Struggling… crying 14 week old every evening

[Sparklesocks]

I have a 15 week old who is mostly happy but is prone to bouts of being unsettled throughout the day, then she has her witching hour (ha, one hour would be lovely) every day between approx 7.30-11.30pm, or sometimes gone midnight (like tonight, DP is downstairs carrying on as I’ve run out of steam ).

She just won’t settle, will take a bottle (she’s ff) but only small amounts, screams, cries, fusses, in general won’t be comfortable or happy until she eventually crashes out. In fairness she will then sleep for 5-6 hours. During our evenings my partner and I will scoff dinner down then get ready to take turns managing her for this period. It’s been like this since she was 6 weeks old.

Nothing we do affects this - I’ve tried attempting to do a nighttime routine, playing with her, reading to her, bathing her, holding her throughout, infacol, gripe water, white noise, rocking her, dummies, going for long walks beforehand or during, driving her in the car, the amount of sleep she has in the day makes no difference (she only naps 30 mins at a time in the day anyway). Anything that does ‘work’ only lasts briefly, and she’ll be crying again shortly after.

She is a bit refluxy so I can only assume this is a part of it, but the GP was blasé as she’s a normal weight so wasn’t keen to prescribe any meds. Health Visitor wasn’t helpful either, offered very basic advice like ‘maybe try burping her?’ Which we’ve clearly been doing…the general ‘support’ for reflux seems to be ‘oh sorry…they’ll grow out of it in the end!!’ which I accept, but isn’t particularly helpful.

Ive read that witching hours are meant to die down around 3 months but if anything she’s getting worse. I keep being told it’ll get better and logically I know it’s true, but with potentially the 4 month sleep regression and teething around the corner I can’t really imagine it will.

I’m finding it easier to just accept my life will be a bit shit for some time, evenings no longer belong to DP and I and relaxing or doing even basic stuff like watching a film (or even half a film!) are no longer options for us. Sex isn’t an option, neither is socialising - I don’t want to ask that anyone babysits because I wouldn’t want to inflict this relentless crying on anyone else. This might sound negative and downbeat but it’s been this way since 6 weeks in with no change on the horizon, so I’d rather this way than having false hope that she’ll get better soon. It’s easier for my self preservation to adapt and expect the worst than pretend it’ll end soon.

i took her to our first baby group last week and despite it being day time when she’s normally ok, she screamed throughout the entire session then fell asleep for the last 5 mins or so. A lot of the mums already knew each other and I found it hard to infiltrate the cliques. I’m not sure if I can face going back for the same thing again.

Im in an NCT group and all the other mums have said their baby gets a bit fussy in the evenings but nothing like mine. They all seem to have night time routines down already, one of them sleeps through 7pm-5am and mum happily chatted about how nice it is to have that time at night with her husband.

Sorry this is long. I don’t really know what I want from this except to vent…and see if anyone has any tips for grinning and bearing it when it’s tough. I appreciate I just have to wait it out, but it’s just so hard when every day is so difficult.

thanks for reading my ramblings….

Vent away. I’m not sure I can help much but to say I found 3-4 months a difficult time

It’s so hard to have any perspective when you are in the middle of it all and an unsettled baby is so very wearing but honestly babies and children change all the time you solve one problem then something different pops it’s head up - or doesn’t. Mine are all very grown up now but I suppose I just sort of learned to go with the flow and remember nothing in childhood is permanent.

You might have a baby that needs to cry to switch off. Babies cant read a book or watch tv to wind down at the end of a busy day, so some just cry as it shuts down their environmental stimulus receptors.

have you tried making sure she is fed, burped and clean and then just leaving her in the quiet and dark for 10 mins, then a quiet no talking no eye contact quick pat and leave for another 10 mins etc etc.

I had this with my first baby, and I sympathize, it's a very difficult time. It really helped me to read up on how this is a normal occurrence with some babies, and it will pass soon, this link contains lots of great info about it: www.verywellfamily.com/what-is-purple-crying-4691402

Yes…I know I should probably be more resilient and understand this is just what being a parent is. Hopefully I’ll get better at that over time.

Thank you - yes we’ve tried but that seems to upset her even more sometimes. I think part of it seems to be wanting to be comforted.

Thank you - yes have heard about purple crying, it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone. Sometimes I feel like I missed a class at NCT or something and everyone else knows something that I don’t

@Sparklesocks Yeah exactly, I had that feeling too at the time, in fact I was surprised how it was never mentioned as a possibility at any of the NCT classes I went to.

I can empathise DS2 was just like this, upto 7mths, when it stopped. I also had a toddler under 2 when he was born. DH and I came up with a plan, I went to bed when toddler went to bed, DH stayed up with DS2 until he got him to sleep at 11ish, then I would get up to feed him when he woke. It was like being on a constant treadmill, not having an evening together, but it does get easier. We tried everything, DS2 with breastfed, we tried colic drops, white noise, cranial osteopathic treatments. Nothing helped, sadly. It’s very distressing to see your baby screaming, but it will pass. My DS2 is 20 now, and still noisy! Good luck OP.

