To ask if you’ve ever gone NC with a parent?

[Starsailorsmoon]

Recently gone NC with my dad. Dad got with OW when I was 13 and she was a lot younger than dad never wanted children and definitely didn’t want me and my sister around. The OW would tell our dad that he could only have us outside the house (wouldn’t let us in their shared house) so we always had to meet him at Cafe’s and garden centres.

My dad also agreed to this as he didn’t want to upset her- It was awful meeting up for an hour on a park bench somewhere. It was especially painful as me and my dad used to do a hobby together weekly as this was also stopped. After about 10 years of seeing him in cafe’s and our uni houses, his partner (OW) finally agreed to let us in their house and my sister did but I couldn’t as just felt it was a little too late. My sister sees her and I met her once but she didn’t really engaged or tried to speak to me so I never tried again. For example if you asked her “how are you?” She would say fine and shut down the conversation- not ask you in return.

my relationship with my dad has gradually reduced and we see each other around twice a month if he comes for a coffee at my house. He’s always negative, never anything nice to say really, cannot be relied upon and would continually put pressure on me to have a baby despite knowing I’m 40 and infertile (tubes blocked). He would say things like “oh it’s never too late, you need to try harder to find a cure” or “you shouldn’t give up that easy” despite knowing that if exhausted all options and cannot financially afford anymore IVF.

My dad is now getting married next year to his partner and has asked that I go, and that I apologise to her for not seeing her or engaging with her (yuck) and build bridges. I’m not prepared to do this and he wasn’t happy so we are now NC.

but I’m just wondering does it ever get easier? Our relationship wasn’t great but I still feel a sense of loss and my sister keeps harping on about if he was to die tomorrow I’d regret it forever- but he genuinely makes me feel awful about myself so he can’t stay in my life I don’t think.

does anyone have any experiences or offer any words of advice?

That sums up my feelings too. I did find his death very difficult as it brought back all the feelings of hurt and resentment, and I realised I'd been carrying a little candle of hope that we could reconcile one day. (It had been 10 years). But no regret.

I was NC with my mum for the last six years of her life. No regrets when she died.

it doesn’t sound like your relationship with him adds anything to your life. He may be related but he hasn’t been a dad to you. He hasn’t prioritised you. I certainly wouldn’t be apologising to his soon to be wife. She should be apologising to you!

I really hope you are in a good place now and maybe NC again, if your M & SD are still alive. What you shared is really moving. Sorry you had such a horrendous time. Please don't put yourself around anyone who reduces you to this state.

No could never go nc with parents. Nobody is perfect. Siblings I could but parents no.

I went NC with my father when I was 30 (almost 20 years ago) There has been zero contact of any sort by either of us and I'm glad of it. He's never seen my DC and doesn't know anything about my life or I his. People who don't understand tell me I'll regret it when he dies but to me he's been dead a very long time and I honestly think when he does actually die (if I hear about it) I will only feel relief. Sometimes going NC is absolutely necessary for your peace of mind.

Parents are just people. If you don't want to spend time with them, then don't. There is no obligation to do so.