To be very angry with my father for smacking my child

[BabiesEverywhere]

Well, I know I am not.

My parents were looking after my DD for a few hours yesterday. In the early evening just before we went home, she was being a bit silly and tired and touched one of the books on the big open shelves.

My father went over and instead of redirecting her as he normal does, he smacked her hand. I just shouted that 'we don't hit our children' and he did say sorry to ME not DD.

I am just worried he will do it again, he is old fashioned and we were smacked as children but this is NOT the way we have decided to bring up our children. It really upset me and confused DD who didn't even understand what had happened, so zero benefit all around.

I am just upset as I deeply love my father and I thought he knew how strongly I felt about smacking. I suppose I will have to have another conversation with either mum or dad and make sure they understand how I feel.

I don't want to turn this into a smacking debate. If you thinking hitting children educates them in some way, that is up to you but I choose not to hit my child and I will not leave her with someone who thinks this is a reasonable behaviour.

Yes, I need to. I try and get my mum on the phone on her own and try and make it light hearted but direct.

This happened to me when my dd was the same age. MIL was looking after her and told me she had tapped her hand for constantly opening a cupboard door. I was so shocked I didn't say anything, but made sure I mentioned our thoughts on discipline later on. I was so angry with myself for not speaking up at the time. I think you dealt with this right way. I'm sure your father wouldn't do it again now you've made your views clear.

she is so tiny - surely even parents who smack don't start this young?
This has made me so sad. BE I can so see why you are angry. I so can.

"touched one of the books" - sorry but they sound like my ils and my initial thought was if he reacts to her touching a book, what if she does something really bad. How child friendly is their home if this is such a big deal? Not very welcoming for a small child.

I think I understand a bit. My fil shouted at my dd (aged 4). Now I admit that we shout on occasion. BUT the fact was he shouted in irritation and temper because she wouldn't do something minor that he wanted. He didn't ask her nicely, not even once, just shouted. Like you, I worry that a shout/smack will be his instinctive response.

I understand why you're cross but as you say it was just his way from when you were a child and probably when he was.
I would not hesitate to leave her with him again and just calmly explain it again - he did apologise anyway (although maybe that should have been directed at your dd as well as you) so I think unlikely to do it again.

My mum smacked my dd1's hand once to stop her touching a hot dish on the table - I didn't mind.

I just can't believe a grown man would smack a baby over a tiny thing. I am really shocked at this.

What he was doing wasnt meant nasty by the sounds of it, he was just teaching her that what she was doing was wrong as i guess she could have got hurt and was probably his way of protecting her, BUT he shouldnt have done it as its not his child. If you hit your child or not its up to you but no one else should.i tap my sons hand for doing wrong as its important they learn discipline, but i wouldnt like it if anyone else did it unless it was for a very very good reason and for his own safety. i would just have a chat with him again. x x

I think doing it over touching a book was a bit harsh however!! i mean fair enough if she was reaching for a knife or the fire but a book is a bit harsh unless the book case could have fallen on her or something?

An 18 month old is a baby. Even if you agree with smacking (which I don't), it is silly to smack an 18 month old as they are so little. It cannot achieve anything. An 18 month old is inquisitive and touching a book is a natural thing to do and will not harm anyone.

If he is generally a good dad/grandad, then I think this incident can be forgotten/forgiven, as long as it is on the understanding that your dad respects your wishes in the future rather than looking after your DC as he sees fit. It isn't really relevant whether he agrees with your methods, I really think he should respect your wishes or not look after the child.

My dad is unwilling to go along with the methods of parenting that we have chosen so consequently, I won't leave my DS with him unsupervised under any circumstances.