Hi. I'm a maternity nurse and sounds like my last babies / they had silent reflux. Push for meds at gp

Many are normal weight as they feed for comfort so gps don't think it's reflux as baby is gaining weight

It's not normal for babies to be crying very evening so something is up

What milk is she on

Sometimes if mild reflux just swapping milk helps so could try a reflux milk - which is thicker so stays down longer

I usually suggest hipp organic or sma as the cheaper of the milks but equally have same ingredients as have to as say aptimil who is more costly

Will need to go up size teat as it is thicker

Mine sometimes gets like this at 9 weeks. One day it was particularly bad going on for hours. We'd been passing her between us and trying everything. Eventually I took her up to a darkened room, no light no noise and she settled

Sometimes trying to settle her we've been overstimularing her with sounds or food etc so I found that taking that all away has helped

Absolutely this, silent reflux. My ds had this and nothing would settle him. Feeding just made him more distressed rather than settled.

Does she seem more uncomfortable after feeds? Does she hiccup a lot? Does she seem stiff rather than floppy a lot?

Push for meds, rotate doctors at your GP until one of them listens.

Also try different milks as suggested, or try dairy free. What is her skin like? If it is particularly spotty or if her skin has red patches after feeding, try dairy free.

For silent reflux the things that help are keeping her upright after feeds, putting the head of her bed up higher (slope) - books under the feet of the crib at top end is good for this.

Good luck OP, this too shall pass and you're at the most trying time when docs say it's colic and normal.

With two of mine this was caused by dairy intolerance. With the last one I didn't have any dairy at all (he was breastfed) and he didn't have the awful unsettled evenings although he still turned out to have dairy intolerance.

Hi OP,

God having a young baby is so bloody hard. Your baby sounds a lot like my niece when she was that age and it really took a village to raise her because her parents were so exhausted.

As others have said, this could be silent reflux, which is worth speaking to your GP about again (maybe a different DR at the same practice if you feel your first was dismissive?). Also, have you considered seeing a baby osteopath?

This is not something we have used, but your experience sounds similar to that of a few mums in my NCT group and they had a lot of successes and reassurance from using an osteopath. They did have to pay privately for it - price was about £100 I think, so I appreciate a real luxury. But have a look into it. If you’re London based, the London School of Osteopathy offer £25 appointments for children…

Good luck.

I read your message and had to reply just to say I’ve been through this- exactly this. We had our first NCT just mums dinner out when my first was around the same age and I reluctantly left a screaming inconsolable baby with my DH (and mum for extra support!) Over dinner all my friends happily chatted about their babies who’d been put to bed and were soundly asleep. It was soul destroying. I left dinner early and she was still crying when I got home. At that time I felt strongly that I just needed someone to tell me that THINGS WOULD GET BETTER EVENTUALLY. And they did. Hang in there. This is almost 7 years ago for me now but I still remember the time vividly xx

At that age you don’t need to do a bedtime routine, just do what works.
We used to go out in long late evening walks when mine was a similar age. Get your husband to stick her in the carrier, put a cup of tea or a glass of wine in a keep cup and just go walk around for an hour where you live. The bouncing movement is soothing for them and the fresh air helps everyone.
Or we would watch a trashy tv show but one of us would walk around holding the baby to keep her chill.

They aren’t all ready for sleeping in the crib in the evening at that age.

My daughter was the same. Have you got a white noise machine? It helps colicky babies. Also, dummies were a life saver. My daughter loved being rocked. Hang in there, it doesn't last forever.

Oh I remember this, it’s awful. It won’t last forever but it feels like it when you’re in it. I second the exploring silent reflux. Also, we managed to get some settled time in the evening by slinging up and bouncing on a gym ball for hours. Best of luck, you’ve got this!

my daughter was the same. From 4pm- 11pm every night. Horrendous

we did take her to a cranial osteopath which felt like it helped but was expensive. Baby gaviscon helped too..

my first was an unsettled baby (bf so it’s not the feeding method). She was definitely overstimulated. She had to be in a darkened room by about 6.30. I know it is early. So I took her up at 6, fed, bath, into darkened room and night clothes, fed again. Then into the cot. Used baby sleeping bags. I didn’t let her nap after 5.00pm. I had 2 more after, one settled and one not, and I just took this approach about a mont in and was just really rigid about it for a good month.

It was so ingrained that I still remember it and me eldest is 20! In the day, under six months, when they cat nap still, I just let them sleep in pram or car.

Thanks all, I will look into silent reflux and changing milk. I appreciate your kind words, it can feel very relentless and times and as if I’m the worst mum who can’t look after her baby in the most basic way.

DD crashed out at 00.30 and slept through until 7.

and just to clarify, I never expect her to sleep through all evening in her crib or to be the perfect sleeper, I’m very lucky she sleeps when she does - it’s just up to 4 hours of continuous screaming/crying that is getting me down.

Have you tried changing the routine OP? Take her out on for an evening stroll see if that helps and with the added bonus she gets fresh air.

OP it's not your Mum skills at all. You're doing all the right things. I had two babies, one who cried relentlessly in pain for hours (reflux/dairy allergy) and one who only cried as she needed something doing - burping/feeding/nappy/hot or cold.

There is a difference.

Appreciate the distraction techniques are going to be at odds to the routine suggestions, but I second doing whatever it takes to get through that painful screaming rather than committing to a routine. At one point walking around the room with a hairdryer (for sound, and holding it away from baby!) with baby in sling and dummy was the only thing that would stop the screaming.

And the fact you're getting continuous sleep for a big chunk of time at the right time of night, is very promising. A good sign on the way to a routine (ie. She's got day and night right). It's just a case of working through those tough 4 hours and doing whatever works x

Thank you - definitely grateful we get the long stretches when she finally goes!