Bizarre to let him change the channel, then clean for an hour and a half but be raging about it.

SunRainStorm · 22/07/2023 12:52

Scotlandma · 22/07/2023 12:43

No I was having breakfast whilst watching it and feeding our child he came over with his food seen what was on then changed it

he did try and make a joke like “I’m not watching THIS”

he did make us bacon sandwiches which is nice however that’s a normal Saturday morning for us

Wow what a prick

WandaWonder · 22/07/2023 12:55

You could have said something, and a happy birthday is what I would have thought was nice but no as an adult I would not have expected anything in addition to this.

Original poster

Scotlandma · 22/07/2023 12:56

I definitely do have a backbone and more of a fiery personality but sometimes it’s just not everyday. I came down wanting today to be chilled no arguments and wasn’t in the mood to be butting heads

thank you for the birthday wishes currently sat in my car with my sleeping toddler getting some air

OP posts:

SunRainStorm · 22/07/2023 12:58

Time to use that fire OP.

He's been a prick to you on your birthday.

Tell him to stay home from family dinner, you're not happy with the great big pile of nothing he put together for your birthday.

It's not asking too much to have your DH get you a card, make a cake, and treat you nicely on your birthday.

QwertyWitch · 22/07/2023 12:58

He sounds like an arse but you should have said something and replied to his 'jokey' message by saying 'hey! It's my birthday so I get my choice'

Remember not to make any effort for his birthday.

Happy birthday.

PrinceHaz · 22/07/2023 13:02

What an utter b he is. You need better. He will never ever change. You’d be better off alone than being with someone who can’t be arsed even with the basics.

Fraaahnces · 22/07/2023 13:08

Keep cleaning and put him in the bin while you’re at it. Entitled prick.

ExtraOnions · 22/07/2023 13:16

You can state your expectations without being fiery and angry … problem is we often don’t state them until we are fiery and angry.

Is this the first birthday he has ignored, or is he like this every year ?

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2023 13:25

If someone’s inconsiderate and uncaring 364 days of the year does it even matter if they make an effort for 1 of them?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/07/2023 13:33

Sometimes I think people who consider themselves “fiery” are less effective at getting what they want. Not to be rude but if you usually just get angry but don’t follow through on anything he probably thinks “oh she’ll just burn herself out and I’ll get away with it”. Impotent anger is what I mean.

Its the calm ones who actually don’t stand for crap but just do what they decide to do who don’t get walked over or treated badly

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