I don't feel maternal enough

[tattooedteagal]

Wondering if anyone can relate.

I love my children with all my heart but I worry I'm just not maternal enough or too selfish.

I carried baby to the car the other day which is about 2 metres from my house. My mum asked why I didn't get an umbrella as it was pouring with rain, then grabbed hers and put it over baby when we got back. Truthfully, I didn't think 2 metres is a big deal but she lectured me on how babies can't regulate their body temperature.

I remember her constantly fussing over us and asking if we were warm enough. I'm just not like that. DS (4) went through a phase of not wanting to wear a hat or hood in winter. He flat out refused but as long as he wore a warm coat I just went with it. It didn't particular worry me but of course grandma was terrified of him getting ill.

I went on a hen night when DS was 4-months old. A friend told me she just couldn't leave her baby with her dad overnight and it was too soon for me to go out.

I was searching for accredited childminders on Facebook and both DH and my friend said it was too risky. Obviously I'd have asked for ID and a full CRB check. I wasn't going to drop my kid at some random person's house!

I don't particularly like cooking. My mum wore an apron in the kitchen and was always cooking us meals from scratch. I don't and will use frozen onions, garlic granules, or Shwartz packets to save time (if I'm not doing fish fingers, chips, and beans). Of course I've been criticised by my more traditional family for not buying fresh.

I combo feed because I find exclusive breastfeeding too overwhelming and I wanted baby to get used to a bottle from the start. I didn't tell my mum that but when my friend expressed a similar sentiment, her words were, "I can't relate. It's about what's best for the baby, not her".

It doesn't cross my mind to offer kids drinks and and snacks when they come over after school as they have their own drink in their bag and I know they'll have dinner shortly.

I just don't feel mumsy enough. Of course they're happy, clean and fed, but friends and family will say things that don't even cross my mind but make me question my own maternal capabilities

Wondering if anyone else feels the same?

You're confusing feeling maternal with behaving as your mother did. You say I love my children with all my heart. That's it, that's all you need.

I think you are a perfectly good mum and not fussy (I don’t fuss either)
your mum sounds overbearing and times have changed (you don’t have to cook everything from scratch to have a nice meal)

my own mother has an opinion on everything and I know it’s outdated (sometimes I tell her that)

Some mums worry too much about everything and make their children neurotic. The umbrella thing wouldn’t have occurred to me because humans are waterproof and it’s only 2m. I don’t obsess over drinking water and having snacks all the time, in fact I don’t think it’s healthy to be constantly drinking and eating. I don’t get hung up on food, kids don’t eat vegetables and I don’t force them. Bedtimes are very lax, usually when I remember the kids are supposed to go to bed. I’ve been known to let a 5yo play in the garden till 8.30 on a Friday night. Not bothered about dirt either, on myself or on the kids, and I don’t clean the house obsessively.

I have been told many times that I’m not very good at motherhood, but my kids adore me and are happy and healthy. I’m not one of these mums who looks perfect - I get in the paddling pool with them and dig in the dirt with them. I wander round the garden with no shoes on and eat apples straight off the tree without washing them. When you say you’re not “mumsy” enough, it sounds like you mean prissy and obsessed with cleaning and rules. I’m not like that and my kids are fine 🤷‍♀️